[deepurplegirl]

I never think before I speak and make people angry. I always put my 2 cents in where it doesn't belong. I'm 37 and I live with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad and I have been fighting a lot lately. I'll say something that sets him off. He get in my face pointing his finger and it usually turns physical when he does that. As I feel like an animal being cornered. My mom tells me to think before I speak. Like its that easy. If it was I would have controlled myself better. I just hate myself! I just wish I could change, I'm tired of pushing people away and being hated. I feel like I am a horrible person.

[Bill3]

It sounds like you blame yourself for setting your stepdad off.

What sorts of comments set him off?

[deepurplegirl]

It is my fault. I got irritated that my step sister is staying the night on Christmas eve and acted out about it. I shouldn't say everything I think, but I do and I hate it.

[Bill3]

What were your feelings when you learned that your stepsister was staying over?

[deepurplegirl]

Annoyance and irritation. I don't like her. But it's ridiculous the hateful feeling I get.

[Bill3]

Your feelings are your feelings. I do not judge you for them.

The irritation and annoyance quickly build up into hatred?

[deepurplegirl]

Yes it does. I don't understand why though. Thank you for not judging.

[Bill3]

What brings you to not like her? And if it is okay to ask, roughly how old are you and how old is she?

[deepurplegirl]

I'm sorry it's been a while. I do apologize. I'm going to be 38 in a few weeks. She is 22. Why don't I like her? Where do I start. She lies! She lies so much I don't believe hardly anything she says. She has taken things from me without asking and breaks some of the things she takes. She's a know it all, but most of the time doesn't even know anything. She is a narcissist and it's all about her. She's said some hurtful things. She tries to compete with me, my sister and brother for my mother's attention. She didn't have a mother growing up because her mother was a heroin addict and overdosed. I understand that but the jealousy and always wanting the spot light on her gets old fast.

Originally Posted by deepurplegirl

I never think before I speak and make people angry. I always put my 2 cents in where it doesn't belong. I'm 37 and I live with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad and I have been fighting a lot lately. I'll say something that sets him off. He get in my face pointing his finger and it usually turns physical when he does that. As I feel like an animal being cornered. My mom tells me to think before I speak. Like its that easy. If it was I would have controlled myself better. I just hate myself! I just wish I could change, I'm tired of pushing people away and being hated. I feel like I am a horrible person.

Your mother giving you advice your step-father is the one who actually needs?
Sounds like scapegoating to me
Nothing wrong with giving two cents, and don't mind people who go away, because they probably can't give you the care you need anyway

[Loose Screw x 2]

Sounds like your step dad has a temper problem. Is he easily angered over other things? Does he have to be in control all of the time like an alpha male?
If some temperamental dude stuck his finger in my face I would be tempted to break it.

[VernonJenkins]

deepurplegirl, you are not responsible for the actions of anyone else but yourself, nor do you control them. With that said however, I am of the opinion that you should have more respect for your parents. It is their house and if you aren't happy about their decisions/rules/etcetera, perhaps it would be best if you found a new place to live. While I do think that your stepfather's reactions are too aggressive, I can understand why he has an issue with your behaviour.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

deepurplegirl, you are not responsible for the actions of anyone else but yourself, nor do you control them. With that said however, I am of the opinion that you should have more respect for your parents. It is their house and if you aren't happy about their decisions/rules/etcetera, perhaps it would be best if you found a new place to live. While I do think that your stepfather's reactions are too aggressive, I can understand why he has an issue with your behaviour.

Wow...

[VernonJenkins]

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

deepurplegirl, you are not responsible for the actions of anyone else but yourself, nor do you control them. With that said however, I am of the opinion that you should have more respect for your parents. It is their house and if you aren't happy about their decisions/rules/etcetera, perhaps it would be best if you found a new place to live. While I do think that your stepfather's reactions are too aggressive, I can understand why he has an issue with your behaviour.

I say this with the utmost sensitivity. I would feel the same way if I was in your position and I thought of my sister like that. Like I said, I just think it might be best that you move if you don't feel like you can control speaking out and you don't feel comfortable.

Maybe you feel stuck though. Is that the case?

[Shazerac]

While your stepdad may have anger issues...it is his house. Maybe you should think about living on your own.

[deepurplegirl]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Your mother giving you advice your step-father is the one who actually needs?
Sounds like scapegoating to me
Nothing wrong with giving two cents, and don't mind people who go away, because they probably can't give you the care you need anyway

Thank you! It does seem that way sometimes.

Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2

Sounds like your step dad has a temper problem. Is he easily angered over other things? Does he have to be in control all of the time like an alpha male?
If some temperamental dude stuck his finger in my face I would be tempted to break it.

He's usually mild mannered, but when he gets angry, HE GETS REAL ANGRY! Yeah. I didn't like him sticking his finger in my face.

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

I say this with the utmost sensitivity. I would feel the same way if I was in your position and I thought of my sister like that. Like I said, I just think it might be best that you move if you don't feel like you can control speaking out and you don't feel comfortable.

Maybe you feel stuck though. Is that the case?

I'm mentally disabled and can't live on my own. My mom told him from the beginning I was part of the package. I am emotionally unstable at times and say things without thinking.

[VernonJenkins]

Originally Posted by deepurplegirl

I'm mentally disabled and can't live on my own. My mom told him from the beginning I was part of the package. I am emotionally unstable at times and say things without thinking.

Does he get physical with you outside the realm of self-defence?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by deepurplegirl

I never think before I speak and make people angry. I always put my 2 cents in where it doesn't belong. I'm 37 and I live with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad and I have been fighting a lot lately. I'll say something that sets him off. He get in my face pointing his finger and it usually turns physical when he does that. As I feel like an animal being cornered. My mom tells me to think before I speak. Like its that easy. If it was I would have controlled myself better. I just hate myself! I just wish I could change, I'm tired of pushing people away and being hated. I feel like I am a horrible person.

while your father may be set off badly at times. I see that you're looking at how you speak your mind sometimes when you shouldn't. leaving aside all of the tangents that this thread has gone down making the issue about everyone else, I'm glad that you see that you behave in this way sometimes. This is the thing you need to address.

it's not easy to think about what you're going to say before you say it but in many if not most cases it's the best way to deal with things. I think that you know that how you blurt things out without thinking it causes a lot of arguments. Do you have a T to bring this up with?

I won't say anything along the lines of it's your stepdad's house and you need to respect him and all of that stuff... nor will I blame your stepdad entirely on the arguments that seem to be happening but I will say that you both have issues that need to be addressed here. And you can only control what you do... so with that in mind find a therapist or talk to the one you have to learn mindfulness or what ever means that would help you stop being so impulsive and at that point you've done your part in helping calm the situation.

[deepurplegirl]

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

Does he get physical with you outside the realm of self-defence?

No.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

while your father may be set off badly at times. I see that you're looking at how you speak your mind sometimes when you shouldn't. leaving aside all of the tangents that this thread has gone down making the issue about everyone else, I'm glad that you see that you behave in this way sometimes. This is the thing you need to address.

it's not easy to think about what you're going to say before you say it but in many if not most cases it's the best way to deal with things. I think that you know that how you blurt things out without thinking it causes a lot of arguments. Do you have a T to bring this up with?

I won't say anything along the lines of it's your stepdad's house and you need to respect him and all of that stuff... nor will I blame your stepdad entirely on the arguments that seem to be happening but I will say that you both have issues that need to be addressed here. And you can only control what you do... so with that in mind find a therapist or talk to the one you have to learn mindfulness or what ever means that would help you stop being so impulsive and at that point you've done your part in helping calm the situation.

Exactly! Sometimes it feels like the part of my brain that tells you shouldn't say something is broken and I hate myself for it. They think the only issue is me, but it's not.

[VernonJenkins]

Your mom's inability to recognize the error in your step-father's ways is disturbing.

[deepurplegirl]

I'm glad somebody see's it. I know it's not easy dealing with me, but it gets tiring sometimes. My mom always takes his side and everything is ALWAYS my fault. It's always why I can't change. I understand I cause a lot of issues, but it's hard to hear your faults all the time.