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#1
Mar 21, 2018, 05:56 PM
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My husband and I have been married 30 years. Everything he says or does just annoys me. I'm ready to start having an affair and seeing a married guy from work. I don't know what to do. We've talked I told him what specifically bothers me but it just doesn't seem to help.
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 Medusax
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 Medusax
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#2
Mar 22, 2018, 12:36 AM
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#3
Mar 22, 2018, 05:30 AM
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I agree with the above poster -- excellent points! Being unhappy yourself can make someone seem much more irritating. I do wonder if that is the real issue?
How has the relationship been for the last 30 years? Is it a good one? A healthy one? Has it been fulfilling and happy until now? I would hold off on having an affair until you get to the bottom of the issue. An affair can destroy the relationship and will pull you emotionally away from your husband even further. Once that happens, you cannot turn back time or change what you have done. You may later regret your actions, which would also be very hurtful to your husband if he ever found out. That is very dangerous territory. 30 years is a LONG time. Affairs devastate the person who is being cheated on, especially after so many years together. DO think about this deeply before you take any action in that direction. Are you in therapy yourself? If so, perhaps talk to your therapist about what you are feeling. |
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#4
Mar 22, 2018, 03:51 PM
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Thank you! When we met I was very high strung career oriented and his relaxed, fun loving nature helped me put my priorities in order. No I'm not in therapy but I'm starting to think maybe he and I should do couples counseling.
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#5
Mar 22, 2018, 04:06 PM
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Yes I am fulfilled in work and my routines. I enjoy my job and the things I volunteer in. Our relationship has been up and down over the years but in the past 11 years it seems to have gotten worse. I've filled my emptiness with other activities. About 8 years ago our daughter who was in 1st grade was having some separation and school issues so I left my job that I had been at for 12 years to be with her more. Financially I needed to go back to work so I found a great job that I've been at for almost 4 years. A few months ago someone I work with started showing me more attention than my husband did. My husband and I had a very good conversation about what I was feeling. We both agreed to work on things. Mine being to ask for something if I need it. How many times can you ask for affection and not being treated like you don't mean anything???
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#6
Mar 30, 2018, 10:46 PM
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Don't have the affair...I've had them myself and believe me, they are not worth it. Trust me, you were will SORELY disappointed. You ever heard the saying, "don't dip your wick in the company inkwell"? Having an affair is bad enough, but with someone you work with it is a guaranteed disaster. |
| Medusax
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#7
Mar 30, 2018, 10:50 PM
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This kind of thing....even just contemplating an affair, not necessarily having one...is like crack cocaine. It's addictive....been there, done that....cured! |
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#8
Mar 30, 2018, 11:05 PM
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I have been married for 28 years to the wrong person. Everything he does annoys me as well. The positive part is that I am very adept at self soothing, and can go off on my own and do things that are interesting to me. IMHO, having an affair would compound your problems. Besides, HE is annoying as well, you just don't know it yet.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. 
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#9
Mar 30, 2018, 11:07 PM
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@SMRY....I am very thankful I never dated a co-worker. I always balked at it and having watched what goes on with other people, i am very glad i kept work/personal life separate.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
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#10
Mar 30, 2018, 11:12 PM
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Trust me, the potential affair partner is annoying to his wife, and she annoys him, and that's married life. |
| Medusax
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#11
Mar 30, 2018, 11:28 PM
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Above all else I'd recommend either you see a psychologist that can help you with your feelings; or try couples counselling.
If it gets to the stage where you feel it's just not going to work and you've exhausted all measures; leave with your head held high. And somewhere down the future track you might find someone else. You don't need to "fix" your problems by having an affair. |
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