[pinkvilla]

I am very sad because my parent is very sick and I expect some emotional support from my partner. He says I can go home and help my mom and he'll care for the kids. But he doesn't check in and ask how I am doing. He doesn't offer any words of comfort. I feel so alone and I tried talking to him.He says I should do things to distract myself.My sadness is increased by his behavior.I feel like a burden to him.
How do I feel better? The sadness of my mom being so sick and my partner being distant is too much on me.I don't know what to do anymore.

[FallDuskTrain]

I am very sorry that your mom is sick. I sincerely hope she gets better and soon.
Before provide my opinion, please allow me to ask... Have you and your partner been having problems?
How is his personality? Meaning, in the past, how has he responded to emotional situations?
To answer your question: no, of course you are not expecting too much from your partner. But emotional support is a tricky thing. Not everyone can provide it or at least provide it in the we way we would like.
Your mom and your family are on my thoughts.

[eskielover]

No you are NOT expecting too much but if yiyr partner has never provided reasonable emotional support for yiu in your relationship it msy be that you ate expecting something he is & always has been incapable of giving.

Ehen my mom was dying of cancer, my husband gsve no rmotional support & ehen I told him about the abuses I caught the home care person doing, he looked at me like I was out if my mind & gave me absolutely NO emotional support. He must have felt that taking care of our home & my new foal that had been injured at 3 weeks old was ALL he was required to do but NEVER in our 33 years if marriage did he ever provide emotional support. Everything he did was just that he knew it was the right thing to do but never did anything with feeling involved. It was something I finslly noticed after all those years when I was in the medical hospital with anirexia after going through the trauma that happened from that home care person I caught abusing my mom.

What I finally realized was that I could just accept that this was the way life was going to be forever (there were other serious financial issues in our marriage also) or I ciuld realize I had enough & leave.

We had already gone through T together & the relationship was becoming toxically abusive on both sides by that point.

Yes, it is wonderful to get emotional support & expect it normally unless tbe partner is incapable dome how of giving it.

Marriage/partner counseling might be a gooe way to express your needs & have the T as a mediator work on ways to get the relationship more acceptable to both. Its sleays worth a try before saying one has had enough & call it quits like I finally did for my own well being phyducal & mental

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry your husband is not supporting you Have you asked him about this?

[hvert]

I'm sorry your mother is sick and your partner isn't supporting you the way you want. Could you try telling him what support you need? Some people aren't sure how to take care of someone with a sick parent and they seem insensitive even though they don't mean to.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by pinkvilla

I am very sad because my parent is very sick and I expect some emotional support from my partner. He says I can go home and help my mom and he'll care for the kids. But he doesn't check in and ask how I am doing. He doesn't offer any words of comfort. I feel so alone and I tried talking to him.He says I should do things to distract myself.My sadness is increased by his behavior.I feel like a burden to him.
How do I feel better? The sadness of my mom being so sick and my partner being distant is too much on me.I don't know what to do anymore.

I am sorry ((pinkvilla)), unfortunately a lot of men don't know how to be emotionally supportive and they get quiet. Often a man will be supportive by "action", where they will pick up the slack, take care of the kids, run errands etc. But they can feel lost when it comes to understanding how to be "emotionally" supportive. Most of the time this is not something they saw happen in their own parents so they can be at a loss.

[Open Eyes]

My sadness is increased by his behavior.I feel like a burden to him.

I can relate to struggling, needing emotional support and being disappointed and even more sad when my husband fails to provide the emotional support I need from him. I also can relate to feeling like a burden for needing emotional support and not getting that need met and instead can even get the reaction that encourages me to feel that my emotional needs are a burden.

I am sorry that you don't have a person you can spend time with that has the ability to be emotionally supportive with you as you face this scary challenge with your mother's illness. It's ok to be afraid ((pinkvilla)). You are doing the best you can, visiting her and being supportive and making sure you are a presence "there" for her as best as you can be. A parent's illness can most definitely be scary and lead one to feeling helpless. Take this challenge one day at a time and allow yourself to flow with this challenge and try not to presume the worst. You can always post here in your thread if you need to just vent and reach out for support.

Also, when it comes to your husband, ask him for hugs, even if he could rub your back a little, those are "actions" he can do and can learn to do and getting a nice warm hug can be very soothing and helpful because human beings are designed to feel better after getting hugged in that it releases oxytocin and that chemical is extremely soothing and comforting.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I am sorry ((pinkvilla)), unfortunately a lot of men don't know how to be emotionally supportive and they get quiet. Often a man will be supportive by "action", where they will pick up the slack, take care of the kids, run errands etc. But they can feel lost when it comes to understanding how to be "emotionally" supportive. Most of the time this is not something they saw happen in their own parents so they can be at a loss.

Agree. Many are natural at fixing things. Telling you, the OP, to go to your mom and he'll take care of things on the homefront is an action.
Have you ever told him that your needs go beyond actions? Tgat the support you need on the emotional level is checking in and just listening? I find sometimes people can mean very well but unless I'm specific, then they have no way of knowing. When emotions are involved, stakes are higher.

Hope your mom feels better soon.

[eskielover]

I feel so alone and I tried talking to him.He says I should do things to distract myself.

it sounds like she tried talking to him about this. Hopefully communicated about how she was feeling & not hinting around about the feelings. Most guys & people don't het subtle hints & usually need it spelled out.