I have a tendency to blame myself for everything that goes wrong... Now that I'm working through a breakup, I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not taking the flak for my ex coming back again and again to someone who was unavailable. That's on him. I didn't force him into anything. I have to believe he stayed for as long as he could bear it, till he reached his personal tolerance threshold, and it's up to him to figure out why he did that if he needs to. It's none of my business.

It's also none of my business how long it's taken for him to let go. I couldn't have helped him with that at all. I think I would have just been in the way, to be honest. And I had my own traumas and troubles to deal with. They are my responsibility. He's not.

[MickeyCheeky]

Good job!

Originally Posted by letlovego

I have a tendency to blame myself for everything that goes wrong... Now that I'm working through a breakup, I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not taking the flak for my ex coming back again and again to someone who was unavailable. That's on him. I didn't force him into anything. I have to believe he stayed for as long as he could bear it, till he reached his personal tolerance threshold, and it's up to him to figure out why he did that if he needs to. It's none of my business.

It's also none of my business how long it's taken for him to let go. I couldn't have helped him with that at all. I think I would have just been in the way, to be honest. And I had my own traumas and troubles to deal with. They are my responsibility. He's not.

If I got you right, and of course correct me if I'm wrong, he took no responsibilities and showed no understanding for so, regarding issues in the relationship. In which case I think you're doing the right thing by letting that person figure it out rather than only one person constantly working on the relationship

[Taylor27]

Good job don't take any responsibility for what he does.

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

If I got you right, and of course correct me if I'm wrong, he took no responsibilities and showed no understanding for so, regarding issues in the relationship. In which case I think you're doing the right thing by letting that person figure it out rather than only one person constantly working on the relationship

He was actually the one doing most of the work. I was simply too messed up to be in a relationship, never should have let it get as far as it did. He didn't blame me for anything, but I have. For the things I did or didn't do but also for hurting him too badly. But that's not all on me. He made his choices and could have left sooner. I don't think he gives me a second thought these days and I, too, have to stop blaming myself for things that weren't my responsibility.

[Bill3]

Nice work!

[divine1966]

Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe I read it wrong but i
Thought you said this break was 10 years ago? I don’t think we should forget our past relationships but generally 10 years is a long time to not be over him. Have you tried to date others? Move on? Talk
to a professional?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe I read it wrong but i
Thought you said this break was 10 years ago? I don’t think we should forget our past relationships but generally 10 years is a long time to not be over him. Have you tried to date others? Move on? Talk
to a professional?

This relationship triggered repetitive traumas I'd suffered from when I was a baby till adulthood. I've dealt with those in therapy since. Didn't have any space for dealing with this relationship or the breakup, I just buried it. Now that something brought these feelings and thoughts up, I decided it was time to get them out and let go so there'll be room for a new relationship if it should happen.