My friend, I'll call her "Olga" (because why not give fake Russian names to people to protect their anonymity), I am miffed with her. She does this all the time. She either just doesn't get back to me, or she'll get back to me really late. This time, it was almost 2 weeks later. It made me feel like s.h.i.t. She "likes" my Facebook posts all the time and mentions on there sometimes that we "need to get together." Anyway, I decided to let her message me if she really wanted that to happen. But I ended up messaging her 2 weeks ago, when I was in a good mood, and looking to be social.

Anyway, she never messaged me back, and I felt like **** about it. Then a few days ago, she messages me. 12 days after I messaged her, and says "sorry about last week, I was really in my head, do you want to get together next week? how are you?"

I guess I just don't know how to take this and I decided not to message her back. I understand that there are different levels of friendship. But it feels disrespectful to me to have her do that. It bothers me and I don't like it.

The only reason I want to message her back now, tonight, is because I'm lonely. I also do want to message her, I think. But what she does bothers me. I suppose I could just tell her that.

I read in a book about dementia, that people who get dementia are often those who socially isolate. I do want to change my own social habits. I want to be more part of my community. I've missed church and meditation 3 weeks in a row. I will promise myself to be there on Sunday.

Tomorrow I don't have that much going on. But I AM going to a farmer's market that I'm excited for. I have a bunch of social things going on Monday which I'm excited for.

[TishaBuv]

‘Been too much in her head’ sounds like maybe she has depression. Why not give it another try and just reach out and be a friend? Maybe ask her what’s been going on with her.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

‘Been too much in her head’ sounds like maybe she has depression. Why not give it another try and just reach out and be a friend? Maybe ask her what’s been going on with her.

Thanks Tisha. That could be. I think I'm going to.

[Skeezyks]

My wife has experiences such as these with some of her friends. And I get the impression she often feels similarly to the way you do. (Personally I don't have friends. So this is never a problem for me.) My personal feeling, on this sort of thing, is that you just take people as you find them & don't worry about. If they call... fine. If they don't... that's okay too. But I would guess I'm probably in the minority on that one.

So... people who isolate are often those who develop dementia, huh? (Actually I've read that too.) Guess that means I'm headed for my local memory care center...

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

My wife has experiences such as these with some of her friends. And I get the impression she often feels similarly to the way you do. (Personally I don't have friends. So this is never a problem for me.) My personal feeling, on this sort of thing, is that you just take people as you find them & don't worry about. If they call... fine. If they don't... that's okay too. But I would guess I'm probably in the minority on that one.

So... people who isolate are often those who develop dementia, huh? (Actually I've read that too.) Guess that means I'm headed for my local memory care center...

Hehe, had to laugh at your last line Skeezers. Who knows why people really get dementia and some don't. Perhaps its not important. Life is a terminal illness, anyway. And thanks.

So I have been wanting, for the longest time, to create a wellness group for women, for my area. I just did it. I don't have enough money for meet up. But I took a first step and made a group on Facebook.

Wow starrysky, that's terrific!

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Wow starrysky, that's terrific!

Thanks!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by starrysky

So I have been wanting, for the longest time, to create a wellness group for women, for my area. I just did it. I don't have enough money for meet up. But I took a first step and made a group on Facebook.

Wow this is so great! Such positivity makes me smile for sure! As far as your friend goes, she may be suffering with something like TishaBuv suggested, but personally for me, those things bother me too.

I was really close with a girl I knew from a Day Treatment Program (for mental health) for many years. I knew going in that she had a lot of issues, but I was a trooper and I really wanted to be there for her, and honestly I had a lot of fun hanging out with her and doing things together.

Unfortunately, my patience ran out, because she used to call all the time, wanting to hang out, and then I would get all dressed up ready to go, and she would totally ghost me. No phone call, no explanation, nothing. And when I called her to find out what happened she wouldn't answer. Hours would pass, or sometimes even days, and I would get a message saying "I'm sorry, I was stuck" (Being stuck in her head and not being able to do anything has been her problem since day one).

I guess I got tired of being treated that way, and I understand people have issues and mental illnesses that make it hard for them to be social, but that is no excuse for having common courtesy and doing the decent thing by your friends. Trust me I have a TON of issues relating to my bipolar, but I could never do that to someone I thought of as a friend, especially someone I had known so long.

So, it is up to you how you want to deal with it, but you have to decide for yourself what is acceptable to you, and what you're willing to deal with. Who knows, she may end up being a really good friend to you in the end.

I have let people go like this, and just keep them as fb friends only. If they say, let’s get together, I say yes, let’s get together soon! And then I just don’t make any attempt. Nothing tends to happen, and that’s OK. I don’t put any energy into it.

It sounds like you have some other social things you can do that would be better for you!

Thanks everyone. I did message her last night. And heard nothing back, which, again, feels ******. Key Tones, I really love what you said. That was my plan. She also doesn't really have mental health issues. She is a regular person. A "Normie." LOL. She has problems in life, and is health oriented, etc. But that's everyone. Anyway, thanks.

[Hairball]

On the other end of the spectrum I feel u are blessed to even have a friend. I would give my eye teeth to just hear from someone once in a while.

[TishaBuv]

You are a better person for trying to reach out. It’s on her now to at least be polite and respond. If she takes more than a few days to respond, you should ask her what’s up with her strange behavior, is it something you said? Open up for discussion. That’s what friendship is.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You are a better person for trying to reach out. It’s on her now to at least be polite and respond. If she takes more than a few days to respond, you should ask her what’s up with her strange behavior, is it something you said? Open up for discussion. That’s what friendship is.

Thanks for this!! Sounds good.

I changed the name of my group to "Women's Mental Wellness Group." I'm kind of nervous about that. I feel the stigma already. That's what feels right and most comfortable, to me, right now, instead of a broad umbrella of just wellness. I don't know though. I am kind of uncomfortable making a meet up group about mental health.

Originally Posted by starrysky

I changed the name of my group to "Women's Mental Wellness Group." I'm kind of nervous about that. I feel the stigma already. That's what feels right and most comfortable, to me, right now, instead of a broad umbrella of just wellness. I don't know though. I am kind of uncomfortable making a meet up group about mental health.

Nobody cares apparently.

Starrysky, what do you mean by nobody caring? Do you mean that no one has joined your Facebook page?

Does your friend do what she does to everyone? Maybe she get anxious?

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Starrysky, what do you mean by nobody caring? Do you mean that no one has joined your Facebook page?

Does your friend do what she does to everyone? Maybe she get anxious?

Hey. Thanks. Sorry. I think I was looking for support in my last post about the group I made, and nobody responded so I felt bad. I should have said it a different way though.

I don't feel fit to run a group. I might delete it. I added like 10 friends though and some were excited about it. I think I will just leave it and not do anything with it for the time being. And look for opportunities in the community to be social.

I think people here do care Starry, but I know myself I have no experience of Facebook groups so maybe other people don't either - I wouldn't feel I could say anything helpful.

About your friend, that kind of behaviour is irritating and confusing. I have had it off a few people too and most times we never really know why, is it us, is it them. My own sister does it a fair bit, it still makes me feel sad. They have other priorities I guess.

What I try to do is not make myself too available to people like this and try to focus on other things instead. Even just reading or watching a good movie can help.

Thanks Prefab.

I do know that people care. Sometimes it's hard to, when I get no response. My mind just automatically "Goes there." But realistically, I do know that people here care.

I agree with not making myself too available. I think I am going to say something to her. Because it really does bother me. But yeah, I agree with what you said.

Originally Posted by starrysky

Thanks Prefab.

I do know that people care. Sometimes it's hard to, when I get no response. My mind just automatically "Goes there." But realistically, I do know that people here care.

I agree with not making myself too available. I think I am going to say something to her. Because it really does bother me. But yeah, I agree with what you said.

I get that, I really do. I have to tell myself the same thing I told you, and when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable it feels worse. I understand, and it's good you are talking it through (it's helped me to process some thoughts too so thank you).

I talked to my friend! I messaged her and asked her if there was a reason, and that it made me feel badly. She wrote back the nicest message. She apologized and said that she felt really badly. She has been stressed a lot lately and being reclusive. And she is always busy. She didn't say that last part, but I know she is! She said to please not take it personally. I wrote back thank you so much and some supportive stuff, and I felt a lot better.

I am going to get myself busier. My friend (a different one) said that I should join the community choir. I am thinking about it. They are very accepting. I could at least try it.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I get that, I really do. I have to tell myself the same thing I told you, and when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable it feels worse. I understand, and it's good you are talking it through (it's helped me to process some thoughts too so thank you).

[Macd123]

Hate to say this but if she really cared, i.e., if she was a friend she wouldn’t ignore you. My advice, and take it for what it’s worth, is to not invest a lot of effort into this relationship - she’s just not there for you. Real friends pay attention......