Unfriending a close friend

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 11:46 AM

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Originally Posted by Sisabel

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I agee! You shouldn't be to hard on yourself!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 11:50 AM

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Originally Posted by Peonie30

Only guilt...she knows I unfriended her and I said goodbye to her through chat message that I will be gone for so very long and will not be able to be in contact with her...I didn't disclose though the truth about my jealousy, I just bid my farewell...Speaking of, I also felt guilty because maybe she is still expecting that I'm gonna come back...

If possible! Or she could be confused thinking that she may have done something wrong without knowing specific!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I think it takes some strength on your part to face and admit the jealousy you’ve been having for so long. The feelings are there and it’s good to work through them. I think it’s probably pretty normal to feel jealous at times. I can’t imagine there’s anybody who doesn’t. It does complicate things when we act on our jealousy though. I have done it and felt guilt and regret. Looking back though, you might find that the friendship just wasn’t a good fit for you and it was best to move on. Facebook has changed the dynamics of friendships I think. Even when we outgrow a friendship or want to move on, they’re still on our social media.

I done it myself. I been angry at those who had been jealous of me who had more than I ever had. Leaving me confused as to why they would be so jealous of me.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 11:54 AM

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Originally Posted by healingme4me

I don't know. I mean it's fb. It's not like you picked up the phone and gave her an earful. It's not as though you stormed up to her ranting and raving and attempting to belittle her.

Maybe she rubs you the wrong way more so than having the successes that you feel bitter about not having?

You feel the way that you feel and that's fine. Feelings are feelings.

Maybe block her for good measure, which might alleviate some of the "guilt"? Is it only guilt or fear of discovery of the "unfriending"?

I completely agree and understand why you feel the way you feel

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peonie30

To be honest, I don't understand why I still feel guilty over the decision that I made to unfriend her. I supposed to feel relief but it's the guilt that's gnawing at me.

️

I think it because you knew it was out of jealousy and she doesn't know that.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:01 PM

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Originally Posted by downandlonely

I think it's ok not to be her friend on Facebook, but cutting her out of your life just because you're jealous seems a little harsh. It is probably a good idea to talk to your therapist about it.

I think it was okay for you to cut ties off with her since you know that this hurting you emotionally and it more than you can handle now. Perhaps talking to someone about how your feelings might help you have better coping skills. It might help you figure out how to be successful in other ways.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:03 PM

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Originally Posted by Deejay14

You can have success too! It just might come a little later or a different way. I would bet there are something's you have that she might like to have. We can. never totally know someone.

I completely agree! There always something positive that come out.

*Laurie* · Jun 20, 2018, 12:05 PM

Meh. So you are envious of her and it makes you miserable to have her as a Fb friend. And you unfriended her. Hardly the end of the world. I unfriended a woman who I grew up with...a 45 year old friendship. Our political differences were clearly beyond repair. I don't regret my decision. I don't think you need to regret yours. You were unhappy with the friendship, so you took care of yourself and your feelings. Kudos!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:06 PM

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Originally Posted by Peonie30

You're right

️

I actually am jealous towards her the "most" because I believe she embodies the kind of success I want for myself.

Maybe you can find something that you can be successful in. Know what that meant for you.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Since you clearly don't have a handle on this I would not reconnect with her. She doesn't need to have an unsupportive person in her life and the negative emotions you feel are not good for you.

If you really had a close friendship you would probably be happy for her that she has met her goals. Close friends support each other even if they sometimes disagree. It would be beneficial to work on this so your jealousy does not spread to other friendships.

I come from a big family. We all have different financial situations, but I have never once been jealous of my siblings who have multiple houses or go on big vacations. I am happy for them that they get to have those experiences. I also don't think I am any less important to them because I might get a couple of overnights at the beach a year.

Maybe your feelings like something is missing in your life!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:08 PM

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Originally Posted by Peonie30

Yes...I do see a psychiatrist...

That probably a good idea to get some help!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:09 PM

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Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Meh. So you are envious of her and it makes you miserable to have her as a Fb friend. And you unfriended her. Hardly the end of the world. I unfriended a woman who I grew up with...a 45 year old friendship. Our political differences were clearly beyond repair. I don't regret my decision. I don't think you need to regret yours. You were unhappy with the friendship, so you took care of yourself and your feelings. Kudos!

I think you need to take care of yourself first before you give to other

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peonie30

My feelings of jealousy towards her started wayyy back in college (when I was still undiagnosed), because I was competing with her regarding our grades. That silent competition I have towards her led me to passive aggressively hurt her by ignoring her for three years in college (2009-2011) and joining another group of friends. We were friends on and off because of my jealousy issues towards her (that she doesn't know, and learned only when we reconnected back in June of 2015).

I even wished secretly that she fails on her grades...and even up to now that she fails on being a nurse...

I'm aware that was really repulsive and pathetic of me to do that. I think everything is beyond repair now.

Yes, I do see a psychiatrist...I don't have a therapist besides my psychiatrist because I find it expensive to have another one...

My psychiatrist told me that it's unwise for me to do that because more than anything, I shouldn't have pushed other people away that I actually need to maintain a social life however that their are only few of them that remained...My psychiatrist even told me that I "think" that it may be helpful to me "now" but we will see how it would affect me on the long run...

️ We had not discussed my feelings further when I opened up about my jealousy issues towards my former friend and she (my psychiatrist) just straight up gave me an advice that I mentioned above.

Sometime jealous will do that to a person. It did to my two sister and one of my brother.

s4ndm4n2006 · Jun 20, 2018, 02:08 PM

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Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Meh. So you are envious of her and it makes you miserable to have her as a Fb friend. And you unfriended her. Hardly the end of the world. I unfriended a woman who I grew up with...a 45 year old friendship. Our political differences were clearly beyond repair. I don't regret my decision. I don't think you need to regret yours. You were unhappy with the friendship, so you took care of yourself and your feelings. Kudos!

but she didn't actually say she was unhappy with the friendship nor unhappy with her friend's behavior or anything of the like. I agree at some level that distancing herself from this person is a good thing but not due to the friend being a bad friend or anything, only being successful. the OP isn't sure she is doing the right thing to write off someone that hasn't actually done anything wrong so Idk if I'd chalk it up as similar to your situation really. What her friend has succeeded in isn't even close to having different political views or life values or anything like that. Sounds like this is purely based on jealousy of her friend's success and I think that needs to be dealt with internally and I wouldn't be so quick to write off a friend and burn that bridge.

Peonie30 · Jun 20, 2018, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I done it myself. I been angry at those who had been jealous of me who had more than I ever had. Leaving me confused as to why they would be so jealous of me.

I just wanna ask, why did you feel confused when you learned they were jealous of you? I mean, some people actually have an inflated ego that having people being jealous of them only flatter them and not make them confuse.

s4ndm4n2006 · Jun 20, 2018, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peonie30

I just wanna ask, why did you feel confused when you learned they were jealous of you? I mean, some people actually have an inflated ego that having people being jealous of them only flatter them and not make them confuse.

True but most do not think that way about their own lives and when someone is jealous of it, they are like what? My life isn't that great! There are a few that have inflated egos but are we talking about how your friend is? Is she that way?

Peonie30 · Jun 20, 2018, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

True but most do not think that way about their own lives and when someone is jealous of it, they are like what? My life isn't that great! There are a few that have inflated egos but are we talking about how your friend is? Is she that way?

I don't think so. Maybe. Because, I can't really determine if the modesty she presents about herself is genuine or not since I repeatedly hurt her I don't know if it makes her feel better that I'm jealous and insecure.

s4ndm4n2006 · Jun 20, 2018, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peonie30

I don't think so. Maybe. Because, I can't really determine if the modesty she presents about herself is genuine or not since I repeatedly hurt her I don't know if it makes her feel better that I'm jealous and insecure.

I gotcha but don't you think that's reading and second guessing her intentions or thoughts too much? we can never know people's true inner thoughts and feelings unless they do something to contradict what they've said. Unless she's implied she enjoys the jealousy, it's really just reading into things too much.

try not to do that.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

True but most do not think that way about their own lives and when someone is jealous of it, they are like what? My life isn't that great! There are a few that have inflated egos but are we talking about how your friend is? Is she that way?

I completely agree with that!

Peonie30 · Jun 20, 2018, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I gotcha but don't you think that's reading and second guessing her intentions or thoughts too much? we can never know people's true inner thoughts and feelings unless they do something to contradict what they've said. Unless she's implied she enjoys the jealousy, it's really just reading into things too much.

try not to do that.

True. I'll try not to.

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I gotcha but don't you think that's reading and second guessing her intentions or thoughts too much? we can never know people's true inner thoughts and feelings unless they do something to contradict what they've said. Unless she's implied she enjoys the jealousy, it's really just reading into things too much.

try not to do that.

I completely agree!

Buffy01 · Jun 20, 2018, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I gotcha but don't you think that's reading and second guessing her intentions or thoughts too much? we can never know people's true inner thoughts and feelings unless they do something to contradict what they've said. Unless she's implied she enjoys the jealousy, it's really just reading into things too much.

try not to do that.

Sometime we just never know!

Cocosurviving · Jun 20, 2018, 09:24 PM

Hello there,

I’m not going to dump on you. I just want to tell you that FB has the option to “hide”. I have a younger family member that I have chose this option for. I do not like the kind of crap she post on FB. So I’m able to still remain friends with her yet not see her crap she post. As far as the jealousy I’m glad your trying to work through it in therapy. Maybe in time you can reach out to her on Messenger and just catch up keep it real light. It’s probably best to just check in on her every few months and leave it at that. This is not the end of the world. Back in 2012 when I was first diagnosed correctly. I had been put on a AD and was being tapered off because it made me full blown manic. I went on FB and cussed out my sister. I unfriend a friend from high school and one from college. I did later apologize to my sister on FB. After doing a lot of reading and getting on the right meds. Now when I’m not feeling good I don’t get on social media. And for the record if you decide to not be friends with anyone. You can tell them as little OR as much as you want. You can simply say “I’m not in a good place right now and I’m working on me”. Then ask the person is it ok if I check-in on you every few months? What some people don’t get some girls are very competitive and think they have to be top of everything. What you have to understand is your situation is different than your friend. Does your friend have a MI?

Peonie30 · Jun 20, 2018, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Hello there,

I’m not going to dump on you. I just want to tell you that FB has the option to “hide”. I have a younger family member that I have chose this option for. I do not like the kind of crap she post on FB. So I’m able to still remain friends with her yet not see her crap she post. As far as the jealousy I’m glad your trying to work through it in therapy. Maybe in time you can reach out to her on Messenger and just catch up keep it real light. It’s probably best to just check in on her every few months and leave it at that. This is not the end of the world. Back in 2012 when I was first diagnosed correctly. I had been put on a AD and was being tapered off because it made me full blown manic. I went on FB and cussed out my sister. I unfriend a friend from high school and one from college. I did later apologize to my sister on FB. After doing a lot of reading and getting on the right meds. Now when I’m not feeling good I don’t get on social media. And for the record if you decide to not be friends with anyone. You can tell them as little OR as much as you want. You can simply say “I’m not in a good place right now and I’m working on me”. Then ask the person is it ok if I check-in on you every few months? What some people don’t get some girls are very competitive and think they have to be top of everything. What you have to understand is your situation is different than your friend. Does your friend have a MI?

Thank you for the advice

What is an MI?

Cocosurviving · Jun 20, 2018, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peonie30

Thank you for the advice

What is an MI?

No problem. Mental illness (MI)

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