[Macd123]

Hello - I’m 63 she’s 26 and has three kids. She’s real easy to talk to and I’ve known her for years. She wanted to know when she was going to see me again... I’m hesitant which tells me I shouldn’t but I hate blowing an opportunity so far down the road. I know I shouldn’t go there if I’m not 100 percent in with her and the kids..... it would be nice to have her around but it’s a ton of responsibility I didn’t create. Just listening to myself makes me say no ((((( yikes 😊

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't know about this. I'm 70 now. However I can still sort-of remember what 63 was like. Perhaps it's just me. But I can't imagine myself being in any kind of relationship with a 26 year old woman with 3 kids. For one thing the kids would drive me up the wall. (My nerves always were easily frayed. And as I've aged they've only become more so.) Plus I can't imagine what I could have in common with a 26 year old. Nor would I have the energy to keep up with them even if I did. I'm quite certain I would quickly become a massive disappointment to the lady as well as to her kids. But then that's all just me. I presume you have a different perspective. So good luck with it!

[unaluna]

Well, you wouldnt be lonely anymore, thats for sure! How would you feel about being a family man from here on out?

Where are the kids' dad(s)? What is this woman like? What are her plans for the future, like going to trade school or college eventually?

[healingme4me]

This leaves more questions from me than answers. I agree with una about not being lonely anymore. Does she live nearby to you? Wherever does she find the time? Maybe not view it so seriously as though asking when to see you again equates to being tied down with serious commitment?

[divine1966]

Asking when she is going to see you again could indicate million reasons. Did you date her? I doubt it. You likely saw her in a social setting/maybe some friendly interaction hence she is asking. It doesn’t have to mean romantic interest. Or that there is some kind of responsibility to take care of her and her kids.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Asking when she is going to see you again could indicate million reasons. Did you date her? I doubt it. You likely saw her in a social setting/maybe some friendly interaction hence she is asking. It doesn’t have to mean romantic interest. Or that there is some kind of responsibility to take care of her and her kids.

This would be our third date. She once told me that she considered me one of her best friends. The father of her children is still around but they’re not married. This is a problem because I really don’t know their status. Maybe I am reading this wrong and she just wants a friend but if I start taking her out more frequently things could get confusing. Also I’m not convinced that I want a family at this juncture of my life. The uncertainly makes me want to stay away but what if I don’t get another chance.... all I know is I’m sure thinking about it a lot. I really don’t know what her plans are but I do know she has two jobs and seems responsible.

[divine1966]

But is she considering you a friend or a potential romantic partner and were those dates or simply meeting of friends? Or simply her going for free meal? Or being lonely? How did those dates go? What did you do? Honestly I know a lot of people but I haven’t heard of 26 year olds wanting actual relationship with someone over 60. Why don’t you ask her what are her views on dating you or what not. Don’t want you to get hopes high.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by divine1966

But is she considering you a friend or a potential romantic partner and were those dates or simply meeting of friends? Or simply her going for free meal? Or being lonely? How did those dates go? What did you do? Honestly I know a lot of people but I haven’t heard of 26 year olds wanting actual relationship with someone over 60. Why don’t you ask her what are her views on dating you or what not. Don’t want you to get hopes high.

At this point I’m not sure if it matters that my hopes are too high 🙏

[ArchieAus]

It's an unlikely scenario for sure . Not normally the way attraction works . You do see it with older Australians and much , much younger Asian ladies . Of course on face value you would just pass this off as them being gold diggers and " just after the money "... and that's exactly what I used to think , but now I am the grand old age of 53 a few of my acquaintances have gone down that route and met Asian partners of a much younger vintage . After talking to the young ladies for a while I have changed my opinion somewhat . They are looking for security and don't place physical attraction above that , but they def still develop feelings for the male from my observations . Even in that situation 37 years it quite an age difference . If this young lady does see you as more than a friend it would be because she sees you as a solid person , who knows who they are and has carved a life for themselves . A man who doesn't play games and is confident in who they are . A man who has life experience . Someone they feel safe around .
So it's always a possibility , but an unlikely one in our western society .

[WishfulThinker66]

Honestly, I have to wonder what your agenda is dating a woman you are old enough to be the grandfather of. It probably would make you feel young, invigorous, and fantastic - for a while. But once the excitement fades are you prepared to deal with the reality? One thing that enters my mind is that you would be making a commitment to parenting these children, likely on a near full time basis. How old are you going to be when they are old enough to leave the home? Is this realistic to you? At what age is she likely to be when you are no longer around? What would the reality of that and impact to her be? I am sorry to be such a pessimist but these are things you must ask yourself. Finally, in what way would you be enriching the lives of her and her children?

[divine1966]

It’s been discussed and discussed for ages and I still don’t understand why not ask out women of more reasonable age? I am not saying she must be 63. She could be younger if that’s your preference like in her 40s or 50s. Why must they all be in their 20s?

Like if 37 years age difference is reasonable for you then I should date a 15 year old boy (if it was legal) or if he is older than me then he’d be 89. Do you think it’s a good fit for me? Why do you think 26 years old is a good fit for you? In what way?

Have you talked to your therapist about repeated attraction to these very young women? And if you know her for years, how old was she when you first met? Did you like her then too? Was she 20? 18? Is there something to explore in therapy about it?

[unaluna]

(((Divine))) i can picture you with a 89 year old bf! well why not? Thats just ageism. I think i wouldnt mind taking on a family, as long as there was a young parent around to do most of the heavy lifting, and i am 66.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Honestly, I have to wonder what your agenda is dating a woman you are old enough to be the grandfather of. It probably would make you feel young, invigorous, and fantastic - for a while. But once the excitement fades are you prepared to deal with the reality? One thing that enters my mind is that you would be making a commitment to parenting these children, likely on a near full time basis. How old are you going to be when they are old enough to leave the home? Is this realistic to you? At what age is she likely to be when you are no longer around? What would the reality of that and impact to her be? I am sorry to be such a pessimist but these are things you must ask yourself. Finally, in what way would you be enriching the lives of her and her children?

Well I like her. We’ve known each other for years and we have good conversations. So it’s why I try to keep her in my orb. I’m probably not ready to be the father of her children so this may not go anywhere. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to without having to go through a lot of effort....

[Nammu]

Think on this, you are old enough to be the great grand father of those kids. You ready for teen drama

[WishfulThinker66]

Thank you. While I do have problems with such an age difference I instead tried to illustrate the realities and impracticalities such a relationship would entail. This seemed to go out the window.

I must say that I keep returning to my thoughts that this age thing is in fact a problem for me. The fact you have known her since she was younger I do find disturbing.

I have one other comment though. Why would you try this relationship on at all if you are unprepared for the consequences of raising her children. How unfair to her. This again causes me to question your motives.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Thank you. While I do have problems with such an age difference I instead tried to illustrate the realities and impracticalities such a relationship would entail. This seemed to go out the window.

I must say that I keep returning to my thoughts that this age thing is in fact a problem for me. The fact you have known her since she was younger I do find disturbing.

I have one other comment though. Why would you try this relationship on at all if you are unprepared for the consequences of raising her children. How unfair to her. This again causes me to question your motives.

To answer your question I’m probably a bit selfish - but aren’t we all. All my life I’ve been looking at a lot of empty space relationshipwise - she’s a real live person and waiting for another somebody might be another regret. Yes loneliness drives me towards her I wish it was something more noble. I haven’t done anything yet but if I’m sitting here five years from now kicking myself for not trying I might feel even worse. I’m actually quite amazed that I can still find my judgement intact enough to consider the impact on her kids. I just feel left out of the whole I love you scenario.... honesty is the best policy I guess....

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well I like her. We’ve known each other for years and we have good conversations. So it’s why I try to keep her in my orb. I’m probably not ready to be the father of her children so this may not go anywhere. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to without having to go through a lot of effort....

Well so long as you are both on the same page, then I say just enjoy what you have. Who is anyone to judge?

[~Christina]

Kids get attached very quick , be mindful of that

[pegasus]

Hi Macd123, I've noticed over the years that you like the younger ladies. You also have a tendency to misread situations, has she asked for a full relationship and marriage? The issues here are that with a near 40 year difference between you, I can't see how you can both be on the same page. She will have very different views, a much higher libido, are you up for that? The other worrying thing is, why is she interested in you in that way? You must either be very good looking for your age, famous or rich. None of those are good reasons. A relationship needs to be based on love and good communication. Is this a true love or a fantasy because you are lonely?

[ArchieAus]

I reckon there's enough failed relationships out there to not stand on the moral high ground on what a good one should look like . A successful relationship is one where both partners are happy . Not where one partner is 3 years younger and 3 inches shorter than the other . Where one is the appropriate weight compared to the other , the list goes on and on . These are all peripheral things that while society says they don't judge ...they do . I'm not advocating the Op's position ( I have no idea what that even means ?..Op? ) And I think it's about as unlikely a scenario as one could be , and I also believe the Op is misjudging the situation and for it to most likely to end in tears . But I'm not ever going to say what a good relationship looks like ..and that's from someone who met their wife 29 years ago and we are still together . So much to the point that we rate no other humans in the world apart from each other , as experience has shown us that each other are the only ones we can truely ...truely rely on in every situation . But I've observed enough relationships not last to not say what a good one is based on .

[Macd123]

yeah well I ran a couple of meetup groups and I tried doing some online stuff and I wasn’t really targeting girls in their twenties. I got zero results and it seemed like a waste of time. She just happens to be in my life and she’s actually talking to me. So whether it’s a good call or a bad call she’s company and I’m not just whispering to the wind. You’re right there is the fact that she’s young and that’s attractive. I’ve been looking at an empty chair across from me for so long that it may have impaired my judgement a bit. I know I haven’t had enough positive results in my life so anything might be an improvement. Anyway I haven’t done anything yet and this too could go the way of the dinosaur. All I know is I’ve been doing therapy for a hundred years and that’s a poor substitute for having real live individuals who care in your life.....👍