I can't explain it all now, but my intuition was right about this guy.


I also made a pros and cons list after my DBT group today.


We were going to meet tonight. I cancelled due to his odd behavior and things he says to me that hurt. (I just told him I didn't feel well though. I was concerned about anger). I'm glad he doesn't know my last name or where I live.


I am relieved and glad. There is nothing wrong with me.

[seesaw]

Good for you. You are right, there is nothing wrong with you.

Just curious, what do you mean by things he said to hurt you? Did I miss that post?

Seesaw

[WasabiAlmonds]

I was talking with an older guy in my group about the most difficult yet most beneficial lessons he's learned. He said it was being able to trust his intuition.

Even when his intuition is wrong, he can only learn by being wrong with it, which makes him much less likely to be wrong in the future.

It's tough, though.

I just talked to my worker (she came over for routine residential meeting). She couldn't relate to what I was saying and I felt invalidated. She doesn't typically validate me though. And I've felt mildly frustrated by this before (she's a good person though and I don't take it to heart anymore, it's probably best to just not tell her stuff though like that). She said I was reading into it.

So why I broke the date. I think it just doesn't feel right to me. But I asked him how his memorial day party went yesterday, and he said "not as adventurous as your day, kidding! we had a lot of fun." I guess I just didn't think it was funny. I felt he was poking at me or being hurtful or something. I'd stayed home that day and hung out with my parents. So I said "I don't see how this is funny." and he said "it's not!" and I said "what do you mean" and he said that the party wasn't that fun, and he was poking fun at himself. and I said "but you said the party was fun." I just thought the whole thing was really weird and felt shady. Like it didn't make sense. It seemed like he was lying and backpedaling. Idk.

I think it just didn't feel like the right fit, is what it comes down to. And I need to be comfortable. In terms of my worker being invalidating, well, I wouldn't date her either if she were a guy, lol. Aka, she's not the best fitting worker I've ever had. I've had better. But I've also grown to accept her and my situation with my workers. I think everyone has their own process when choosing a mate. I do too, I guess. I should respect that.

@Seesaw: Maybe. I think you missed post #19 in my other thread, and some other stuff. I said that there, too, when you asked what was wrong. Thank you for saying there's nothing wrong with me! I think I'll have a good idea of if someone's a good fit for me. I've been experimenting mucho lately, when it comes to...choosing someone, and I'm examining my thoughts, beliefs, etc. I'm reflecting. So I think it makes sense I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Try it out.

I think from now on though, I'm going to meet people IRL. Not online.

@WasabiAlmonds: thanks for saying this. I agree. Trusting my own intuition is hard. I don't know why. I have a very good intuition many people tell me. I'm right a lot. And that makes sense...about being wrong about it, you learn from that too.

I am a bit annoyed now, that my worker didn't see my situation the way I did, and interpreted it differently. Thats a little bit of a trigger for me. But I at least know now to be careful with the information I present to her. Because there's a good chance she'll have a different opinion I won't want to hear or agree with, and I'll feel badly.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by starrysky

So why I broke the date. I think it just doesn't feel right to me. But I asked him how his memorial day party went yesterday, and he said "not as adventurous as your day, kidding! we had a lot of fun." I guess I just didn't think it was funny. I felt he was poking at me or being hurtful or something. I'd stayed home that day and hung out with my parents. So I said "I don't see how this is funny." and he said "it's not!" and I said "what do you mean" and he said that the party wasn't that fun, and he was poking fun at himself. and I said "but you said the party was fun." I just thought the whole thing was really weird and felt shady. Like it didn't make sense. It seemed like he was lying and backpedaling. Idk.
.

I was reading something in my inbox today or yesterday that broached upon attraction killers. Excessive sarcasm just happened to be item number 2.

It's ok that you cannot put to words to explain it on the spot to those not understanding why you'd bow out of the date.

Deep down you know what's going to rub you the wrong way and what you don't want. It makes sense that you immediately crossed him off your list of potentials.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I was reading something in my inbox today or yesterday that broached upon attraction killers. Excessive sarcasm just happened to be item number 2.

It's ok that you cannot put to words to explain it on the spot to those not understanding why you'd bow out of the date.

Deep down you know what's going to rub you the wrong way and what you don't want. It makes sense that you immediately crossed him off your list of potentials.

I'd be interested in seeing that article. ( If you're able to show it or pm it ).

And thanks.

[divine1966]

You trusted your guts. I believe your guts were telling you the truth.

Excessive sarcasm especially with total stranger is attraction killer. I have a coworker who complains that she has zero friends (at work and outside of work). She is constantly excessively sarcastic and makes comments that her dry sense of humor is just so great. I keep it to myself but perhaps if she toned down her “great” sense of humor, she’d be more likable.

Sorry, this guy thinks he is funny but he just comes across silly and immature. He might not be a bad guy but something is just off.

Good for you not telling him where you live etc No need to share too much with strangers.

Yeah, he even said he was being sarcastic when I asked him about it, too. But I felt hurt, and didn't get it. I think I dislike sarcasm. Especially when directed at me...I think I was just confused n didn't get it. Anyway, he's not the right match for me and I feel good about this decision when weighing the other things I like VS dislike about him.

Edit: perhaps I do have trust issues or like, gut issues when it comes to some people. I have been hurt a lot before, by men who I have dated. I don't want that anymore. I've been lied to, pressured into sex, hounded, verbally attacked. So, I guess my guard is up somewhat. I say this because with this guy, I kept thinking of one of the worst guys I've been with in the past. But at the same time, I think it just wasn't a good match.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by starrysky

Yeah, he even said he was being sarcastic when I asked him about it, too. But I felt hurt, and didn't get it. I think I dislike sarcasm. Especially when directed at me...I think I was just confused n didn't get it. Anyway, he's not the right match for me and I feel good about this decision when weighing the other things I like VS dislike about him.

He doesn’t even know you. So far he was calling you pet names and then was sarcastic about nothing. Doesn’t sound too insightful or deep thinking man to me. Not a good match

[healingme4me]

It's not a good place to start a relationship with a sarcastic quality that gets you questioning is it supposed to be funny or is that bitterness under the surface.

It's really too bad that those around you didn't try to understand to support your choice to not go on this date.

Intuition is usually right. Good to listen to it. Sooner than later. 🤗

[Fuzzybear]

Intuition is usually wise

Not insightful, not a deep thinker, sarcastic for no “good” reason.... not a good match. I’m glad you crossed him off.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It's not a good place to start a relationship with a sarcastic quality that gets you questioning is it supposed to be funny or is that bitterness under the surface.

It's really too bad that those around you didn't try to understand to support your choice to not go on this date.

Thank you. I really appreciate this. It pisses me off about my worker but I cannot change her. My mother said I made the right decision. That meant a lot to me.

Thank you Sisabel and Fuzzybear. I appreciate your support.

There were a bunch of things on my cons list. But the main one I think of is his immature worldview he expressed to me. I had such a hard time w/ that. (conflicted w/ my values)

[skatkats]

After my last recent experience and inventory of my past relationships, looking at patterns and what not. I am now a convinced firm believer in intuition. This last relationship I was in, by the way the person though a brick or had someone to throw a brick through the neighbors front door.

I remember so many times in the beginning and during the relationship I would get the intuition I needed to get out and everytime I would I would get guilt tripped into staying. The woman had a 2 year old without a father present and would use her to make the guilt trips even worse. All the while my intuition was telling me to get out while I could, I ignored it over her guilt trips.

It was one of those relationships that when it was good it was fantastic but when it was not good it was awful. Needles to say I never listened to ny intuition and it ended in the most bitter and resentmentful way a relationship could end. I am waiting on a appointment with a magistrate to have her arrested. I have to wait freaking 5 weeks to sign a warrant.

I will never...... at least I pray i don’t disregard my intuition in the future because my pattern is to ignore the intuition for whatever reason is there and stay in the relationship way too long and it ends in hate and bitterness. I pray to God I listen next time he is telling me to go, get away, this isn’t right.

I believe intuition comes from a higher self, in my case God. Letting us know we are making a mistake and to go the other way. Sort of like the old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the angel would be on one shoulder of Toms and the devil on the other, each trying to convince him to do something or not.

Originally Posted by skatkats

After my last recent experience and inventory of my past relationships, looking at patterns and what not. I am now a convinced firm believer in intuition. This last relationship I was in, by the way the person though a brick or had someone to throw a brick through the neighbors front door.

I remember so many times in the beginning and during the relationship I would get the intuition I needed to get out and everytime I would I would get guilt tripped into staying. The woman had a 2 year old without a father present and would use her to make the guilt trips even worse. All the while my intuition was telling me to get out while I could, I ignored it over her guilt trips.

It was one of those relationships that when it was good it was fantastic but when it was not good it was awful. Needles to say I never listened to ny intuition and it ended in the most bitter and resentmentful way a relationship could end. I am waiting on a appointment with a magistrate to have her arrested. I have to wait freaking 5 weeks to sign a warrant.

I will never...... at least I pray i don’t disregard my intuition in the future because my pattern is to ignore the intuition for whatever reason is there and stay in the relationship way too long and it ends in hate and bitterness. I pray to God I listen next time he is telling me to go, get away, this isn’t right.

I believe intuition comes from a higher self, in my case God. Letting us know we are making a mistake and to go the other way. Sort of like the old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the angel would be on one shoulder of Toms and the devil on the other, each trying to convince him to do something or not.

Thank you for sharing your story with me Skatkats. I'm sorry for the situation you're in and also glad you're out of it. I appreciate your advice as well.

He messaged me this morning "I hope you're feeling better." I didn't want to be direct and say goodbye, but I did. From conversations with him, it seemed like thats what he prefers.