[Hawk08]

Hello,

First off I am new here and am hoping to maybe get some help and insight from others who have been in similar situations. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and our relationship has been very serious. We live together and she has 3 kids which I adore and we are very much a family. However little over a month now things have gotten cold with her. She has been very very stressed with work and has recently started treatment for depression. Where I am seeking advice and help is I am a very affectionate person and she isn't so much never really has been. She and I have been very good with communication and talking about our wants and needs. We try to meet in the middle and are trying to respect each other's needs. However lately there is no affection and if it is it's very little and I usually have to ask or initiate a kiss. She has told me that she loves me very much and that shes going through this depression she thinks this could be part of the set back in touch/affection because it's not me at all it's just her lack of drive or want. Well as someone who loves affection and it's a big thing to me. I love her and her kids and want to spend the rest of my life with them. But what do I do? I am trying to give her her space and let her come to me as she warms back up or starts feeling better I guess you would say? It just makes me worry that I'm losing her or I am doing something wrong and she's not interested in me anyone. Again she swears it's not that and that's she loves me she just is going through something she isn't sure about (the depression). She says my pushing for affection makes her not want affection more and she has said it’s annoying because she has told me this , and I continue to put my arm on her or try to touch/kiss etc. Her family has a history of depression and her mother has also told me she's always been someone who needs space. Which I understand but at the same time I dont. I can't get out of my head that it's me, and maybe someone else may be trying to step in. I just don't know what to do to help her. I will continue to love her through this but with so much being put on her with work feeding her stress and depression I don't want to put anymore on her and push her away.

[CANDC]

Hi Hawk08. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are having conflicted emotions about your GF with depression.

Depression is more than just being sad or unhappy. Someone described it as a lack of vitality. A friend tends to isolate and want to be alone and have their own space. They almost just need someone to take care of them like a kid. Expecting affection from someone in depression that is not stabilized with medication may be a lot to expect.

These articles may be of interest.
3 Ways To Help Someone With Depression | Coping with Depression

9 Best Ways to Support Someone with Depression

[Skeezyks]

Hello Hawk: Since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Unfortunately I don't know as there is a lot I can suggest here. In the end, you only have control over yourself & what you do. As much as you may want to help your gf, in the end only she can help herself. I do think you are correct in not wanting to put additional stress on her. There is a danger here I believe that by trying too hard you could well push her away.

I don't recall you mentioning if your gf sees a therapist. If not this might be a good thing. And depending on how things go here, this may be something for you to consider for yourself too. Likewise, some couples counseling may be something to consider at some point along the way. My best wishes to you both...