[Justbyou]

It hurts when someone doesn't have the same feelings for you as you do them. And they tell you that the spark just isn't there. This just happened to me on Wednesday. I've known her for a little over a year and a half. We've dated on and off. Nothing serious and I never really knew where I stood with her.

There was a falling out last June, but we reconnected and it felt like things were better than they had ever been. I went down to see her last weekend. (She moved out of state for work.) The trip was amazing and fun! I left thinking things were great. Only to get an email on Wednesday after I asked her about her pulling away.

I felt rejected and like I had done something wrong. A switch went off in my head and I just wanted to be numb. That night I spent the evening alone. Alone with my thoughts and old beliefs and drank until I was numb. Temporary fix I know.

Today I'm in a different space. I've come to realize with the help of friends and my counselor that I wasn't reacting to her email and what she said. I was reacting to the feelings that came from it. The old feelings and beliefs of not feeling good enough. Those feelings go way back and some that I've been working really hard to overcome.

I will continue to move forward and I will continue to know that I am good enough!!

I'm reading a book by Brene Brown and the chapter I started reading last night hit home for me. I'm going to share it and hope that it will help someone else. The book is called "Rising Strong."

"You may not have signed up for a hero's journey, but the second you fall down, got your butt kicked, suffered disappointment, screwed up, or felt your heart break, it started. It doesn't matter whether we are ready for an emotional adventure-it happens. And it happens to ever single one of us. Without exception. The only decision we get to make is what role we'll play in our own lives: Do we want to write the story or do we want to hand that power over to someone else? Choosing to write our own story means getting uncomfortable: it's choosing courage over comfort."

[jcl76]

My first thought when I read this, is after that long yet never knew where you stood? That sounds like very little communication. If you want/wanted more say something.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed reading the quote from Brene Brown. I'm a follower of the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. And as I read the quote I thought... this could well have been written by Ani Pema. Truth is truth, I guess, wherever one finds it.