[rdgrad15]

A former friend I used to hang out with, but then she just cut me off, texted me once not long ago unexpectedly, and said she feels bad for not talking as much as she used to and neglecting the friendship. I feel like she just did that out of obligation or boredom. The reason is because she didn't give a good reason for her cutting me off and she just simply stopped the conversation soon after like she did before. I texted her the next day just to see if she would reply, she did but it was very short lived, she just stopped texting me. So I stopped texting her again.

Do you think she just did that out of obligation or is playing mind games or something? At first I thought she was having relationship problems but she said everything is fine, unless she is just hiding any problems they may have, even though she has been open to relationship problems in the past. She could have changed her ways. The alternative would be that she did it out of boredom or just did it to see how I would react, like a mind game or something.

I didn't go into much of how I felt since I didn't see the point in hashing it out with her. Maybe I will if she does it again but I still don't think it is worth it, it is just best to ignore her I think. I feel like if she really was sorry or really did feel bad, she would actually put in more effort, but she doesn't. It just seems like she said that out of obligation and there is another reason for her reaching out to me. It is possible there are a few possibilities for her reaching out to me.

Either she is having relationship issues and secretly wants to make sure I am still around in case things fall apart as a back up friend, or she did it out of pity, or obligation, or someone could have even guilt tripped her. What do you think? Just wondered. Like I mentioned, I feel like if she truly was sorry and really did care about me as a friend, she wouldn't always end a conversation abruptly, especially if I ask to hang out like she has in the past, or just give very short replies and just acts uninterested. I haven't talked to her since then and I am not going to. I am going back to just simply not talking to her again unless she texts me first.

[Wild Coyote]

Honestly, it sounds like it may be more sane to just move on with your life?

I know unsettled relationships can be a source of pain and the way you describe this one, it seems it won't get better/meet your needs.

Take good care of yourself.

WC

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Honestly, it sounds like it may be more sane to just move on with your life?

I know unsettled relationships can be a source of pain and the way you describe this one, it seems it won't get better/meet your needs.

Take good care of yourself.

WC

Yeah I agree. And yeah, I actually don't have any feelings of nostalgia towards the friendship, I was just surprised she even bothered to text me out of the blue. I don't miss her anymore, just confused as to why she texted me if she doesn't care. Just seemed pointless.

[crushed_soul]

In my humble perspective, more history and context would be required to attempt to accurately guess upon what you are asking. I am not requesting you to share any more than to which you are choosing.

Since you asked, "Do you think she just did that out of obligation or is playing mind games or something," there seem to be multiple possibilities that consist of motives, objectives or lack there of (motive and/or objective.) She could be bored, lonely, lining you up for future "use," guilty, remorseful, change of perspective and/or behavior, misses you, misses you and is embarrassed of her past actions of leaving the relationship/friendship she did to name a few explanations.

With that said, from what you state and how you convey what you state, self-interest seems like a probability to how much ever of a degree as to why she is contacting you now (and in the past.)

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

A former friend I used to hang out with, but then she just cut me off, texted me once not long ago unexpectedly, and said she feels bad for not talking as much as she used to and neglecting the friendship. I feel like she just did that out of obligation or boredom. The reason is because she didn't give a good reason for her cutting me off and she just simply stopped the conversation soon after like she did before. I texted her the next day just to see if she would reply, she did but it was very short lived, she just stopped texting me. So I stopped texting her again.

Do you think she just did that out of obligation or is playing mind games or something? At first I thought she was having relationship problems but she said everything is fine, unless she is just hiding any problems they may have, even though she has been open to relationship problems in the past. She could have changed her ways. The alternative would be that she did it out of boredom or just did it to see how I would react, like a mind game or something.

I didn't go into much of how I felt since I didn't see the point in hashing it out with her. Maybe I will if she does it again but I still don't think it is worth it, it is just best to ignore her I think. I feel like if she really was sorry or really did feel bad, she would actually put in more effort, but she doesn't. It just seems like she said that out of obligation and there is another reason for her reaching out to me. It is possible there are a few possibilities for her reaching out to me.

Either she is having relationship issues and secretly wants to make sure I am still around in case things fall apart as a back up friend, or she did it out of pity, or obligation, or someone could have even guilt tripped her. What do you think? Just wondered. Like I mentioned, I feel like if she truly was sorry and really did care about me as a friend, she wouldn't always end a conversation abruptly, especially if I ask to hang out like she has in the past, or just give very short replies and just acts uninterested. I haven't talked to her since then and I am not going to. I am going back to just simply not talking to her again unless she texts me first.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I had a similar experience myself. I could be wrong but have you ever thought about whether or not she is just using you? It might be a good idea to just ignored her and change your number. If she was a true friend she wouldn't be playing with your emotions. Ask yourself this question what does your friendship mean to you and why it is important? Then ask yourself how do you feel about this situation? For me I had to end my friendship for the sake my mental health because there was nothing more that I could do to save my friendship.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I had a similar experience myself. I could be wrong but have you ever thought about whether or not she is just using you? It might be a good idea to just ignored her and change your number. If she was a true friend she wouldn't be playing with your emotions. Ask yourself this question what does your friendship mean to you and why it is important? Then ask yourself how do you feel about this situation? For me I had to end my friendship for the sake my mental health because there was nothing more that I could do to save my friendship.

Oh yes I agree. I do think she could be trying to use me. From what I've heard and also just personal past experiences, an end of a friendship does not always mean total loss of communication, unless it was a total blowout and even then communication can be restored sometimes after some time has passed. In some cases, the person who ended the friendship will just use you as a back up friend or a sounding board so the person is not totally alone should something go wrong with a relationship or other friendships. I believe that is what she may be doing. If she truly did care, she would put in more effort. Even another casual friend who I mentioned in previous threads and that I reconnected with makes more of an effort than this former friend does. I am not close to her, just casual friends, but she puts in more effort than she used to.

[s4ndm4n2006]

There is no way for anyone here to know the intentions of the person in question. There isn't much evidence in any case to show any motive for what she's doing and what' going on in her life unless she shared it with you. Thing is since there is no way for you to know since she's not sharing that information with you, speculation on your part is simply spinning your wheels. If you asked and she said everything is fine, dont' read into it so much that you're second guessing her answer. There is really nothing here to be concerned about at this point. who knows what the motivation was.

My advice to you is to decide whether you're going to let her give you a poke now and again or if you want to move on and leave that friendship behind.

[sky457]

Hi Rd, I think your thoughts are valid. Any friendship (which is a type of relationship) is a mutual effort. Granted, their are exceptions. There are also plenty of people who don't know what a real friendship is. She may be in that category.

I have a lot of friends where I set up things to do the majority of the time. And some friends I have set up things to do with me the majority of the time. Yet, in the end, despite who sets up what, the feeling of friendship is mutual.