[rdgrad15]

In the past I had a coworker that would always offer rides. I had a suspicious feeling she didn't really like doing it but for some reason, she did it anyway. Then in the beginning of the year, I made a post stating that she finally snapped about it. Ever since the beginning of the school year when she snapped, I basically never accept any offers from her anymore. Ever since I stopped accepting rides, I feel way better and less anxious. I don't have to worry about her getting annoyed and possibly even complain to other coworkers about it.

She still offers rides from time to time for some reason. We both go to the same church, although at separate times and even though she doesn't talk to me at church if she does come at the same time, when she sees me at work the next day, she will always say, "Hey I saw you at church. I would have given you a ride." I don't know why she does that. She doesn't even make an effort at church to talk to me so I don't know why she is coming to me at work saying that. And even if she did stop me at church, I would still decline her offer because I don't want her getting mad and I feel like either she just can't make up her mind on whether she is okay with giving me a ride or she feels obligated to offer for some reason even though she clearly doesn't have to.

I told her I don't mind walking home. It is not far and it is actually a nice walk. But other than that, I am glad I don't accept rides from her anymore. I feel a lot better. Do you have any idea why she continues to come up to me and state that she would give me a ride even though she really doesn't want to and makes no effort? I just find it kind of odd that she makes no effort to say something at church even though she claims to see me a lot and even has my number, yet she will come up to me at work and say that she would have given me a ride.

Do you think this is odd behavior? I feel like it is. Almost seems like she is still testing me or something to see if Imwill start accepting rides from her again. She tends to do that with another coworker as well. She will state that she is okay with helping a coworker out at work, even volunteer to do some work as well, but then complain about her behind her back. That's why I don't accept rides anymore. I am sure she has complained about me before and I don't want her to do it again. It makes me feel like she is being manipulative, whether she is or not. Either she can't make up her mind of whether she is okay with doing something or not, or she feels obligated to help or offer assistance, and then complains about it later on.

[seesaw]

You know, she strikes me as a kind of codependent person, who needs people to need her, but also resents that she has to help people?

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by seesaw

You know, she strikes me as a kind of codependent person, who needs people to need her, but also resents that she has to help people?

Yeah that makes sense. That is exactly what she comes off as. It is really weird. Makes me uncomfortable. Must stem from underlying insecurities.

Perhaps she feels obligated for some reason. Perhaps the reason might be that this is what people do (it is what I was taught to do). Perhaps she is doing this out of social etiquette or acknowledgement. You mention there having been resentment? Were you offering her gas money or some other way of reciprocating the favour? This is what is expected.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Perhaps she feels obligated for some reason. Perhaps the reason might be that this is what people do (it is what I was taught to do). Perhaps she is doing this out of social etiquette or acknowledgement. You mention there having been resentment? Were you offering her gas money or some other way of reciprocating the favour? This is what is expected.

I offered in the past but she always declined. That’s why I don’t accept anymore. Don’t want her to feel used even though she doesn’t need to offer. I feel like when she does offer now, she is expecting me to decline her request and wouldn’t be happy if I took her up on it.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I offered in the past but she always declined. That’s why I don’t accept anymore. Don’t want her to feel used even though she doesn’t need to offer. I feel like when she does offer now, she is expecting me to decline her request and wouldn’t be happy if I took her up on it.

Yeah, that's just weird. But your instincts sound right on. Trust your gut.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yeah, that's just weird. But your instincts sound right on. Trust your gut.

I agree, yep I trust my gut. Especially her stating that she sees me at church and would offer a ride. If she really wanted to offer a ride, she would actually make an effort to come say hi. Not just simply do nothing and then repeatedly keep telling me she sees me at church. It actually gets old. But yeah, I trust my instincts and that is why I don't accept rides anymore from her.