[MomMommyMama]

I'm new here. Been married 10 years, we currently have only our 9 yr old daughter living with us full time. Here's the problem : I'm a mess! He made some mistakes and went to prison for a year. He came home March 5th this yr. Saying it was hard while he was away is a huge understatement! I couldn't maintain the lifestyle we had and support him in jail (money on books, phone, visits, etc) so I lost our home. My daughter & I moved in with my brother. I did my best to keep my daughter busy to keep her mind occupied. I HAD to be sure she was ok! She is still in therapy. I guess I put myself on the back burner. But now he is home and the only place we have to stay together is with his sister who isn't the best human in the world! She likes the men a bit much (I hate all the different men in & out with my girl here!), I know she's on drugs I just can't prove it. She has a very colorful past, in & out of jail her entire adult life. Basically, not someone I want around my child. But we can't find a place to rent. Anyway, I'm either mad or sad or something is ALWAYS bothering me! I look in the mirror and don't know the person looking back at me. Maybe I have resentment cause he left us and I had to hold everything together. We had 50/50 joint custody of his two teen boys before he left, now we are lucky to see them every other weekend. I have become a bitter person and we fight daily!!! Also not something I want our daughter seeing! I'm going to schedule myself an appointment tomorrow when I take my girl to therapy but in the meantime my husband and I are quickly becoming strangers. I don't know what to do. He really is a good man, he deserves to be happy! I have told him to go be happy with someone else because I can't make myself or anyone else happy lately. He told me tonight he misses me..... The woman he married! Well, so do I! I don't know what happen or how to fix it but I am so sick of all the negativity in myself & that I bring everyone around me. I'm here just searching for people in similar situations, looking for guidance, support, and help! Thanks for having me and allowing me to vent. There is so much more but this is basically it.... I'm miserable in my own skin and I'm making my husband (& daughter) miserable as well!!!

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you. It's good you'll be seeing a therapist yourself. From my perspective, I think therapy is probably the place to work through all of this & figure out where to go from here. My best wishes to you & your family.

[healingme4me]

I don't have much advice. It's of no wonder that you are angry and resentful. His mistakes and choices to make these mistakes have led you to great discomfort and struggles. Such as your housing crisis. And having to raise your daughter in an unenviable scenario.

As much as forgiving people want to fogive and I'm not immune to doing that myself, it's important to not forget that other people's choices and actions affect current situations.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by MomMommyMama

I'm new here. Been married 10 years, we currently have only our 9 yr old daughter living with us full time. Here's the problem : I'm a mess! He made some mistakes and went to prison for a year. He came home March 5th this yr. Saying it was hard while he was away is a huge understatement! I couldn't maintain the lifestyle we had and support him in jail (money on books, phone, visits, etc) so I lost our home. My daughter & I moved in with my brother. I did my best to keep my daughter busy to keep her mind occupied. I HAD to be sure she was ok! She is still in therapy. I guess I put myself on the back burner. But now he is home and the only place we have to stay together is with his sister who isn't the best human in the world! She likes the men a bit much (I hate all the different men in & out with my girl here!), I know she's on drugs I just can't prove it. She has a very colorful past, in & out of jail her entire adult life. Basically, not someone I want around my child. But we can't find a place to rent. Anyway, I'm either mad or sad or something is ALWAYS bothering me! I look in the mirror and don't know the person looking back at me. Maybe I have resentment cause he left us and I had to hold everything together. We had 50/50 joint custody of his two teen boys before he left, now we are lucky to see them every other weekend. I have become a bitter person and we fight daily!!! Also not something I want our daughter seeing! I'm going to schedule myself an appointment tomorrow when I take my girl to therapy but in the meantime my husband and I are quickly becoming strangers. I don't know what to do. He really is a good man, he deserves to be happy! I have told him to go be happy with someone else because I can't make myself or anyone else happy lately. He told me tonight he misses me..... The woman he married! Well, so do I! I don't know what happen or how to fix it but I am so sick of all the negativity in myself & that I bring everyone around me. I'm here just searching for people in similar situations, looking for guidance, support, and help! Thanks for having me and allowing me to vent. There is so much more but this is basically it.... I'm miserable in my own skin and I'm making my husband (& daughter) miserable as well!!!

first of all I want to address what this post progressed to. I don't like seeing someone that has been the responsible one blaming themselves for the bad thigns going on. You're resentful? well yeah, and you know what? you should be.

I am sure you love the guy but he f*cked up. the situation you are in is ENTIRELY on his doing something to put him in jail for a year. That wasn't your doing. You did not make the situation where you had to care for everyone, and bear the burden of financially supporting the whole family which brought you to where you are. stop thinking any of wht you are feeling (the resentment and anger) is unreasonable.

He misses you? He needs to be doing everything he can to fix things himself. not because he's the man, not because of old fashioned thinking but because he created this mess. I wonder what he did to wind up in jail. I'm curious, although it's up to you to share, I think it might shed some light on the situation too.

because of his bad mistake (since 1 yr in jail is never a minor crime) he left you and your child alone to fend for yourself.

If he truly cares for you he should be going to therapy too. the traumatizing situation of being abandoned for that long is not something that will fix itself and I think both of you will have issues related to that, let alone the issues related to the burdens you now have financially because of the previous situation!

Go easy on yourself. the pain and frustration you are facing is natural and it's not because you're unreasonable, or anything bad, it's because you're human and have been screwed in a way by the situation.