[Dazed65]

We have been together on and off since 2015, moved in together in December of 2016. We shared everything, even our cell phones. I started having hormone problems in October, and our sex life pretty much stopped. We still went places and showed our love to each other. Then the beginning of November I got the cell phone bill and to my surprise, he had started speaking to women, one of whom was a friend of ours, till she admitted to me she had fallen in love with him in December of 2016. We agreed no more contact. I found out that he started texting and calling his ex's. 1000’s of text and calls. I had often asked if I could use his cell for one thing or the other, and he suddenly became very protective of it. I played along and slowly stopped going places with him, and doing things for him. Each bill would take a piece of my heart. I hoped and prayed he would come clean. I became obsessed with the daily call and text logs, but couldn't bring myself to ask him what was going on, till a month ago. He denies everything except for talking to the old friend and a few female co workers. He said that the phone company made mistakes in billing. He erased all the calls and text, and when I finally got his phone I was restoring the messages and he snapped the phone out of my hand and said he had personal conversation with his daughter, whom he rarely talks to that he didn't want me to see, and said he was insulted that I would even think he was cheating. He pushed all the blame back to me, and said nothing is going on. He says he loves me and doesn't want me to leave, but he is gaslighting me, and it is literally killing me. I lost my husband in 2013, and he was the most faithful man I ever knew, and know I hate myself even more for not making him fight the cancer.
I told him all he had to say was one word and it would be over, but he says telling me it was a mistake is good enough, I know I would be gone in a heartbeat if the shoe was on the other foot, but he won't even do that. He is hiding something and I can't let it go. I swore to myself that I would never let a man hurt me again. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in a lease for another 5 months, and I am afraid I am going to come home and find an empty apartment, it's already affecting my job. I don't know what to do. I really just want to fall asleep and not wake up….

Are both of your names on the lease?

Oh, and welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry about what your are having to deal with.

[Dazed65]

Unfortunately, yes.
4 more months. If I can make it

[crushed_soul]

Dazed65, I wish for you to be not just "ok," but well. I empathize immensely.

You, right now, are a victim of emotional and physiological abuse. Please take a moment for that to sink in.

From reading your initial post, if you have proof of his lies and so forth a you stated, the man is engaging in both emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse via gaslighting, shifting the blame, convincing you of guilt, denial, marginalization (of your views and feelings,) costing debt (or control through money), and maybe other tactics. Abuse and manipulation are forms of control. The aforesaid behavior is unjustifiable and intolerable. Moreover, trauma might develop (or already is developing) because of emotional and psychological abuse.

Although you only shared part of the story, there seems to be possibly and probably more to him than just being abusive and manipulating.

If you are concerned for your well being, especially physically, are there are people (e.g. family, friends, coworkers) whom to tell about your situation? You should highly consider finding others for protection and safety.

There are at least two threads that are of similar topics for you to read if you choose in order to, maybe, find some helpful content, advice or any info to assist you.

Here are links to them:

one thread

second thread

You need to confront your decision on what to do (and not to do,) whether it is trying to keep your relationship, leaving (and taking steps,) and so forth. Please do not prolong, flee from or deny such a decision because your well being (physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual) and not just at risk, but some areas of your well being are already being damaged. Additionally, the damage will probably continue until action (e.g. the control stopping) is executed.

[~Christina]

I’m sorry he is putting you through this hell.

What is your plan for when the lease is up ? Can you financially make it on your own ?

Welcome to PC

[Bill3]

Three months to go. Hang in there and plan for the future!