Should I tell my husband?

I lost a coworker through domestic violence!

I completely understand how you feel because it cost money for a lawyer and to pay court just to hear a case.

Plus I'm sure knowing that it wouldn't be left at probation if ever to occur again has an affect. The No Abuse Clause remains a Permanent Fixture.

Edit to Add: the Restrainer order that lasted into its second year was necessary and helpful. It was only removed at the recommendation of the Family Probate Judge with directive that we are to co parent together, and communication and visitation through 3rd parties had become hopeless and it isn't up to the children to relay messages.

I can say, that there is a unified front concerning the three sons. Can function very maturely at various events such as 8th grade commencement ceremonies, graduation parties and the likes.

Hey guys.. Sorry I've been gone for a while... Things escalated again but it's over now, I guess..

I went back to my parent's house because I didn't want to keep having my boss pay for a hotel.. Not even two days being there, my husband showed up... Both my parents and my sisters were at work and my daughter was visiting his mom for the weekend...
When I saw him at the door I tried to shut it and lock it, but he pushed through... I tried to beg him to leave and he smacked me to the ground... He got on top of me and was hitting me... I was able to reach my sisters dog's ceramic dish and I hit him in the head..
I got free and I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.. I grabbed my phone on the way and I called the cops... I was able to tell them where I was and that he beat me.. While I was on the phone with them he broke through the door and drug me by my hair to the couch and starting tearing my clothes and he started raping me again...
A cop burst in and tackled him off of me... He just kept screaming at me, "you called the f*cking cops? what the ***** is wrong with you?"...

I've been locked in my room for a couple days... his mom has been holding on to my daughter so she didn't have to see me like this... I don't know how to feel anymore you guys... Everything is so wrong... and all I did was make it worse..
He's in jail now... and my lawyer is insisting we push for no probation.... I told him I don't care anymore... I just don't want to be hit again...
I feel like I have no energy... I can barely move without being in pain...

I'm sorry I didn't listen... You guys were right... and I just kept trusting him to get better.... I'm sorry... This ***** is all my fault...

I'm so sorry, Tyffani... your last post made me cry. You tried to block him from coming in. He forced his way in. Good for you for calling the police. Yes, I would push for no probation, absolutely. Do not let this man run free, with the ability to come after you again.

((((((((Tyffani)))))))))

It's not your fault. It's his. I empathize with you tremendously and apologize that I am only writing text on an internet forum anonymously. You are loved.

Omg i am glad you are safe. While he is in jail file for divorce and never be around him again. Push for jail sentence, no probation

((((Tyffani)))) glad you are safe now. That sounds horrific.

You should visit a psychiatrist, just to make sure your psyche is fine. A traumatic event can cause dissociation... just discovered I have a form of amnesia. That's the reason I don't get good grades anymore. Will try to pursue my dreams anyway.

Thank you guys.. The whole thing is still so unreal to me.. It's so strange how everything just flipped upside down in such a short amount of time.. but now everything is just moving on. I don't really know what I'm going to do now..

I filed for divorce and am still going to my therapy sessions. I don't really know if I'm a fan of it though.. I don't like getting into details about certain things.. I don't really like remembering it... I know there were plenty of signs that our relationship was toxic..

I should have been done with him a long time ago.. but I was too stupid to see what every one else saw..

My daughter keeps asking where he is.. She got so upset and started crying for him... I felt like a monster... I tried to calm her down but she just wanted him.. I don't know what I can do...

His piece of ***** friend keeps trying to talk to me.. I ran into him a few days ago and he grabbed me and just held me and kept saying "I'm sorry" and swearing that he didn't think my husband would lose it like that... I don't know how I could possibly forgive him... this is his fault too... he could have just left me alone... his selfishness started all of this... I don't know how I could feel anything but hurt and hatred towards him...

I don't like talking about the things my psychiatrist asks me either, but it's necessary...

Tyffani, the next time his POS "friend" lays hands on you call the police and charge the arsehole with assault!

I'm sorry that this has happened to you! Have you reach out to a rape crisis? I hope that you went to the hospital and had a rape kit done as well as get the physical evidence of the physical abuae? Is there a shelter that you can go to?

This is not your fault! You did nothing wrong. It is your husband fault because he physically assault you and sexually assault you. You should push for the highest charges you can against your husband

I know this is probably furthest from your mind right now but, if he hit you in the face and head please get a brain scan if you can.

Brain damage can come on slowly an you won't even know it's effecting you, you will just not feel the way you did.

Stick with the therapy, don't allow it to be buried and fester.
Your daughter, you tell her daddy got sick, and it made him do bad things and now he has to try and get better..But that he isn't safe until he is better.

You don't need to say he is bad, you don't have to dis him in anywAy. But she needs to know there is a good reason your not together now.

Trust me I know I about screwing up your kids by pretending nothing has happened.

All the best. Take care.

I know...

Yeah.. I told him to stay away from me.. hopefully that's enough.. I really don't want to deal with him right now... or ever...

I haven't really reached out to anyone but my lawyer and church.. Yes they made me do a rape kit... it was awful.. all the strangers in the room just looking at me and touching me.. I couldn't stop crying the whole time..

I'm staying with my parents right now..

I don't think anything is that damaged.. but I will try to stay aware of that.. thank you..

And I will try to stay strong for my daughter.. She is only 2.. so I don't really think any explanation will get through to her right now... but thank you..

I hope you tell her pediatrician as well about what happened to you in the way you can, as much as possible, without being subjected to further stress. As her brain is developing rapidly, she needs evaluation.

I'll make sure to mention it, if I can.. Thank you.

The only advice I can add now is not to fall for any of his crap once he starts begging and pleading and promising to change. An abuser will say anything to win you back. They'll change into a perfect angel, as long as they're afraid of losing you. After they've got you back where they want you, then you're a punching bag again. And if you manage to resist the crying and begging and pleading, then next comes the guilt trips and threats and accusations.

A person doens't have to hit every day, every week, or every month, to be an abuser.

And I highly recommend mental health treatment. You'll need to be strong enough to resist the manipulation tactcs, and you'll need to know what the warning signs are, the next time you see them.

Arbie is spot on...an abuser doesn't have to raise a hand , if they have you living in fear, it's abuse.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Hopefully more charges will be filed against him.

I completely agree!

I agree! I had lost a coworker to domestic violence!

Thank you guys. I've been feeling a little better these past couple of days. My therapy has been going well, I suppose. There are still some things I can't bring myself to talk about.. but I'm pushing through.

Spent my day off caring for my little one because she got a fever, and I couldn't help but get lonely.. but I know that will probably happen A LOT.. Just gotta keep moving.