[piggysmile]

This morning my mom told me about what she and our neighbor, who has this son working abroad, talked about. The son recently visited his parents here and brought them to a trip around the country. My mom also bragged about our neighbor's son buying a house in the place where he's working. I felt that my mom was really envious and somehow wanted me to be able to do something similar someday by bragging to me the achievements of our neighbor's son. I couldn't say anthing except "Ah, ok."

I understand her for maybe I'd also feel that way if I were in her place. I know that parents have an expectation that their children will remember them and repay them someday.

What my mom told me was just very very intimidating as our neighbor's son is already in his late 20's and I'm just 18. Maybe I'm overreacting but it's still intimidating.

[Cyran0]

It's hard to feel we might not be living up to our parent's expectations or hopes. But it's important to remember that in most cases they're just worried about us. They want us to have the best and without meaning to, they can put a lot of pressure on us.

There's not much to do about this save to tell her that you feel this pressure or try to shrug it off. That or maybe try, "he sounds like a wonderful son, you must be so proud." My parents always took hints like that. Although, this last option isn't recommended if your parents are reactionary, harsh, lack a sense of humor, or just generally don't take insubordination well.

Cyran0

[Perna]

I was excited to hear about your neighbors' son's achievements and what he was doing for his parents, etc. and I don't even know him :-) I think a good story is a good story and your mother was thrilled to have one to tell?

Can you have a conversation with your mother and tell her how intimidated you felt and how you hope you might be that kind of son who could take his parents travelling, etc.? She might be startled that the story had that effect on you or she might otherwise reassure you that she loves "you" not what you can do for her.

I don't know if you are Philippino but I do know that Philippino families are usually very close and children are raised to be respectful and obedient to their parents and other elders. I can understand if you felt a bit worried that when you are older you may/may not be able to give your mother/parents material things like trips and visits such as the neighbor son has.

One thing that might have made me feel better when I was your age would have been to have more faith in myself and abilities. I have always been "smart" and had good sense, honest, creative, and I have a good sense of humor but I didn't stop to realize these attributes were mine and what that meant for my future. I would like to think if I had been in your situation and knew what I know now about myself that I could have laughed and teased my mother a little about wanting me to take her travelling when I was an older son :-) I would even ask her about herself and what she wanted when she was younger and where she would like to go on "our" trip in 10 years time :-) Feeling good about ourselves and abilities and sharing ourselves with others in that way can often help others see when they are thinking a "dangerous" way, when they are forgetting the person, and only thinking how that person can be helpful to themselves. Responding to them with warmth and humor can sometimes get them to see us as we are. Then, in 10 years, it would still be the reflection of a wonderful, loving relationship when you present your mother a travel book instead of the actual trip :-) She would know you "remember" and think of and love her and that really is all she wants? She wants to be special to you and to have you tell her so in some way.

[Doh2007]

Or how about..."Mom, when I get rich and famous, I'm going to buy you a pink Cadillac (or whatever)."

Of course, that can backfire if she holds you to it.