[rdgrad15]

A former friend who I mentioned in the past who just randomly cut me off has shown her true colors and I can see that I am now better off being her friend after all. It isn't the alcoholic acquaintance, it is the former friend who, I believe, was trying to be controlling when we used to hang out. I saw her recently at a college reunion by mistake. I didn't anticipate her being there with her boyfriend and it was most likely her boyfriend that made her say hi because when she said hi to me, it was very forced and she clearly didn't want to talk to me and did it out of politeness and obligation. I tried to avoid her at first but then when she came up to me, I spoke to her out of politeness so there would not be a scene and didn't want to look like a bad person since no one else knows that me and her are not friends.

Back in college, she would always complain, but then never seemed to listen if I needed to vent or she would turn it back on her. Also she would call me clingy anytime I tried to make plans to hang out with her, yet she always wanted me to join her in the cafeteria to eat. She got mad at me if she saw me taking breaks from doing homework. I always got my work done but at the same time, I always allowed myself to have breaks from time to time since I get burned out easily so I always started assignments as early as I received them, no matter how much time I had to complete them. The friendship felt very one sided especially when her relationship with her boyfriend ended after she tried to control him and became very clingy towards him, saying he must text her every day and see her at least twice a week or else she would end it with him.

That is when her complaining got way worse, she complained a lot before the break up, which was also why they broke up. Towards the end of that year, she mentioned how she was going to stop being friends with me at some point, yet couldn't understand why I never seemed to fully trust her when it came to the possibility that she would eventually stop talking to me. Also she would always gloat about her best friend from high school, talking about how much she means to her and how much she wants her around and how she has helped her. Yet anytime me or anyone else in college tried to help, she would not recognize them and even at one point, heard her mention that she was all alone during her college years, indicating that she never actually had any friends.

I think she just used me and possibly even other people as friends out of boredom just so she wasn't lonely. She constantly wanted to be with her best friend and didn't think of herself as clingy, yet if I wanted to hang out with her, she would label me as clingy. Almost like I wasn't allowed to take the initiative. This wore me out very quickly. After college graduation, she made it seem like she liked it when I went to visit her, but I found out that she secretly hated it and didn't appreciate me visiting her and other people. Also she somehow knew that I secretly couldn't trust her and knew I expected her to stop talking to me one day. This was due to not just how she behaved, but also because she mentioned how she would stop being friends with me one day. She once called me one of her best friends but actions speak louder than words and she never acted that way. Never even seemed to care. She would text me a lot, but always seemed to have some complaining to do.

She says she hates it when friends just stop trying to keep in touch especially if they are close. Yet she stopped talking to me eventually while still maintaining contact with her best friend from high school. That indicates that I was right and that she never liked me as a best friend, probably not even as a causal friend. Now looking back, after the reunion, I am a lot happier since I was very depressed when I was constantly around her and her negativity. Seeing how she feels totally comfortable about cutting anyone and everyone off like they meant nothing to them after college means she most likely never liked them or at least felt close to them, including me, in the first place even though she claimed she did. I had a feeling she didn't care as much as she claimed which is why I wasn't too hurt or surprised when she cut me and other people off.

She even ended one friendship with someone else due to the person being sad and stressed a lot and apparently complained at times, yet she did the same thing and did it way more. It's like it is okay for her to do that stuff but not other people. She just came off like she was better than others since she constantly made rude judgments and assumptions about others and even tried accusing people, including me, of being clingy. Yet anytime I tried to give her space, she would wonder where I was at. She once told a counselor to talk to me about why I was always clingy towards her, yet she once got very mad at her best friend for going to support someone at a funeral rather than hang out with her. Her best friend didn't attend the same college so they didn't see a lot of each other but still, she needs to understand that sometimes people have to support others. They still hung out, just not as soon as originally planned. I really came to dislike her when she did that.

I don't think the counselor believed her since the counselor was not mad or accusing and seemed like she was just going along with it. The counselor knew me better and longer than she knew my former friend. I almost ended it right there with the former friend after she did that. It made me trust her even less than I already had. She did all of this stuff, yet didn't understand why I always suspected that she wasn't a very good friend or that she didn't really care about me. She no longer texts me or talks to me. It went from constantly texting me to complain, to only texting me out of boredom, and now she doesn't even do that. I don't care, I am happier now. When I was around her, I started becoming very depressed. The fact that it was my last year of college didn't help since I was already depressed and anxious about graduating and moving back home. The fact that I was constantly around her negativity made matters way worse.

When I accidentally ran into her at the reunion, it was pretty clear that she had moved on. She never really liked the college but for some reason never transferred out. When I asked her if she keeps in touch with other people from the school, she said no because times change and she is too busy and doesn't feel the need to keep in touch. Yet she has plenty of time to hang out with her best friend from high school and her boyfriend. I'm sure eventually she will become very clingy towards him and try to control him. That is fine if she no longer wants to talk to people from college, she has made it clear that the college and anyone or anything associated with the school is now dead to her. That is why I am glad I was never really that close to her, I knew she would eventually dispose of me and others. I just don't understand why some people say they hate it when people don't try to put in effort to keep in touch with those they consider their close friends, yet she called me and some other people close friends and then threw us away like we were nothing to her. She even talked bad about me behind my back especially after those times when I would put in the effort to visit her. Looking back now, I am better off without her and am glad I don't hang out with her. She has shown me her true colors. I don't think I was clingy, I think she just simply had a control problem, thought she was better than others, and couldn't accept being wrong and didn't want to accept responsibility and even threw fits of rage if she didn't get what she wanted or something didn't go her way.

Well there are certainly a lot of contradictory behaviors here. I’m sure we all contradict ourselves at times... I catch myself doing it too... but this is a lot and it sounds like it’s best that you don’t have to be around this person anymore. I’m sorry you lost a friend. Friendships are hard to form and I always feels sad when things don’t work out. It’s always a bit of a risk when you meet somebody and form a relationship because you never quite know how things will work out and sometimes they can go really wrong.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm glad you dodged that bullet

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Well there are certainly a lot of contradictory behaviors here. I’m sure we all contradict ourselves at times... I catch myself doing it too... but this is a lot and it sounds like it’s best that you don’t have to be around this person anymore. I’m sorry you lost a friend. Friendships are hard to form and I always feels sad when things don’t work out. It’s always a bit of a risk when you meet somebody and form a relationship because you never quite know how things will work out and sometimes they can go really wrong.

I agree with you, yes we all contradict ourselves. Even I do it, we all do. No denying it. It is when it happens at a alarming rate and creates a toxic environment like I described when it becomes a problem. Yeah essentially it was okay for her to treat people a certain way or demand their time and be controlling, yet no one could do it to her. Not only that, but the way she gloated about her best friend from high school made me and even others feel like we are worthless. The way she did it made it sound like she was saying no one will ever be as good as her best friend. I was not the only one who felt that way too. Lots of other people felt the same way so I know for sure that my way of thinking is not wrong. There really is something wrong with the way she gloats about her best friend and treats others. Almost like an obsession too. Also she has the inability to accept responsibility and can't be wrong. I agree, friendships are scary to maintain since most turn out to be toxic.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm glad you dodged that bullet

Thank you. Yes I am glad I got out of that friendship. I really don't think she actually cared about me and seeing how she is now and how she just cut everyone she ever interacted with out of her life like they meant nothing to her is strong evidence of how she truly felt about me and even some other people who she claimed she was friends with.

I'm glad you got out of that "friendship"

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

I'm glad you got out of that "friendship"

Me too. Like I mentioned, I was not surprised at all when she stopped talking to me. She basically announced she would do it eventually, yet didn't understand why I always seemed to assume she would eventually cut me off or why I always felt like she didn't really care about me. But yeah, I am glad to be out of there.