So empty

I feel the effects of the long lonely road 🤓

I sometimes wish my road were even more empty than it is. Today is one of those days...

I just feel so powerless in the proceedings - as I age it gets harder to turn on the lights.... admittedly I could have tried harder but old habits die hard.... I always have this image of myself sitting in a chair in a large empty room listening for anything.... I feel like such a beggar trying to get the attention of others..... I wish my words were important to them 😊🌹

Perhaps you could volunteer to help others . I believe from reading one of your previous posts that your in your early 60's , so hopefully still very capable of being active . It might not be for you but lots of people fill voids in their lives by giving to others . I went to my primary schools 50th anniversary on the weekend ( I started there when the school was three years old ) There was a lady who used to help with everything . Scoring for sports , helping at stalls , loads of things . She's 86 now and was at the school for the occasion , O.k. She is not as sharp as she once was , but I spoke to her for half an hr and others from the gathering were hovering around to get to her once I buggered off . I thanked her for the kindness she had shown to us kids and kids that followed after us .She told me her husband had died young and she did it so she didn't feel lonely . Her life must have been far from perfect , but she touched so many of us , and I'd like to think found some happiness in that .

Thanks - I’m pretty lazy which is probably one of the reasons why I don’t have a love life.... I do give dollars when I remember.....

Fair call . I also see the lines blur between the theoretical noble act of giving ones time for those less privileged...to the reality of actually going somewhere and doing it. I'm not sure if it's laziness, although each to their own . But you sort of have to put yourself out there on a limb to some extent , which can have its drawbacks ...or the possibility of drawbacks . Then once you've committed , what if you don't feel like doing it anymore ..even though your doing it for no financial reward , there's likely going to be some feeling of obligation ... so yeah , like most things , it sounds simple , but there's always complications .
Modern life in itself generates an unhappiness no matter what the current situation . People who have no partner , feel they could maybe be happy if they found one . People with a partner feel they could maybe be happy if they could just get rid of that partner , and that's just relationships . People are just generally dissatisfied with whatever they have I guess . Maybe that nuclear war might not be a bad thing ? The few of us left would be so busy trying to find a pool of water that didn't have radioactive worms in it to drink , or a piece of tin to sleep under for a few hours we would not have time to contemplate the level of our own happiness ...an extreme view ill grant you ... sorry , I'm off on a tangent . My new favourite theory .. the fairytale complex . We are so convinced we should be able to find happiness in life we spend all our time seeking it . Because it's actually not realistically attainable we then feel even unhappier .... and the cycle just continues . A young dude who thinks I am some form of smart person talked to me the other day . He said he was on antidepressants and asked me what I thought the meaning of life was . I don't think I helped too much by replying " I have absolutely no idea , I think perhaps it's just a prisoner of war camp and our job is to survive it for as long as we can take it " . I don't think modern life gives us much of a chance of finding true peace . We have been going down the wrong road for quite a while now .

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view there are certain needs imbedded in the human DNA that peck away at your substance and if they’re left unfulfilled they can darken the skies. Even at my age they still create envy and regret. I’m nineteen going on sixty four - it’s hard to find peace in this twisted space.... so it goes.....

Excellent post. Volunteering. Like most things in life it's not that straightforward. I've tried various things over the years. Put time, effort and sometimes my own money into it and been knocked back at least twice. Then there's the commitment. What if something else comes along that means you can't do it anymore? You feel guilty about dropping something you've maybe done for a long time.

This modern idea of looking for constant happiness is just making us depressed. A constant high is just one side of BPD surely. Happiness and sadness are and should just be transient states . We should strive so that we are on balance, all things considered and taking everything into account ...content.

Meaning of life. I would guess it has no intrinsic meaning only the meaning we give it in our own little universe. The bigger picture ? who knows?

Yeah, it sucks don't it Mac. ' peck away at your substance' ew. You sure have a way with words .

I bet there are homeless shelters in your general area. Homeless shelters in my state (some are only about 40 min drive from me ) always looking for volunteers in the kitchen. It’s not too difficult but rewarding and gets you out of the house and you meet other volunteers. Often single women. Or anyone in fact. You are in your 60s not 90s. Most of my girlfriends are in their 60s. It’s not old

I hope you'll be able to find peace.

That’s the problem - I’d probably go there looking for companionship and not because I’m dedicated to the cause. I left work for a reason - don’t really want demands on my time. I can’t think of a charity where I’d be excited about joining - sounds selfish but it’s true. I might change my mind you never know....I do give cash to the local food bank monthly.... that’s something I guess 👍

I don’t think it matters why one volunteers. I am pretty much suggesting things for you to do.