[Yack]

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married in a year. There's a deposit on the ring, he talks about having kids, etc.

He just asked me if I'm sure I want to go to his brother's wedding in 3 weeks.

He's in the bridal party, I'm not. I won't be able to sit with him, or drive there with him. He's worried I will be upset because he won't have time for me.

Should I be offended?

[(JD)]

Why?

Isn't part of marriage sharing in the other person's joys too? Isn't marriage really about being a complete person youself, comfortable with yourself, and adding a partner for the added experiences and joys they bring with them?

[Yack]

Do you mean why doesn't he want me there?

[(JD)]

No...why should you be offended?

[salukigirl]

i dont understand what you would be offended about? does he not want you to go?

personally im captain paranoia over here and would automatically think the worst because most guys i come into contact with are assholes.....but anyways lol

if you trust him though i dont see any reason why you would be offended? it probably just came out wrong and he probably honestly doesnt want you to feel bad. but hey, theyre gonna be your family too, right? so if you want to go you should go y'know.

[Perna]

Where do you see possible offense:

at his not having time for you?
at his brother not including you?
or at his asking you if you're sure you still want to go (even though he won't be able to be with you much)?

I would think about how often you've met that brother, how well you know one another and what you feel about him. If you haven't met his bride, then I don't see how he could include you very easily in the wedding since that's usually the woman's doings; if you were her friend, you'd be a bridesmaid and your boyfriend could easily be an usher but it doesn't really work the other way around?

I'm a little surprised that you weren't invited for the rehersal dinner and able to drive up with him, etc.? I wouldn't be offended at that but I could see being a little disappointed. Are you relatively newly engaged or haven't met/don't know the family very well yet? I wouldn't be offended if you're relatively "new" to their family.

It sounds sweet of him to check though, make sure you really want to go if there's not much chance of your being with him much and being around all those "strangers." You might want to take him up on that, do something yourself that day.

[EJ711]

Hi Yack,

I take his asking you about being sure whether you want to go as being sensitive to your feelings.

Hugs,

EJ

[AAAAA]

Yack - I would not be offended. My brother, and my cousin were in a third cousin's wedding party and my sister in law was very angry that through the dinner, pictures etc that he was unable to do more than ask "hi, how are you doing". I'm not saying this would be you, I just understand what he is asking.

Are you close to anyone in his family? My cousin's wife and I tried very hard to entertain my sister in law, but since we didn't know her that well, it fell flat.

I think he was just concerned about you and how much fun you'd have until his obligation is over.

[Yack]

His brother has asked me not to come to the wedding. My boyfriend is now distraught, apparently it was the brother's idea from the beginning. He may have been trying to cover for his brother. He told his brother and his brother said he didn't care.

While his brother is a jerk, he has been quite friendly the past few years, and he usually greets me by kissing me on the cheek. My boyfriend said he is very confused.

I have been dating my boyfriend since 1999. We broke up for two years in the middle.

I stayed with his family during the week last year while I was a student. I'm not close to his brother or the fiance, but I was invited and went to the shower.

His brother knows we are planning on getting married, although we haven't announced it yet.

[Doh2007]

Wow. That must really hurt. It doesn't sound like there's any easy solution. At least now you and your boyfriend can decide how to handle the situation. I suggest taking the high road.

[AAAAA]

Wow Yack your boyfriend is between a rock and a hard place. His brother must be a real jerk to put your boyfriend in this position. I am very curious to find out how this plays out.

I agree with Doh2007, take the high road. Show the family you're the better person...this time. It is his wedding and he is entitled to invite whomever he wants. He sounds very immature and self-centered to omit inviting his brother's significant other of 8 years and leaving his brother to do the diry work.

you should be invited.
your bf/fiance should make it clear as well.
too bad...i don't like the sound of this.....

[Yack]

Hello,
He did make it clear he wants me there! Still no change though...

[EJ711]

Yack,

Hang tough!

Hugs,

EJ