[Shadow wings]

I've been seeing someone for a few weeks and by pure accident I discovered this morning that he has a partner and a new baby.

I'm am absolutely raging angry. I would NEVER knowingly sleep with someone in a relationship and I hate that I've basically been the other woman while his poor girlfriend looks after their baby.

I am so tempted to contact this girl and tell her. A large part of me believes she has a right to know what kind of **** he is but they've just had a baby. I don't know what to do.

What would you do?

If I were the woman with the baby, I would want to know. However, some may prefer to live in ignorance. It's your call, and a very difficult situation either way.

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry you were caught up in this mess. Whether you want to tell her or not is your choice. I think I'd tell her, she's gonna discover it either way, sooner or later.. although it may be too late now.

I've told someone something similar before. It felt good to get it out there and to let that woman know what and who she is dealing with. Then it's her choice from there whether she stays or not. If it were me, I would want to know.

[Shadow wings]

Thanks for your replies. I'm going to tell her. She deserves to know. I'm just so angry that this man has put me in this position. Depending on what she does when I tell her I will know that I have been part of breaking up a family. Regardless of the fact that I did not know I still feel terrible.

[Aviza]

Be honest with her about how you didn't know he was in a relationship, but say once you found out you felt she needed to know. She'll hate you but it is best to know. My first marriage ended because of physical abuse after I confronted him about his affair. I knew for a while but I waited to confront him until I was ready.

[Shadow wings]

I'm sorry you experienced that. I fully understand that she will hate me. I think it's a fair enough reaction to be honest. What a mess this man has created

[Patagonia]

Did you ask this person outright if they were in a relationship?
Was it lied about or just never brought up?

You said it was by pure accident you discovered this, what do you think would’ve happened if it continued?

(I’m not pointing any fingers, I’m just wondering what the other side of this looks like if it’s possible)
I’m sorry this happened to you & im sure you feel outraged by it.
But does your outrage of being duped justify telling the other women.
It’s just not a very black & white sided situation.

[TishaBuv]

I wouldn’t hate the other woman if she told me she was dating him and had no idea he was married/committed and having a baby. I’d thank her for telling me, much as it would be devastating. She might not even believe you and call you a liar. Yes, I’d tell her. He’s a dirty rat and there are STD’s.

[Hairball]

Oh Lord please please tell her! She does not deserve to be treated this way, plus who knows how many other women he has on the string. He needs to be stopped in his tracks.

She may even be greatful instead of upset. If it were me I would be upset with my husband and respect you for telling me. But that is me!

If u do end up telling her please let us know what happens!!!

[Shadow wings]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Did you ask this person outright if they were in a relationship?
Was it lied about or just never brought up?

You said it was by pure accident you discovered this, what do you think would’ve happened if it continued?

(I’m not pointing any fingers, I’m just wondering what the other side of this looks like if it’s possible)
I’m sorry this happened to you & im sure you feel outraged by it.
But does your outrage of being duped justify telling the other women.
It’s just not a very black & white sided situation.

He actively lied. Said he wasn't with anyone.

I've no idea what would've happened if it continued, I suppose one of us wouldve found out eventually.

I'm telling her because I think she should know not because I'm outraged. I am outraged but that's directed at him. As others have replied here he could have other women along for the ride, she doesn't deserve to be treated with so little respect. I know it's not a black and white situation and I'm feeling pretty awful about the whole thing but ultimately I think it's the right thing to do to tell her.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I will let you know how it goes.

[Patagonia]

Have you confronted him about this?
Wish you the best of luck.

[~Christina]

Will you talk to him prior to calling her? I would not just for your own safety. Who knows how his reaction will be.

Stay safe

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Shadow wings

Depending on what she does when I tell her I will know that I have been part of breaking up a family.

You are not responsible, he did that himself.

[TishaBuv]

Some men are like alley cats, with kids all over town.

[Shadow wings]

Thank you all for your replies. I decided to tell her without confronting him first. Mostly because I didn't want to give him the chance to weasel out of anything so I have told her. I said I was really sorry but I felt she had a right to know. That I had no idea he was in a relationship, that I would have never got involved if I did. She mostly was a bit shocked, as far as she was concerned everything in their relationship was going well. She cried, understandably. I don't know what she is going to do.

I have then confronted him. Told him what I think of him and told him that I had told her. He got pretty angry but I just walked away.

I feel terrible for her but I think I did the right thing.

[Patagonia]

You sound vindicated.

I know my views on such matters are not seen as positive & some think that I try to purposely antagonize the OP.
I am not.
IMHO, & I know I’ll take tons of shyte for this, I would not have taken the responsibility of someone I don’t know, or their situation & told information to make a wrong a right. I’m not sure I could come to such a confident conclusion w/o more answers.

Hopefully now you can just move on.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Shadow wings

Thank you all for your replies. I decided to tell her without confronting him first. Mostly because I didn't want to give him the chance to weasel out of anything so I have told her. I said I was really sorry but I felt she had a right to know. That I had no idea he was in a relationship, that I would have never got involved if I did. She mostly was a bit shocked, as far as she was concerned everything in their relationship was going well. She cried, understandably. I don't know what she is going to do.

I have then confronted him. Told him what I think of him and told him that I had told her. He got pretty angry but I just walked away.

I feel terrible for her but I think I did the right thing.

Well done, look after yourself

I think that you did the right thing. I would want to know about it as soon as possible. What if you weren't the only one else he was seeing? If you hadn't told her then he can think he can do it again with someone else.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Some men are like alley cats, with kids all over town.

Let’s not get into broad stereotypes bec the same could be said about women

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Let’s not get into broad stereotypes bec the same could be said about women

A woman can’t make kids all over town.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

A woman can’t make kids all over town.

But they can sleep around as much as men do. Although I’m not saying that is what happened

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

But they can sleep around as much as men do. Although I’m not saying that is what happened

I was commenting on how there may be more women who don’t know about the others and perhaps he’s even had kids with them.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I was commenting on how there may be more women who don’t know about the others and perhaps he’s even had kids with them.

There’s just too many what if’s & not enough info.

[tecomsin]

To the OP, how are you feeling now? Are you still raging?