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  #1  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 01:55 PM
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Aviza Aviza is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
I don't know how to tell my family I decided to move out. They are really pressuring me to stay living with mom. But I know though it won't be easy, it's the best thing for me. An answer to my prayers, and everything. All I've wanted is to live as an adult. Now I'm be promised things and mom is asking me to stay living with her. Why is moving out so hard? I just want to be an adult who is treated like an adult.

My family will punish me if i move out. Disown me possibly even. I am really stressed and sometimes even waver on considering moving out. Because it's really that hard to go against my family on something that should be so natural.
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  #2  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 02:11 PM
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Deejay14 Deejay14 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: USA
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Tell them this is just part of "adulting", not in any way a reflection on your parents. It's just part of growing up. Invite them to help set up your apartment if they wish.

My parents didn't want me to get my license. Mom said Dad would be happy to drive me around. I still got my license despite them being nervous and having real reservations about it. Their concerns were very justified even to me. I got my license, bought my own car, etc. My parents saw I could handle it all safely and they were eventually okay.

Your parents may come around given time and them seeing you can handle it okay. You can do this, Aviza! Best of luck!
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True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson
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Aviza
  #3  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 04:25 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Location: New England
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My mom told me that if I did, I was never moving back. I was 22/23. The strain on the mother/daughter relationship was a temporary strain. Much was the financial strain of her marriage. I was an income stream. My grandmother supported my desire to live on my own and I would say mediated to a point.
  #4  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 06:27 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,238
Oh yeah old fashioned guilting. My parents guilted us over similar things in life.

My dad recently got mad that neither me nor my brother want to take over their house or ever live there. They refuse to downsize because they want us to live there when they pass. My parents don’t need us to live there now, just to make sure we live there later.

We have no desire to ever live there. We have our own families and we don’t like neither their house nor the area. It’s not family home or anything. They bought it when we were in our mid 30s having our own families so we have no connection to that house!

Both me and my brother would be more than willing to take our parents to live with either one of us when they become unable to take care of themselves. But that is not what my dad wants. He wants to die there and us to live there. We can’t stand that house!

You are a grown woman. As long as you don’t neglect your family, they have no rights to force you. But I totally understand guilting
  #5  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 09:25 PM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,094
Are you an only child? Many times parents of only children don't want to let go fearing once you are free you will never come back & then they have lost their baby.

It is good to be independent & grow up & be responsible for yourself whether parents want it ir not. Reassuring them that you will always be there fir them whether living in their house or not SOMETIMES helps but sometimes we just have to do what is best fir us & let the chips fall where they may.....after all growing up & leaving home is a NORMAL process of life even for wild animals
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Thanks for this!
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  #6  
Old Jun 13, 2018, 09:56 PM
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ShadowGX ShadowGX is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,114
I'm glad you decided to move out. I don't know how to advise you to approach this, though... Maybe talk with your brother first, see if you can get him to understand? Then he can help you talk to your mom about it. Otherwise you'd have to hope you can get her to understand that you need to go be an adult.

Frankly it's extremely selfish of them to put you in that position. If they love you they should want you to be happy. =/ I hope everything works out.
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  #7  
Old Jun 14, 2018, 10:31 AM
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Shazerac Shazerac is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
The fact that you have a teenage daughter means you are not child anymore. Why exactly does your family insist that you live with your mom? Is it because she needs live in care and they want a free live in nurse? Is it because in the past you have demonstrated a lack of ability to function as an independent adult? Or?........just curious.

What does it mean that your family will “disown” you? Does it mean they will attempt to punish you by shunning you? Do you mean disowned as in cut of an inheritance or something like that? They do sound a bit manipulative and controlling.

In the end it is your decision to move out and you have every right to do so.
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"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
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  #8  
Old Jun 15, 2018, 04:18 AM
newscribe newscribe is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Palmerston
Posts: 12
Simple. Act like an adult and do what is best for your personal life. Otherwise if you defer to parents, how old are you?
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