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  #1  
Old Feb 28, 2018, 05:23 PM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,848
My boyfriend is in the hospital for about the 4rth time since Christmas. Could be the 5th . . . I'm losing track. When he's home, he requires a great deal of help with just about everything. (Ex: Can't shower or shave himself.) He has pneumonia and has gotten so weak he can barely stand. My big worry is that I won't be able to nanage his care at home. I think we need to get a hospital bed set up at home, which he's not really in favor of.

There is a home attendant who comes by three days a week to help me. She is about 50 years old and quite petite. I'm worried that he is going to be too hard for her to manage, if he can't even stand up very well.

I've successfully managed his care at home for the past 5 years. Without me, he would have been in a nursing home 5 years ago. I very much want to continue caring for him at home. At this point, it will be way more challenging than it has been. I am feeling overwhelmed.

The VA seems to be pushing me toward placing him in a nursing home, rather than helping me solve the logistical problems of successfully caring for him at home. I am saddened by this.

I hate feeling like the team at the hospital and I are becoming adversaries.
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  #2  
Old Feb 28, 2018, 07:01 PM
crushed_soul crushed_soul is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: usa
Posts: 114
My utmost empathy to you, Rose76. What you are doing is of much care, love and more.

Forgive me for my lack of knowledge and history in such circumstances.

If I may humble ask, have you discussed your aforesaid concerns with the VA or someone, especially one who is in a position of authority?
Thanks for this!
Rose76
  #3  
Old Feb 28, 2018, 07:31 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2014
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Rose, you have been faithfully caring for him through all of your depression and struggles. I know you want to continue caring for him, but maybe taking on MORE responsibility of caring for him is not going to help your struggles at all? Maybe it is time to place him in a facility that can take some burden off of you? I know you feel very strongly, morally and ethically about this, but I just want to remind you about how hard being his caregiver has been on you and ask you if you really are able (not willing, we know you are willing) to take on more of his care? What will it do to your mental health? Just food for thought.

I hope you are able to work things out with the VA.

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
Rose76
  #4  
Old Feb 28, 2018, 11:14 PM
Anonymous445852
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I don't understand hospitals in the U.S., I'm in canada and here someone who is that sick, and I think you mentioned he was diagnosed with something more serious than pneumonia, would be kept in hospital or put into a palliative care room in the hospital. Sometimes I think our health care sucks, other times I'm very thankful for it.
I wish you had more options than the dive nursing homes.
You have too much knowledge about it and that worries you that he won't be treated well.
I still think you could visit often enough and make him more comfortable wherever nursing home you could find that is affordable, with or without the V.A. If you don't, you are over sacrificing yourself, and your depression will surely continue until you can't do it anymore. I'm not saying its impossible, but it sure seems like you will put yourself through more than you can handle soon. I hope you get some better help, or better advice soon to manage outside of his home, or as you want so badly, to keep caring for him at his home.

I understand how much you want this, I wish I could have cared for my own mother but it wouldn't have been physically possible. She had alzheimers and was up and down all night, and eventually had too many falls. Nothing but strapping her in bed would have kept her from falling, and that is illegal.. Sorry I go on, but I'm just not seeing how you can do this yourself. I wish you the best.
Thanks for this!
Rose76
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