[lmt83]

I have a friend who I’m pretty sure is married to this personality type. She in a situation where leaving is not possible due to several situations. Mainly kids and damage that has been to her credibility due to him. I told her to get him to a doctor. To get diagnosed. She tried but that back fired and they ended up thinking she was the crazy one due to the unbelievable stress this nut is causing her. She can’t leave her 2 kids with him obviously but has no support system do to her own co dependency over the years as a result of this relationship and she has a very dysfunctional unsupportive family. Please be very detailed and long. Any advice or with this or could he have something else?

[Shazerac]

Welcome to psych central central. . Your friend is in an extremely difficult situation. There is no easy out in this situation. The only I can think offhand is throw up her hands and say “OK I give. I’m the crazy one! get me to a therapist or Pdoc ASAP.” Then she can get the help she needs to get past codependency and maybe figure out some options to get herself out of that mess. Sociopaths are notoriously difficult to treat. Trying to get him into treatment is the equivalent of beating a dead horse.

You are a kind friend to want to help her.

[healingme4me]

It sounds counterintuitive to be the one to go to counseling while being the one that's being abused, but it helps.

[lmt83]

She went to counseling, it’s funny though. She always ends up seeming like the crazy one because of what she describes to the doc. I’m at a point where I really don’t know what to tell her.

[crushed_soul]

Originally Posted by lmt83

I have a friend who I’m pretty sure is married to this personality type. She in a situation where leaving is not possible due to several situations. Mainly kids and damage that has been to her credibility due to him. I told her to get him to a doctor. To get diagnosed. She tried but that back fired and they ended up thinking she was the crazy one due to the unbelievable stress this nut is causing her. She can’t leave her 2 kids with him obviously but has no support system do to her own co dependency over the years as a result of this relationship and she has a very dysfunctional unsupportive family. Please be very detailed and long. Any advice or with this or could he have something else?

I empathize with her, her kids and you greatly, lmt83. I wish for her and her kids to be well. Additionally, it is most kind, courageous, empathetic and friendly of you to (try to) help her. I am no source of authority on any of the issues of which we are speaking. Moreover, I have only done how ever much research on such issues and topics. I could provide some links to web articles, blogs and so forth in attempt to help you to any degree, including brainstorming. As another member noted, therapy for her can be helpful, but it is a question of finding both a professional and approach that will indeed help her. There might be support groups to join as well. Even the abuse hotline is another option, are you aware of if she talked to any advocate? Other than that, if you are willing to receive more suggestions, I will attempt to tell you some.

Originally Posted by lmt83

She went to counseling, it’s funny though. She always ends up seeming like the crazy one because of what she describes to the doc. I’m at a point where I really don’t know what to tell her.

According to professionals of different occupations (counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist and so on) on blogs and articles, the attempt to find a professional, who is well trained in, knowledgeable of and and conscious of such interconnected topics of sociopathy/psychopathy, personality disorders, relationships with someone of a personality disorder and more, is most difficult.

Consequently, for your friend, people (e.g. you, she) might ought to research people, who work as professionals and are well equipped and oriented to help her. (I am not saying that research is already not being done. I am just emphasizing the challenge in finding someone, who will indeed probably help her.)

An important side note is that there are people, who are so manipulative, that they will deceive and even convince the professional that they are not a responsible actor in a relationship with what ever circumstances and fabricate the appearance of responsibility on the other person in the relationship.

[lmt83]

Originally Posted by crushed_soul

I empathize with her, her kids and you greatly, lmt83. I wish for her and her kids to be well. Additionally, it is most kind, courageous, empathetic and friendly of you to (try to) help her. I am no source of authority on any of the issues of which we are speaking. Moreover, I have only done how ever much research on such issues and topics. I could provide some links to web articles, blogs and so forth in attempt to help you to any degree, including brainstorming. As another member noted, therapy for her can be helpful, but it is a question of finding both a professional and approach that will indeed help her. There might be support groups to join as well. Even the abuse hotline is another option, are you aware of if she talked to any advocate? Other than that, if you are willing to receive more suggestions, I will attempt to tell you some.



According to professionals of different occupations (counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist and so on) on blogs and articles, the attempt to find a professional, who is well trained in, knowledgeable of and and conscious of such interconnected topics of sociopathy/psychopathy, personality disorders, relationships with someone of a personality disorder and more, is most difficult.

Consequently, for your friend, people (e.g. you, she) might ought to research people, who work as professionals and are well equipped and oriented to help her. (I am not saying that research is already not being done. I am just emphasizing the challenge in finding someone, who will indeed probably help her.)

An important side note is that there are people, who are so manipulative, that they will deceive and even convince the professional that they are not a responsible actor in a relationship with what ever circumstances and fabricate the appearance of responsibility on the other person in the relationship.

Yes! That’s what he is doing to her!!!! He literally convinced every therapist it was her fault! Holy hell. Thank you. It’s was just nice to hear that someone else has seen this as well.

[healingme4me]

She's not doing individual therapy?? That's a must when dealing with a possible, undiagnosed personality disordered partner.

Does she participate in any support groups?

[TishaBuv]

Gaslighting is at so many levels and very hard to cope with when it is being done to you. We can also talk it into ourselves that it is us who is the one doing the gaslighting, when it is really the partner doing it to us. Who knows what’s really going on and who’s doing what? Relationships are deeply symbiotic.

[Shazerac]

I also think she needs to get individual therapy. It’s all to common for couples to get sucked into the trap of identifying one as the “problem.” Especially with manipulative spouses. He’s just getting more validation that he’s not the one who is the problem.

[crushed_soul]

Originally Posted by lmt83

Yes! That’s what he is doing to her!!!! He literally convinced every therapist it was her fault! Holy hell. Thank you. It’s was just nice to hear that someone else has seen this as well.

Please, do not mention it. There is no need to thank me. If anything, it is amazing that such information is accessible and so readily accessible to find.

If it is the case as you say it is, lmt83, there are at least several concerns. Some of which are of the following:

Consciousness: He might be someone, who is conscious of his (conscious, learned) behavior and manipulation. Even if he is only conscious of some of his behavior, his "self-awareness" enables him to choose when, if and how he is manipulative, to hide his manipulative behavior, abusive behavior and so on. With that said, even for people, who are not conscious of their (conscious, learned) behavior as in abusive behavior and so forth, they might still be understand when to be abusive, hide it and so on through conditioning, socialization and so forth.

The Brain: For some people, who are of such severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Sociopathy/Psychopathy, their areas of the of the brain that host empathy (emotional empathy) are literally lacking. Meaning, they do not even possess the capacity for empathy. With that said, it is still possible for a person to understand, learn and change his/her behavior, but it is even more incredibly difficult when it is already incredibly difficult for people of extreme NDP and sociopathy/psychopathy to change their behavior. Moreover, in this case, it would not be only changing behavior, but understanding that their brains are literally limited and lacking in vital areas and aspects.

Change: He is the actor, who chooses if he will change (if he is indeed capable of change.) Thus, he would need to bring himself to change and try to do so; however, one of the main issues with people of NDP, Sociopathy/Psychopathy is that they are of the perspective that there is no reason, justification and so on for them to change their behavior. Moreover, the thought might not even "cross their minds." The more severe the disorder, there is a correlation and, maybe, more that the person is highly unlikely to acknowledge his/her behavior, take responsibility, "seek help," change, and so on.