[alpacalicious]

I noticed that in general I hate attention from people, I don't know why I just dont like when others ask me how are you, or are concerned for me. I hate it to the point I feel bad. But I noticed recently that I always like when male authority figures (like teachers, therapists...) ask me how I am or show concern for me. I like to talk about my problems with them. When I was in high school I fantasized to show my self harm scars to one of my favorite male teachers. While for example with others I hated the idea of showing scars. It's like with those male figures, I want to concern them and I like their attention. It seems a bit weird for me. why does this happen?

How was your relationship with your father?

[alpacalicious]

He was very distant emotionally, also aggressive, he was there for material things (like giving me money, bringing me to school) but he never showed affection, always criticized me and hurted me a lot. so is all of this because of my relationship with him?

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

He was very distant emotionally, also aggressive, he was there for material things (like giving me money, bringing me to school) but he never showed affection, always criticized me and hurted me a lot. so is all of this because of my relationship with him?

I'm not saying it has everything to do with your father, but I would not be surprised if it played a significant part. Your father, your parent, should have given you positive attention and love, but he did not. You missed out on something very important in your development, and now you are seeking it out through interactions with male professionals. You would not be the first person to do this, nor will you be the last. It may be helpful to work with a therapist on this issue. If you are prone to attachment to these figures, I would encourage a female therapist.

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

I noticed that in general I hate attention from people, I don't know why I just dont like when others ask me how are you, or are concerned for me. I hate it to the point I feel bad. But I noticed recently that I always like when male authority figures (like teachers, therapists...) ask me how I am or show concern for me. I like to talk about my problems with them. When I was in high school I fantasized to show my self harm scars to one of my favorite male teachers. While for example with others I hated the idea of showing scars. It's like with those male figures, I want to concern them and I like their attention. It seems a bit weird for me. why does this happen?

I understand it. You want someone to care for you but you don't like it when someone around your age expresses care for you because it makes you feel little to them. Am I right?

[Bill3]

There are arguments in favor of a female therapist. An argument in favor of a competent male therapist would be that the phenomenon would occur right in the room, and can then be examined and worked on in real time.

Evidently though you have had male therapists. What sort of of therapeutic progress, or lack of therapeutic progress, did you observe in yourself during your time with them?

[LadyShadow]

This does sound like a "father figure" thing like what has been mentioned. Something struck in my head though while reading this, but when an Alpha Dog comes into a room, the rest of the dogs kind of follow suit, and listen intently. (Totally not saying you are a dog in any way, just my crazy brain reasoning).

My dad was a total totalitarian and I completely rebelled, and honestly every relationship I have entered, I actually didn't listen or didn't respect the guy unless he was aggressive, with some authority over men, dominant, and even somewhat of a jerk. (Stereotypical behavior of wanting the "bad boy"). It isn't my fault though, because the love and approval my father never showed me that I desperately wanted, directly related to how I related to men, later in life.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

I noticed that in general I hate attention from people, I don't know why I just dont like when others ask me how are you, or are concerned for me. I hate it to the point I feel bad. But I noticed recently that I always like when male authority figures (like teachers, therapists...) ask me how I am or show concern for me. I like to talk about my problems with them. When I was in high school I fantasized to show my self harm scars to one of my favorite male teachers. While for example with others I hated the idea of showing scars. It's like with those male figures, I want to concern them and I like their attention. It seems a bit weird for me. why does this happen?

I kinda have this. While i can agree with the others, my thought is that I just feel it's more rare and thus more of a novelty when men express interest like this and maybe it's the fight in me that i want to try to get this attention, that it sometimes means more. That being said, I could say this about certain women with this trait though, so not sure if that helps you.