Fallen

How do I cope? How do I cope with the fact that I am a selfish person? Such a selfish person that I cannot give what needs to be given. I cannot give to my family what I need to give them. To my kids the support for everything they do or the love they deserve. To my wife the love that she needs to feel. To my family the knowledge that everything is ok. So how am I selfish? I have thought about this for a really long time and have come up with some ideas. Even though I helped around the house with my wife I guess I did it so she would say "Gosh you have really done a lot I really appreciate it." When I did not hear this I got upset (?). Or when she went out with her friends I expected to get something in return when she got home (?).
I really don't know anymore, I know I love my kids and they mean the world to me. I know that I love my family because without them I would not be here now (Three weeks ago thank you to everyone that supported me). I know that I love my wife, this I know to be very true, however I keep pushing the issue of us getting this worked out. The reason why? Because I know that she is doing everything by herself and it hurts me to know that I am not there to help. OMG there I go being selfish again. Man I really need to get that under control. The only thing that I can do is try and be there for her whenever she needs me and be there for my kids (which are the two best kids ever). Then and only then will I stop being selfish. I just don't know where I stand or on what type of ground it is.

So today starts a new day for this fallen Dragon. A day that is not about him or what he wants out of life. Today starts the day of the caring Dragon, one that is going to make things happen because he loves his family and everyone in it. This Dragon is tired of being in his cave all by himself and hoarding his treasure so no one else can see it. So today if you see this Dragon just remember that he is not the same (or trying not to be the same). These beasts take time to get over their old ways, but it is possible.

Anything is possible when you put your mind to it. Thank you all.

(((((((((((((((dragonphoto)))))))))))))))))
wish you luck in what you are trying to achieve, but from what i have read of your posts you dont sound selfish to me, has your wife told you she thinks your selfish, maybe getting your wife to explain to you what you need to work on
but dont forget its you she married, like you chose her
again good luck

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
dragonphoto said:
How do I cope? How do I cope with the fact that I am a selfish person? Such a selfish person that I cannot give what needs to be given. I cannot give to my family what I need to give them.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">dragonphoto, I remember reading your post yesterday in which you said you felt you had taken care of all your issues. I don't hear that in your words here at all. I think you have a lot more work to do to answer your very good questions above! I think your (individual) therapist can really help you on these issues. I hope you will keep going to therapy. This is what the therapists are there for.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I keep pushing the issue of us getting this worked out. The reason why? Because I know that she is doing everything by herself and it hurts me to know that I am not there to help. OMG there I go being selfish again.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't agree. I think you are confusing "selfish" with having needs of your own. In a partnership, each person has needs of their own. It is a disasterous relationship in which one person tries to completely subjugate their own needs and focus only on fulfilling the other person's needs. Believe me on this, I've been there! It is important to recognize your own needs and to share them with your spouse. Your marriage counselor can help you with communication and learning to share and respond to each other's needs.

Take care. Good luck.

It sounds like you're punishing yourself because your wife told you she was disappointed that you didn't mow the lawn, even tho she didn't tell you she expected that of you.

It doesn't do any good. It just wears you out. Maybe you can do something to get out of your head? How about a trip to the zoo?