[graystreet]

I find myself just about getting to a healthy place where I feel like I'm moving on, but then I get pulled back into the mentality that the narc relationship was my fault, and that he wasn't a narc at all.

It's just that I have always been the common denominator when it comes to the ruin in my life. People hate me. My own family doesn't want much to do with me. He told me I was "one of the most unpleasant people [he's] met in [his] life." Well...and then he kept saying he wanted me to stay, kept wanting me to sleep with him. But he's right. I am an unpleasant person. My friends aren't really friends; they're 3 people I've gathered who actually can stand to be around me for any extended amount of time. I can tell you that, in spite of knowing me for a while (one friend has known me since 1999), they don't know me. My oldest friend was talking about things she wanted to do for my birthday, being that it's a BIG birthday and all. She was like, "I was thinking I'd take you out to one of those wine and canvas things!

I freaking hate wine and canvas. The only time I ever suggest this to my friends is because I know they won't do the things I want to do--go see a live band play downtown, go see a jazz band play at a bar or something. Also, I'm trying to get rid of things in my apartment, pack it up so I can leave town...not add more junk to it. I realized no one I spend any time with knows a thing about what I like to do. Even if they did, they wouldn't do it with me.

My one friend, whom I've just started talking to again because she's selfish as **** (she even admitted it to me when we started talking again) will click "interested" on the same Facebook events as me. Rather than invite me, she'll go alone. If I invite her, it'll be something like, "Oh...not sure I'm going" or some other random excuse. It's only been two weeks since she's been back in my life and I'm already so over her "I'm so busy, but I'll squeeze you in somewhere" kind of vibe. Look, if you don't want to hang out, just don't. I don't need you in my life. But I'll not be an afterthought, either.

I'm just disenchanted with my life. It's not that I think it'll be much better if I take an assignment somewhere else. It's just that at least I won't have to deal with the pain of having people who have known me for decades who barely give a ****.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are having hard time.

Could it be that your friend wants you to try something different? Maybe it’s ok to go do something that you normally wouldn’t do? I get it that it’s not your thing but “hate” is a strong feeling about something kind of trivial. You could do it just for laughs?

At the same time could it be that these people just don’t have things in common with you? I am not saying you must share all interests but some? In general people gravitate to those who share some things in common? Like if you have totally different tastes and interests than your friends, it seems to be hard to maintain friendship.

There is a poster on here who likes to listen to life bands “golden eve”, she lives no where near you but she might have pointers how she met like minded people?

[SorryShaped]

The easy way to meet the people that go to live bands is to go see live bands, even if by yourself. I went to a concert by myself last month and had an amazing time. I did not make friends there but did introduce strangers to a local musician in a roundabout way

[divine1966]

My daughter met her late husband at a concert. She was there alone and so was he. Ended up having seats next to each other. Well that doesn’t happen often but we never know.

I’ve met couple of my good friends in hobby groups/societies. It might be the easiest way to make friends: hobby groups of sorts/community classes where people share interests. Listening to live band might be one of those ways if that’s your passion

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by divine1966

My daughter met her late husband at a concert. She was there alone and so was he. Ended up having seats next to each other. Well that doesn’t happen often but we never know.

I’ve met couple of my good friends in hobby groups/societies. It might be the easiest way to make friends: hobby groups of sorts/community classes where people share interests. Listening to live band might be one of those ways if that’s your passion

Jazz is kind of laid back and you could talk to people there. Personally, I'd be too into any live show to want to think about anything out anyone else during the performance, but it could happen. Concerts are so emotionally charged in all ways at once. It's some very raw energy, refined into their best of efforts in hopes of self-promotion. I've worked for a few musicians and it's much easier to just go see a show. They can be so quirky.

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by divine1966

My daughter met her late husband at a concert. She was there alone and so was he. Ended up having seats next to each other. Well that doesn’t happen often but we never know.

I’ve met couple of my good friends in hobby groups/societies. It might be the easiest way to make friends: hobby groups of sorts/community classes where people share interests. Listening to live band might be one of those ways if that’s your passion

People just aren't like that where I live. I have gone to meetups. I have gone to things alone. I have TRIED TO MEET FRIENDS FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS.

Why does no one understand this?

"Hate" is not a strong word when you simply cannot get through to the people in your life that you DONT LIKE DOING THE SAME BANAL THINGS THEY LIKE DOING and they refuse to try doing the things you want to do. It's like, look...I'm not a Christian. I never will be. I don't LIKE doing these white bread things that this boring *** town has to offer.

I. Am. So. ****ing. BORED.

[graystreet]

And no, she's not trying to get me to do a new thing. She literally has no clue what I like. I could ask her hey, S. What is it that I like to do?

She would have no clue. Meanwhile, I could give you a comprehensive list of the things which interest her.

On her 30th birthday, her sisters-in-law planned an extensive surprise party for her. For my 30th? Nothing. Nada. I sat home. Where was this friend? "Oh, I hadn't heard from you for a few weeks, so I thought you didn't want to do anything."

Yeah. Because everyone wants to sit home eating a grocery store cake by themselves on their 30th.

Pretty much what I'm going to do on my 40th, too. But I'd rather do that than hang out with a bunch of people who don't know **** about me, and couldn't be bothered to actually be there for me when the **** hits the fan.

Eh. J was right. I'm the most unpleasant person in the world. No wonder he did what he did to me. I totally deserved it.

[TishaBuv]

It’s all relative. I’m slightly envious that you have a friend who asked to take you out for your birthday, period. No friends did that for me.

I have a friend who has a birthday right around mine and for the past several years, she’ll call and ask ‘where are we going to celebrate OUR birthdays?’

I have been invited to celebrate some other friends’ birthdays, a whole group of women who took turns all going out for each other’s birthdays. When it came to mine, nobody called, nobody celebrated mine. So I bought gifts and picked up lunch for several women who weren’t even my friends, and no one reciprocated.

[divine1966]

I understand difficulty with making friends in adulthood. It is a lot of work. Work to find them and then trying to find time to maintain it. Ugh

I don’t care about birthdays though. I usually work on my birthday anyways. I routinely forget how old I am. I think this attitude of no expectations helped me not to get bothered with getting upset. It’s just one day out of other 364.

No most certainly you didn’t deserve to be treated poorly by that man. It was all about domination and power with this guy. No one deserves the kind of treatment. Decent people don’t do the kind of stuff.