[nikon]

Recently I've been watching someone's vlog, and seeing their relationship with their partner, for the first time I've thought "ok, so having a boyfriend/girlfriend is kind of like having a really best best friend?" Until now that has never occurred to me, and even now that was just a passing thought. I don't seem to have any lasting interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.

This doesn't bother me much, but I do have trouble connecting to people and do get very lonely a lot. I don't feel like people make fun of me for not being in a relationship - I'm 28 - but I also feel puzzled, like that part of human development just didn't happen to me. Like, I remember being 12 ish and the kids around me starting to get into dating and asking each other out, and I didn't understand it at all. I had no interest in asking anyone out or being asked out, and my thoughts about sex and kissing are still like that of the nine-year-old me - they're gross and scary.

That's not to say that I have no libido - it's just that there's no way I can imagine actually having that happen with another person. I know people can be asexual etc. does anyone relate? It just feels like my development when it comes to relationships stopped before puberty. I do have other issues with sex but I don't understand why.

I'm actually in a good state of mind and the moment and for the first time actually feel slightly able to talk about this stuff in therapy, but I also hate talking about anything related to sex.

[WasabiAlmonds]

If I had to guess, assuming you're physically healthy, I'd say your social anxiety is coming up with reasons not to get in a relationship.

It's "gross" and you "missed that development."

Most cases of asexuality (again, barring any hormone problem) are marked by intense fear of intimacy.

It may be helpful to talk with a therapist about what specific fears you have and where they may have come from.

Good luck. Deep relationships with others are the best parts of life and I hope you don't dismiss all that because you feel different right now.

[ShadowGX]

I definitely relate. When I was in my teens the topic of sex/dating terrified me and I acted out whenever it came up, whatever it took to get it to stop or get me removed from the situation. I distinctly remember two occasions where we were being taught about it, once was a 5th grade sex-ed class and another was in 6th grade science, and I absolutely could not handle it either time. I begged my parents not to let me go to sex-ed but they did anyways and I spent the entire time hiding under my shirt mumbling things and making everyone mad. the science class I just didn't stop talking about how gross it was and eventually got sent out of class for it.

Over time I naturally got over it and now I find I'm curious about it, but still not willing to let my hormones drive me into sleeping around because that seems disgusting to me still. I have considered that maybe I'm asexual too, but I can imagine doing it with someone I have great feelings for, just not some random guy, no matter how attractive he is to me.

Just because society says it's cool to sleep around doesn't mean we have to. I know it's hard sometimes, but we can't let what they expect make us feel badly about what makes us comfortable. If you are not comfortable with sex, even thinking about doing it with someone you love, then it's just not for you and that's ok! There are asexuals out there looking for relationships, so it's not the end of the world for you if that's what you are.