I think I might be toxic for my partners

Reflecting on my relationships, they all follow a pattern.
(sorry this is all kind of unfocused, I just needed to vent)

I get together with someone seemingly active (outgoing, has projects going on etc. independent) but after some period in a relationship with me, they get more passive, dependend, stay more and more at home & this kind of stuff.

I had partners who became controlling, dependend as a child or just simply depressed. I feel like I'm changing people in relationships, and not for the good. I am scared that I am this toxic relationship person

And I know that I'm not easy to be around, that I shut people out quickly and I'm one of this horrible people who value their own independency maybe a bit too much. I fear that I just take advantage of them ("nice to have somebody but leave me alone")
But it's so frustrating. I go in this relationships with all my desire for independency on full display and seek active ppl.
And then either they had problems with it, or I feel guilty for doing my own stuff while my partner sits at home again (which is totally my own issue and not a problem of a partner I know. Working on that.)

--- current situation. Maybe 60% related but I had a flow moment. Ignorable

My current partner moved with me to another city because of university and child. In the 3 years we moved here he hasn't found a friend on his own. All people we hang out with here are people I made friends with.
The problem is that we don't have the chance to hang out with them together often, because we would have no one to look after the child.

I feel guilty because he has friends in his old town (they skype/cat/mumble etc. an we visit regularly because of the grandparents) but this keeps him even more in the house.
And I feel guilty because all the friends I was able to make are students from political activities - not other parents which would give us a support system.

At the same time I don't know what to do. I showed him ressources for his mental health, but he stopped going there. Not because he didn't want to go, but because he missed one appointment and was then to embarrassed to call.
He finally has a small job (took me only one year to get him to write applications..), this improves his mental health a bit. Oh, and he went to coffee with a coworker last week (maybe finally a new friend?).

I know he has depression, but I'm not in a situation where I have the strength to take him by the hand. I have a job in a responsible position, I'm writing my bachelors thesis, then there is the child and my own therapy. Maybe shutting him out is just more of a defense mechanism but I feel like a terrible partner right now.

I think you are doing what you can for your partner. He needs to take some responsibility for his own mental health. You can't make him better. I don't think missing an appointment is a good reason to stop seeking mental health resources. But you can't change him or make him do something he doesn't want to do.