[Betrayed92]

I feel like should hate my ex husband's lover for ruining my marriage but I don't and I don't even really have negative feelings toward her. All my negative feels are toward my ex husband and I'm wondering if it's weird that feel like this or if this something that is common . I just thought I would get some opinions on this.

[healingme4me]

Sounds appropriate to place the responsibility for the betrayal and breaking the bonds of marriage on him as it was his choice to do so.
Sorry to read that you had to go through that.

[divine1966]

He is the one who cheated. Who really knows what he told her. Sorry for your pain

[continuosly blue]

I remember when my wife had an affair I was very angry at who she cheated with. That anger could have ruined my whole life , and over what ? I really can’t blame the guy for taking advantage of her failing marriage.
Then I thought, why should I be mad at him when it was her who allowed it ?
I agree with you. It wasn’t her who ruined your marriage, it was HIM.
I’m at the point now where I just would like to move on with my life. I don’t care about him, her , or the past anymore. I’m so tired of being made the fool.
I just want to live out the rest of my days in some kind of peace.

[Fuzzybear]

He’s cheated.. I’m personally not particularly comfortable with the word “should” when it’s about our feelings. Feelings just “are”..

[AspiringAuthor]

I agree that feelings just are. I think you can turn it around by feeling grateful for not hating her - you do not need to process hard feelings of hate, so you are in luck. Also, she did not have any obligations towards you, while the then H made promises to you that he chose to break.

[Erebos]

Sounds like your feelings are appropriately directed towards the person responsible for your hurt. Sounds pretty healthy and balanced to me.

[MickeyCheeky]

It's not weird at all.

[wubbalubbadubdub]

Not weird at all! In fact, I'm pretty sure that's how a mature, healthy person is going to feel. Honestly I wish I could keep that feeling to mine as well but I have so much resentment for the woman he cheated on me with. Don't feel weird, he failed you. She did not break your trust or ruin promises, he did. Therefore it makes perfect sense you would be angry with him instead.

[hprodf]

Sorry to hear about your marriage, but I think it's actually healthy you don't hate her (assuming she didn't go in with the sole intention of ruining the marriage). Usually cheating occurs due to issues with the couple, so whether you consciously accept that or not, it seems your emotions towards her means you've come to terms with that.

[Betrayed92]

I want to thank everyone who replied to my op. I'm glad my feelings are considered normal and that it isn't weird to feel the way I feel.

[~Christina]

I wasn’t happy even seeing Her face ... but MY Husband was married so I directed my literal hate towards him.

Now enough years have passed I have no real feelings about him at all.

According to my grown daughter all they do is fight so I got a chuckle out of that.