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#1
May 18, 2018, 04:39 PM
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Hey everyone,
I was really looking for an answer on google, but I haven’t found any topic like this, so I decided to ask by my own, and what I should do. I am in a relationship, which is very good, healthy and amazing for a pretty long time now. My boyfriend he is very kind, always helping and the one that has a lot of friends. I am not a very jealous person, but some things happen. He started communicating with this girl, that got literally OBSESSED with him. My boyfriend, as I said is very kind and he just talks to everybody, so he can’t really say anything. But the thing is, that this girl is soo clingy, tries to go everywhere with him, when posting even stories on Instagram she always films him, upload photos also with him and if not, the photo somehow needs to be related to him. And it drives me nuts!!! I told him that she really likes him and that she is just not okay. But he thinks that she is just being friendly, which actually she is, but not only me, even other friends of our circle clearly doesn’t like her for her clinginess (idk how to write that  ) and sees that she is getting obsessed with him. Not only me, but my boyfriend’s best friend is annoyed by her, because we all feel like she wants him and wants to take everyone’s best place. I mean all of this might sound pretty silly for someone, I am and adult and not a 12 year old, but I don’t like it and have no idea what to do. Have you people had any similar situations and what advices could you give me? I can’t even go to the internet normally because I might see her uploading something with him again…. And also, I have met her already, but when she sees me she literally ignores me and doesn’t even say hello. Like jeeez, it is crazy! Anyway, please tell me how to slowly remove her from my bf’s life and I mean not like texting her and telling that she is crazy and that she should back off I really want her gone out of his life and me and my friend have no clue where to start, to make my bf see that she is clearly not okay and being too clingy and crazy.
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#2
May 18, 2018, 04:51 PM
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she is vying for his attention if she's clinging tht much and he really should take heed to what everyone is saying. I imagine he's not stupid and knows exactly what's going on, and may even unfortunately be enjoying the attention.
Don't think you're being petty or acting like a 12 yr old some women purposely go after men they like that they know are already attached, it's a game to them. If he doesn't shun or pur her in her place I'd begin questioning his motives too as it would imply he's enjoying it and maybe even enjoying the jealousy. I'm not jumping to conclusions here I don't know the whole situation but if that's the case... time to find a more loyal and understanding boyfriend. |
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#3
May 18, 2018, 04:58 PM
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Yeah, I think it's really in your boyfriend's court to address directly with her. Can you talk to him and make it clear to him that you and everyone see it very differently than he does, explain your feelings to him and request that he put a stop to all of it? If he cares enough, he will, and I suspect that he does care enough, given your description of him. I've asked boyfriends to do that before, and they have done so out of courtesy and respect for me.
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#4
May 18, 2018, 05:34 PM
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Um, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're feeling. This woman is being rude to you and his friends. She is clearly being clingy and needy, if not sort of stalkerish, by invading his space and trying to isolate him from his current circle (which is what I gather from your post). He needs to address this with her. Either directly or he needs to stop encouraging her or addressing her. He could try to just distance himself, not respond to her, not acknowledge her, which would be the first step I would take. And if she doesn't get the hint, address her directly and tell her that she needs to back off. That he has a gf, and she needs to respect you.
Seesaw
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#5
May 19, 2018, 01:56 AM
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Thank you guys for your replies and understanding.
I am looking forward to actually talk to him more about it, explain everything, but I have a feeling that he won’t get it. He has a lot of friends and he can’t just wipe a person away, just of his kindness. He told me that he doesn’t care if she likes him, he says that he had this invisible wall ( haha ) that she is not going to pass. And I totally believe him, he wouldn’t do anything. But there’s a saying that a woman is not a wall. In this case - me. Women are soo twisted so that they can get anything, and I am scared for that.Also, me and my friend was thinking to tell him that if they go somewhere, they would invite us. But our intention is just to be there near her when he is, and show her who the bosses are 😁 do you think it would be a good idea? |
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#6
May 19, 2018, 07:26 AM
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Well I assume he is a grown man and it would look silly if you confront her asking to leave your boyfriend alone like you are his momma. High school girls do that. Go to other girls and tell them to back off their boyfriends.
Since he didn’t put stop to her interference, he doesn’t mind it. I’d question why he doesn’t mind it? I’d address it directly with my boyfriend and if he doesn’t stop this ridiculous behavior immediately and explains why he allows it, I’d look for a different boyfriend. The issue isn’t this girl. The issue is your boyfriend. |
 Bill3, Erebos, RainyDay107, s4ndm4n2006
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#7
May 19, 2018, 08:10 AM
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Two concerns,really. 1) That your bf doesn't see how absolutely bizarre her behaviour is.
2.) The fallout if he doesn't nip it in the bud soon and it's left to escalate. This girls behaviour isn't normal in adult circles, so I doubt her reaction to being rejected is going to be a simple "oh ok then." This needs,addressed sooner rather than later. And suitable boundaries put in place, Carefully but firmly...And your bf has to do it...she isn't going to listen to anyone else.
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I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
| RainyDay107
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#8
May 19, 2018, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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