[Fisto]

I am a good listener and have ADHD, so I have to work hard for that. I believe that my ability to accept my faults makes me stronger, although this topic has absolutely crushed and is still crushing me. I feel I attract long winded people because I'm a good listener. These people tend to interrupt me all the time. It's brutal. My girlfriend is one of them. I handle it by calling them out when they interrupt. Sometimes i sigh, sometimes I say "can I finish", sometimes I just shut up and save my breath. The problem I'm having know is that I get screamed at by my girlfriend when I sigh or call people out. She's says it's so rude. I get long lectures about how big of an a-hole I am. I'm lost. It's ruining our relationship. I do not talk a lot at all. I just listen and it's hard for me to do that. Therefore I can't stand being interrupted because of how hard I try to listen. Besides that, interrupting is just rude in general. How do I live with being punished by my listening skills? I just attract talkers and it's so unreal. I need to be listened to sometimes. I'm human. Thanks in advance.

[ArchieAus]

I don't have an attention deficit disorder so wouldn't presume to understand how that interacts with your frustration . Listening is an underrated passive form of communication . You listen to the actual words and observe the non verbal communication . The tone , the expression . It's a great way to understand a person better , for whatever reasons you have for wanting to understand them better . Unfortunately when it comes to talking you are at the mercy of the person you are interactive with . If they don't wish to listen , believe they have listened long enough or can't or won't identify with what your saying , then your unlikely to get a positive reaction from demanding they listen . Is that fair ? , it would depend on each individual case I guess . When you write , no one gets to interrupt.

[Fisto]

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I don't have an attention deficit disorder so wouldn't presume to understand how that interacts with your frustration . Listening is an underrated passive form of communication . You listen to the actual words and observe the non verbal communication . The tone , the expression . It's a great way to understand a person better , for whatever reasons you have for wanting to understand them better . Unfortunately when it comes to talking you are at the mercy of the person you are interactive with . If they don't wish to listen , believe they have listened long enough or can't or won't identify with what your saying , then your unlikely to get a positive reaction from demanding they listen . Is that fair ? , it would depend on each individual case I guess . When you write , no one gets to interrupt.

You are correct about the writing. I find myself writing letters all the time now. Especially if it's a important subject. I guess my question is, are good listeners recognized by people that want to talk and don't want to listen? I ask this because I feel like people who don't want to listen to anything, including the answers to their own questions, are gravitating towards me. regardless of the answer to that question, I'm going to have to live with it. Most importantly though, I need ways to let people know that I'm being interrupted and I think it's rude, without making them feel like I'm being a jerk. I'm certainly not demanding that anyone listens to me. Although getting cut off in sentences is taxing when it's ongoing and it's hard for me to hide my frustration which manifests into my partner getting upset with me. She sees this scenario as me being impatient and not wanting to listen to anyone. Perhaps it's cause the eye roll comes when she or someone is talking because I've already been interrupted and she might be associating the eye roll with what she or someone else is saying and not my response to the interrupting. Or if I say hey I was just interupted, I kind of have to interrupt her to do that. I'm talking about letting someone run wild for five minutes without me talking and then me getting mowed down after getting five words out. I've found some peace in just nodding after a rant and saying I hear ya. That's been working the best. But I do have to talk about things sometimes and I literally have to get to my points and I never can. It happens with a lot of people and my hurdle is getting my points across without making someone feel like crap. It's this cycle of me having to interrupt someone to tell them I've been interrupted. I become the interuptter because I was the last one to interrupt in every scenerio.

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC

[healingme4me]

Perhaps instead of saying, Can I finish, try, wait, I need to finish before losing my train of thought.
Sighing can be considered passive aggressive.
Maybe instead of nodding while waiting for the long winded-have a moment or two of repeat back a piece or two with let me see if I understand with an ok continue..
It's one thing to be a good listener, but it's something else being someones emotional dumping ground, so to speak.

[ArchieAus]

Yes , the way you describe it I can see how that would be a very frustrating scenario . I think it is possible that people that want to talk ( not converse) gravitate to people who will facilitate that . My own mother who I have no relationship with will talk for an hour without stopping , saying absolutely nothing . If I'm unfortunate enough to have to be in her presence for that time I stare off into space not listening .It makes no difference to her . It's often several years have passed between meetings .
I guess the talker/listener thing works for some people . Was once in a bar in Trier in Germany , only other people in the bar were a middle aged couple . One of the couple spoke almost non stop for at least an hr . The other never said a word just stared ahead occasionally pursing their lips or nodding slightly . They both seemed quite happy . I was transfixed 😀 That may have been a one off occasion between them , but it looked like a long tradition .
I have no skills as far as methods to convince someone they should show respect for your time in a conversation I'm sorry . I'm glad you are enjoying the writing .