[Betrayed92]

Earlier, my soon to be ex husband came to my apartment drunk begging me to take him back and I ended up having to call the police because he got angry with me and won't leave when I refused to take him back and I told him to leave. After that unpleasant experience I started to think about why I always seem to go for guys who seem great but then they turn out be a very toxic person for me. I'm beginning to think that there is just something wrong with me that makes fall for this type of guy and I'm think that maybe I shouldn't try to find someone else after this relationship. Am I right in thinking this or, am I wrong in thinking this.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think it is quite possible for you to find and be in a relationship with someone who is different to your ex husband.

You've had a bad run, but it won't necessarily always be that way.

My partner is 1000% different to my ex husband. Yeah he can be a bit annoying, just a teeny bit, but I'd far rather that than have a relationship with someone as arrogant as my ex husband.

[TishaBuv]

Thinking is good. Ending toxic is good. Giving yourself a breather between new relationships in order to really examine yourself and make healthier choices is good.

'You are the common denominator in all your relationships' - Dr. Phil.

I think that it is great that you are seeing your pattern. Now you can change it.

[divine1966]

It’s not that there is something wrong with you but you clearly always attract same type of men. They likely aren’t great at first at all, you just do not see it, or ignore it. Try to build friendship with men first and denelip true knowledge of a person prior to getting romantically infatuated

[Betrayed92]

I want to thank everyone who replied to my post. I think that one of my problems that I need to learn how to be single again and figure out myself before I think about being with someone again. I also need to learn to have to self -worth that doesn't need to be given to me by someone else and I need learn not to ignore the red flags that I get from men. I really need to learn to make better choices for my self and my daughter.

[TishaBuv]

Seem great, but then show they are not so great vs. seem great, but them become toxic for me—
Have you only had the experience of all your loves become toxic? Toxic in the same way?

[Betrayed92]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Seem great, but then show they are not so great vs. seem great, but them become toxic for me—
Have you only had the experience of all your loves become toxic? Toxic in the same way?

I have only had the experience of all my loves becoming toxic but they are toxic in different ways.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Betrayed92

I have only had the experience of all my loves becoming toxic but they are toxic in different ways.

So they became toxic for you? Like in causing you to be ill?

[MickeyCheeky]

It's great that you're acknowledging a pattern. Now you just need to recognize it and start to break it.
Do you see a therapist?

[Betrayed92]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

So they became toxic for you? Like in causing you to be ill?

They become toxic in away like my ex husband where the relationship was all about them and everything bad was my fault and in the past my exes became controlling and manipulative and I also had issues with being abused physically and verbally, and emotionally by my exes in the past.

[Betrayed92]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

It's great that you're acknowledging a pattern. Now you just need to recognize it and start to break it.
Do you see a therapist?

I don't see a therapist right now but I'm thinking about make a appointment to see one.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Betrayed92

They become toxic in away like my ex husband where the relationship was all about them and everything bad was my fault and in the past my exes became controlling and manipulative and I also had issues with being abused physically and verbally, and emotionally by my exes in the past.

Great for how you articulated exactly what happened and the stages of how it began and grew.

[alldaysit]

This is my exact same story with the woman in my life. After hundreds of hours of researching I traced the problem back to MY childhood. My father never “acknowledgingly(sp) loved me”. So I grew up with a false sense of love. I truly don’t know what true love feels like in a spouse, yet. In the past as an adult, I would meet a normal woman and think she doesn’t seem into me, when in reality the “normal” signs may all be there I just didn’t feel them because I lacked them as a child. I have begun rebuilding myself as my parents should have built me as a child, and I as a 31 year old male have now been feeling so much better. I found a great psychologist who has a rebuilding plan and I advance so much after each meeting. It’s a wonderful feeling. I can see and feel the happiness, and I am going through divorce right now as I was married to a toxic person. Get this, I married my “dad” in the form of a beautiful woman. My father and my “ex”-wife are nearly the same person, and my ex wife just picked up where the abuse from my father left off.

Thinking back on my entire relationship with my wife, there were so many red flags a normal man would have seen and not put up with, but since I was conditioned as a child that this bad behavior was ok, I put up with it, married it, and had my own child with it. Now I have recognized it and will be ensuring my daughter will not grow up in the same household that I did. My daughter is already so much happier it’s so good (as am I).

I am so proud of you for recognizing this. It’s extremely difficult to get through and over, but happiness is waiting on the other side and it’s so damn well worth the pain, trust me.

The thing about this type of change is you can’t force it. You don’t ask for it. You are not in control of it. You only can control so much. Control your environment and make it as positive as you can. Limit communication with your ex as you have said your better off without him, or end it if you can. It will be extremely challenging but you can do it. Identify the toxic people in your life and do what’s in your best interest. My ex tried everything in the book, mail, email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, work, everything. I never responded once; thank goodness. The only thing she didn’t do was communicate with me one on one. She never said I want you back, or can we work this out; yet tried every other method to harm me or get me back. It’s extremely strange and hurtful to me but if you can weather that storm without reacting it will stop because they don’t get the response they think they need/deserve. If I had responded in any way she would have felt that fulfilling acknowledgement and kept doing it.