[Fuzzybear]

I would like some help with this issue, thanks

I find it particularly repulsive when the asinine “person” is a “professional” .. I’m tempted to simply show them my teeth ...

How do I effectively deal with their Lack of skill, empathy, humanity?

[healingme4me]

I think the first step is to carry a chip on the shoulder around them. Perhaps master the eyebrow raise or whatever facial expressions you feel might get the point accross. And be quick with the comebacks. And smile

[Wild Coyote]

Do show your teeth and ROAR!

I tell the worst ones I have a bear friend and I will turn loose my bear friend loose on 'em!

Try to stay away from those aggravating types, Fuzzy. They hurt you. If they hurt you, they hurt me, too.

I you!
WC

[Crazy Hitch]

Maybe try some visualisation. Like picturing yourself in a protective bubble every time you're around this person. Picture their "words" in writing coming towards you but physically bouncing off your bubble.

And try to not take offence when this imbecile says inappropriate things.

Water off a duck's back

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I would like some help with this issue, thanks

I find it particularly repulsive when the asinine “person” is a “professional” .. I’m tempted to simply show them my teeth ...

How do I effectively deal with their Lack of skill, empathy, humanity?

Can you give some examples?

[Smitkit]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I would like some help with this issue, thanks

I find it particularly repulsive when the asinine “person” is a “professional” .. I’m tempted to simply show them my teeth ...

How do I effectively deal with their Lack of skill, empathy, humanity?

I assume this is work related....but the advice works pretty generally..

Don't get mad, don't show your teeth....pivot. Take out the anger on a body bag at the gym.

Start playing chess, while they keep playing checkers. Everything comes out in the wash. You will eventually find yourself the victor the less you let it effect you.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Can you give some examples?

Some of the worst examples are when doctors lie, give conflicting “advice”, are dismissive, wrong, rude and insulting. And use words of one syllable because of the “time” issue (10 minutes or less in this forest)

When they trivialise valid and distressing medical stuff or use scare tactics and slam wrong labels on me

I mostly avoid them

(Doctors in real life)

Or when some smart *** looks me up and down, I can’t stand that.

I could give examples of others I know .. But I think I’ll leave it for now

[Smitkit]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Some of the worst examples are when doctors lie, give conflicting “advice”, are dismissive, wrong, rude and insulting. And use words of one syllable because of the “time” issue (10 minutes or less in this forest)

When they trivialise valid and distressing medical stuff or use scare tactics and slam wrong labels on me

I mostly avoid them

(Doctors in real life)

Or when some smart *** looks me up and down, I can’t stand that.

I could give examples of others I know .. But I think I’ll leave it for now

I struggled with this a lot. Not sure what your issues are, but finding the right doctor is key. Also, if you have trouble communicating your issues, write them down before arriving. I have to do this or I just sound like rambling fool.

Honestly, I didn't find a good connection until I started working with a nurse practitioner. Nurses have the empathy necessary to interpret your concerns, and the can treat your issues. And since they do the majority of doctors work, they have the knowledge and skill, without tha god complex. Maybe give that a shot.

I had to learn that doctors are not gods, and some really a just jerks. And that I am responsible for my medical care. I spent a long time blaming doctors for not understanding me, and it got me nowhere but angry.

It may take some doing, but trust your gut and demand appropriate treatment. It is your right. And if all else fails, a complaint is far more effective than telling a doctor off.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m tempted to simply show them my teeth ...

I think it's okay to give off a growl sometimes or show the teeth. To put man in his proper place within the pecking order of the great forest.

[YoucancallmeFlower]

I use fear. Let the scariest ones in your tribe out just enough to make
your eyes gleam. Like a were bear. Lick your fangs. Slowly. Nothing is
funnier than making a sudden jerking movement with your chair and
watching them try to hide their reaction. It was an accident the first
time. If they look you up and down (and not in a good way) stare at
their crotch and then snicker. Or chest or hair if it's a female. I always get the meds I want. You know what you need and you know more about your disorders than they do. Realize they are usually lying and
don't let them distract you with bs. Don't talk anymore than necessary.
They aren't listening. But you can be obnoxious if you call them honey
at the end of every sentence. Keep them unsettled. Retain control.

Does this help? I've got more.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Some of the worst examples are when doctors lie, give conflicting “advice”, are dismissive, wrong, rude and insulting. And use words of one syllable because of the “time” issue (10 minutes or less in this forest)

When they trivialise valid and distressing medical stuff or use scare tactics and slam wrong labels on me

I mostly avoid them

(Doctors in real life)

Or when some smart *** looks me up and down, I can’t stand that.

I could give examples of others I know .. But I think I’ll leave it for now

I see now what you are saying. My doctor just recently was so rude and hostile towards me; to condense the visit let me just say she took me up one side and down the other for something that I actually need help with (and she preferred to upbraid me rather than to help me). To which I replied, calmly, "I cannot believe I am the worst patient you have for noncompliance." Her mouth worked and finally she said, "No, you're not." I made a mental note never to go back to her. Had she tried to understand the problem she could have seen that it was not noncompliance--I need HELP.

Some people have their own problems -- she has one; she told me a couple of visits back she wanted to get out of doctoring. Too bad more people will have to suffer before she finally does.

Some people have allowed anger and meanness to take over their lives. Like the guy who shouted and berated me when I tried to alert him to a fire hazard.

Some people are filled with hatred--like my boss. She mistreats me out of that hatred. And when I am long gone, she will find someone else to hate.

You don't have to let other people's problems be your problem. Where possible, walk away. Where you have to deal with some idiot in order to get to the next person who might be able to help you, try to stay calm and to keep asking for what you need. One of the best things you can say is, "Is this going to be a problem?" or "Is there a problem with my request" (need, etc, as it applies)--fake it until you make it if you have to, but stand firmly and politely in your request for decent service or treatment.

For crude people who actually have the temerity to literally look you up and down (and they're not fitting you for a prom gown or painting your portrait); when they pull that stuff, turn around, check the backs of your shoes, act confused and say, "What, what? What am I missing?" And then follow it with, "Is there a problem?" And meanwhile, you can rest assured you have friends here who like you just as you are, and you do deserve decent treatment; we all do.

[Fuzzybear]

A “relative” (not “close”) looked me up and down (quite recently). I could, I suppose, eat them ..

Another “relative” told me “your hair looks nice...... now... “

Geeze...

I’m so happy I’m a Bear and I don’t have to “deal” with these A holes every day

[Fuzzybear]

ugh... I’m sorry about that dr “person”

I agree, some do mistreat people out of hatred, I’m sorry about your boss

I’m tired of these people .. to say the least

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I see now what you are saying. My doctor just recently was so rude and hostile towards me; to condense the visit let me just say she took me up one side and down the other for something that I actually need help with (and she preferred to upbraid me rather than to help me). To which I replied, calmly, "I cannot believe I am the worst patient you have for noncompliance." Her mouth worked and finally she said, "No, you're not." I made a mental note never to go back to her. Had she tried to understand the problem she could have seen that it was not noncompliance--I need HELP.

Some people have their own problems -- she has one; she told me a couple of visits back she wanted to get out of doctoring. Too bad more people will have to suffer before she finally does.

Some people have allowed anger and meanness to take over their lives. Like the guy who shouted and berated me when I tried to alert him to a fire hazard.

Some people are filled with hatred--like my boss. She mistreats me out of that hatred. And when I am long gone, she will find someone else to hate.

You don't have to let other people's problems be your problem. Where possible, walk away. Where you have to deal with some idiot in order to get to the next person who might be able to help you, try to stay calm and to keep asking for what you need. One of the best things you can say is, "Is this going to be a problem?" or "Is there a problem with my request" (need, etc, as it applies)--fake it until you make it if you have to, but stand firmly and politely in your request for decent service or treatment.

For crude people who actually have the temerity to literally look you up and down (and they're not fitting you for a prom gown or painting your portrait); when they pull that stuff, turn around, check the backs of your shoes, act confused and say, "What, what? What am I missing?" And then follow it with, "Is there a problem?" And meanwhile, you can rest assured you have friends here who like you just as you are, and you do deserve decent treatment; we all do.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

A “relative” (not “close”) looked me up and down (quite recently). I could, I suppose, eat them ..

Another “relative” told me “your hair looks nice...... now... “

Geeze...

I’m so happy I’m a Bear and I don’t have to “deal” with these A holes every day

Oh, Fuzzy. I'm sorry you have had these experiences. My mother abused me; so I understand. Abuse tends to set people up for more abuse later in life from others. Just because people are related doesn't mean they love each other; doesn't mean they are kind and good, automatically. Not all doctors are competent or caring. Some teachers are absolute horrors. Women are not nicer by virtue of them being women. Relatives--well, think of the worst people in history--they all had relatives--who had them as relatives.

You deserve kind, decent treatment.

[eskielover]

I always take what they say as "their opinion" whether educated or not. If I don't feel I agree I will get a second OPINION....& a third if necessary. I do my own research before ever seeing them so I can talk intelligently with them. If they refuse to talk intelligently with me I will not go back. I experienced that with a pain specialust a year ago. I never went back. I expect to be treated as an intelligent person because I am & if they choose to disrespect that fact, I have no respect for them & can no longer continue seeing them.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I always take what they say as "their opinion" whether educated or not. If I don't feel I agree I will get a second OPINION....& a third if necessary. I do my own research before ever seeing them so I can talk intelligently with them. If they refuse to talk intelligently with me I will not go back. I experienced that with a pain specialust a year ago. I never went back. I expect to be treated as an intelligent person because I am & if they choose to disrespect that fact, I have no respect for them & can no longer continue seeing them.

I agree. I too am an intelligent person and I abhor being disrespected by supposedly “intelligent” “professionals”..As you may know the “system” is “different” over here.. but I don’t want to get into that

I didn’t go back to one “doctor” quite recently, they were ... well they appeared not to be “intelligent”

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Oh, Fuzzy. I'm sorry you have had these experiences. My mother abused me; so I understand. Abuse tends to set people up for more abuse later in life from others. Just because people are related doesn't mean they love each other; doesn't mean they are kind and good, automatically. Not all doctors are competent or caring. Some teachers are absolute horrors. Women are not nicer by virtue of them being women. Relatives--well, think of the worst people in history--they all had relatives--who had them as relatives.

You deserve kind, decent treatment.

Thank you Ice

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Maybe try some visualisation. Like picturing yourself in a protective bubble every time you're around this person. Picture their "words" in writing coming towards you but physically bouncing off your bubble.

And try to not take offence when this imbecile says inappropriate things.

Water off a duck's back

I like this, I’ll try it, thanks

(Hopefully I’ll eventually get to the other replies, thanks to all

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

I think it's okay to give off a growl sometimes or show the teeth. To put man in his proper place within the pecking order of the great forest.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I think the first step is to carry a chip on the shoulder around them. Perhaps master the eyebrow raise or whatever facial expressions you feel might get the point accross. And be quick with the comebacks. And smile

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Do show your teeth and ROAR!

I tell the worst ones I have a bear friend and I will turn loose my bear friend loose on 'em!

Try to stay away from those aggravating types, Fuzzy. They hurt you. If they hurt you, they hurt me, too.

I you!
WC

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Ooh, there are a lot of pretty hearts, and magnificent roars in this thread.

That's you in a nutshell, Fuzzy!

It's a tough one, having to ask the UK system for help. Big hugs to you for trying.

I'd agree that moving on and trying another GP, and another, and another (and then another practice, and so on), might be the least stressful option.

Maybe make a list of their names, and work through them, ticking them off one by one. And don't expect anything much. Maybe number six or seven will be not too bad!

(It's easy to say, but hard to do!)

If you're wanting to return their rudeness, maybe just reflect back whatever they have said or done. Like holding up a mirror. It's an assertiveness technique I use a lot.

"Please don't raise your voice."

"I feel as though you're not taking this seriously."

"I really need you to..." (and ask for a specific thing). I used this when I was dying with toothache, and a dentist tried to fob me off. OK, I did cry a bit, too (not intentionally). It's best accompanied by an air of looking like you are going to sit here for as long as it takes. Maybe rest back in your seat.

Ooh, and folding your arms is always a good way of returning rudeness!

Sorry you even have to think about these things!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks purple,
I wish neither of us had to deal with those doctors

(it’s always been obvious to me you’re (very) intelligent, as well as “socially skilled” - I hope your post also helps any others in the UK. ) (Who may be reading and not posting) .Yes the “system” is profoundly different over here and NOT in a good way. . It does disgust me how it is how it is..

A dentist trying to fob you off when you had severe toothache ..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

BTW I actually did get a 20 minute appointment last time.. (it’s usually 5 or 10 minutes and I very rarely go to a doctor) ... Do you think I smiled sweetly enough at this doctor?

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Ooh, there are a lot of pretty hearts, and magnificent roars in this thread.

That's you in a nutshell, Fuzzy!

It's a tough one, having to ask the UK system for help. Big hugs to you for trying.

I'd agree that moving on and trying another GP, and another, and another (and then another practice, and so on), might be the least stressful option.

Maybe make a list of their names, and work through them, ticking them off one by one. And don't expect anything much. Maybe number six or seven will be not too bad!

(It's easy to say, but hard to do!)

If you're wanting to return their rudeness, maybe just reflect back whatever they have said or done. Like holding up a mirror. It's an assertiveness technique I use a lot.

"Please don't raise your voice."

"I feel as though you're not taking this seriously."

"I really need you to..." (and ask for a specific thing). I used this when I was dying with toothache, and a dentist tried to fob me off. OK, I did cry a bit, too (not intentionally). It's best accompanied by an air of looking like you are going to sit here for as long as it takes. Maybe rest back in your seat.

Ooh, and folding your arms is always a good way of returning rudeness!

Sorry you even have to think about these things!