[Angelica s]

Hi

I have always remained single, dated alot but never found anyone I wanted to be with and the ones I wanted didn't want me. My family and friends say that I push guys away and I will end up alone if I continue to do this.

So I decided to change my dating style and I have met a sweet kind guy. I feel he is needy because he always wants to chat, wants me to spend all my free time with him, calls me everyday. It's as if I am the main focus of his life. I like my alone time and am used to doing things on my own. So it's a huge adjustment.

I am told that's normal to want to spend every waking minute with someone. Being bipolar and on alot of medication, I have no desire for intimacy . And rarely do I have any needs or desires and this has been an issue in the past.

I don't want to be alone my whole life.

My question is as a bipolar sufferer, it feels as if I am unable to make a relationship work, is it just me or do others have similar issues.

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, I don't think it's normal to spend every minute of your life with somebody else.. it's perfectly normal that you'd want your personal space. Are you currently in therapy or under medication? Perhaps you need to work a bit on yourself before trying to engage in a relationship.

[djolivas]

The medication does make it hard for intimacy. It seems as though my partner has to catch me at the right time. However, when I am manic I seem to be ravenous (and unfortunately not with my partner). I seem to have made a security blanket. I have security with my partner and a stable life....but I crave something more. I have figured out recently that I need to make my relationship into what I am craving. Unfortunately my terrible spending habits (again the results of manic episodes) I have hidden a lot of debt and we are so strapped financially that it makes it difficult to be adventurous and free spirited - what seems to be what I am lacking in my relationship. I don't know if my relationship will last, I seem to be the crux of all our problems, yet they still put up with it....WHY? I don't know. But I know i will never find a person like this ever again so it would probably be in my best interest to try. And that includes managing my disorder well.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Angelica: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of bipolar disorder. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/bipolar/

And then here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of living day-to-day with bipolar disorder:

In-Depth: Living with Bipolar Disorder

10 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder: 6 Ways To Distinguish Between Yourself & Your Illness

Bipolar Disorder: A Patient's Definition

I have not really been able to find anything, in PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of romantic relationships, written from the perspective of the person who has BP. However, here are links to some articles that discuss being in a romantic relationship with a person who has BP. So these articles would actually be more appropriate for the guy you're interested in to read. But perhaps they will give you some perspective as to what being in a relationship with a person who has BP can be like:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/maintai...olar-disorder/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipol...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/partne...dium=popular17

My best wishes to both you & your friend.

P.S. You know... I'm an old man now. But I can still vaguely recall what it was like to be newly in love. And, from that perspective, I don't find it at all odd that your sweet guy wants you to spend all of your free time with him. There is a possibility here that wanting you to do so is a sign your guy has some underlying mental health issues of his own. But it could simply be infatuation too. This is something you'll need to work on sorting out as you go along.

[JJ43]

I have Bipolar Disorder and it was partially responsible for getting dumped last week. I think medication had more to do with it. Lamictal fully cured my depression (the only med ever to do so) but did nothing for manic episodes. It also leaves me emotionally flat. I loved my ex-BF but not in the "need to be with every minute" way. It had no sexual performance side effect but I lost all interest in having sex. I think my ex-BF went looking for a hookup but found somebody else, which completely blindsided me.

Funny, the last few days I was trying to remember what defines real romantic love -- I certainly never felt the need to have my ex-BF around all the time.


Do you have any Borderline traits?

[WishfulThinker66]

Yep, I went through a string of relationships before my diagnosis and eventual medication but I am in a very stable long-term relationship now. The medications have really helped but so has been the fact that I am very open about my mental health and my boyfriend is very supportive. Recovery and stability needs to be a partnership.