This is difficult to explain, but I'm working through a past relationship and something that bothered me throughout it was that I didn't know if I should have felt more for the guy... I could appreciate why many people thought he was very attractive, but he didn't really do anything for me. He felt more like a very good friend or even (ick...) like a brother to me. I guess I didn't know how I was supposed to feel because it was my first ever relationship, and my role models before that had been really twisted... This man was also the kindest person I'd known and I thought I couldn't be so superficial that I would reject him only because I wasn't attracted to him.

I feel I need to let this out... And superficial or not, I now know I need to feel attracted to someone to be more than friends with them. I never want to try and force a relationship again.

[divine1966]

I think it’s perfectly normal to expect being attracted to your partner. I can’t imagine being intimate with someone I am not attracted to. But it does not mean people need to be gorgeous. You need to feel attraction which typically comes from within when you are connected to a person. I don’t recommend you force anything.

Is that a relationship from 10 years ago? Have you tried to date since? Are you seeing a therapist?

[Bill3]

You are learning a lot!

[MickeyCheeky]

I think it's perfectly normal. With relationships, it's often a matter of trial-and-error... don't force it, but keep looking.

Thank you all! divine1966, yes it's that relationship. Soon after it ended, I started therapy and have been doing that work ever since, focusing on what led to this relationship not working out (severe traumas in my past) but never actually on the feelings I had about this relationship. Now that something brought them to the surface, I decided to deal with them so that once I'm ready, I'll actually be open to a new relationship if the opportunity for one comes along. I don't feel I'm quite there yet, but it's my goal