[Peacelady4]

I have made pretty bad choices in relationships since teen years. However in my twenties i I thought I made a better choice in men. Only having him cheat and get another person pregnant right when I was due to give birth to our first daughter. Its been two years since all this happened and Ive still been involved with him. I don't know how to get control of the emotions surrounding him. I know he just plays games however I keep going back. Then I become the crazier texter when I'm not with him. Going down memory lane of all the bad crap he has done, especially when I don't hear from him.
I guess what I'm asking is how do I can I control these emotions and gain my self respect back? I have a daughter looking up to me and I don't want to ruin her!
Tired of being the doormat!

[Crazy Hitch]

He's a player and you deserve so much more.

You get respect back by moving forward. I'm unsure what sort of 'involvement' / 'communication' you two need to have regarding your daughter.

But I'd limit all contact / communication to being just about her and nothing else. You won't ruin your daughter by teaching her resilience and standing up for yourself.

[DoroMona]

Yours is a situation that's hard for me to relate to because in general I've never really bonded with a romantic partner, so I was always able to leave them very easily and never really thought about them again. However, although it's not identical, I work in a very very toxic office where there are some really painful issues between me and my boss and some coworkers. It's been devastating and bad for my health and a friend said the other day that I've cried more because of these coworkers than she cried over her ex-boyfriend.

Can you figure out why you really can't leave him? I have really tangible reasons, some logical and some irrational/emotional, why I can't go get a new job right now. So I feel very trapped, but regarding my career, I simply cannot leave this group right now. Despite everything, my boss really supports me and wants me to do well in my career and I want to wrap up some important projects and establish myself in the field. Leaving now would be a huge sacrifice, even though I hate working there. What does this guy of yours provide you that's so precious and irreplaceable? Maybe you have some fear that stops you from ending it, or you feel dependent on him in some profound way?

It may also be easier leaving him when you feel more secure, for instance have an exit strategy you're comfortable with. But I'm just speculating.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Peacelady: I believe this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-de...-relationship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...at-you-can-do/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...-toxic-people/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...-toxic-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/in-an-...steps-to-take/

I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Peacelady4

Going down memory lane of all the bad crap he has done, especially when I don't hear from him.

Tired of being the doormat!

The thread title is, Is this my Life?

I think it's easy enough to ruminate on the built up resentment. Of course as you have time to dwell the anger towards him seaps out. Gosh, I still have days, 8 years post divorce where I find myself angry with my ex and the lot in life that I've been dealt. It's ok to embrace those moments.

Certainly at the age of 2, it's improbable that your daughter is going to be ruined as you try to navigate through your pain and emotions surrounding her father. I'd imagine that as the years go on and you get to where you want to be, there will be a wealth of wisdom to pass on to her. You're human.

Originally Posted by Peacelady4

I have made pretty bad choices in relationships since teen years. However in my twenties i I thought I made a better choice in men. Only having him cheat and get another person pregnant right when I was due to give birth to our first daughter. Its been two years since all this happened and Ive still been involved with him. I don't know how to get control of the emotions surrounding him. I know he just plays games however I keep going back. Then I become the crazier texter when I'm not with him. Going down memory lane of all the bad crap he has done, especially when I don't hear from him.
I guess what I'm asking is how do I can I control these emotions and gain my self respect back? I have a daughter looking up to me and I don't want to ruin her!
Tired of being the doormat!

Did you have a child unmarried?
Well, not a really fond idea in my opinion. You may want to consider how to find the right partner for you. Perhaps someone who will be willing to take care of a child who is not theirs and share a life with you
It's for you and your child this time. That's all I have to say

[divine1966]

I’d file for child support and custody agreement. He won’t be able to just come and go. He can pick up a child on his visitation days if judge thinks it’s ok. You can limit communication to emails or through the app like my “family wizard”. No need to be doing push and pull.

Hmmm... if I read correctly, your post says you are still involved with him and you keep going back, even though he has cheated and treated you poorly. You ask how you stop being a doormat? You just stop. You say to yourself, I will have more self-respect than that, and enough is enough. I am not going to continue doing this to myself -- I deserve far better. You have to gather all your strength to leave and then just do it -- for both you and your daughter's sake. (((Hugs)))