[ajisalone]

I’m always afraid of what people think of me when they see or speak to me. It’s come to the point where after every conversation, I have to obsess over what I said or didn’t say. It causes me to mumble to myself or do weird movements or make weird faces. A lot of the time I keep repeating something that was said out loud. My ex-friend has caught me doing this a lot actually. I’m probably sort of a nutcase really.

Im already pretty jumpy and fidgety in general. Especially in large crowds, where I feel as though everyone is looking at me and afraid I’ll mess up or do something clumsy. I think I’m just a bit absent minded. I often miss things, talk over people, and we’ll bump into random things. But I might just be stupid. My memory still baffles people- both long term and short term. I can’t retain info well and it makes me feel inferior. It’s especially worse lately.

I’ve also developed a speech problem where I stutter or things come out jumbled or slurred. I kinda talk like a kid actually. My verbal grammar is really bad. I’m still trying to understand how to carry on a good conversation when I don’t know much about anything. I always say something wrong or go too far unintentionally anyway. I guess you can say I’m starting to keep my mouth shut and just nod or keep it simple as much as possible.

Doesn’t feel like this is even the half of my issues. I’m also kinda transitioning into adulthood (18) and that already comes with its own stress. Just wanted to vent.

[zapatoes]

Sorry that you are feeling uncomfortable in crowds ajisalone.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi ajisalone. I think a lot of what you described can be attributed to anxieties of various kinds, including some of the social aspects you mentioned. You're not stupid or a nutcase believe me, but I do understand why you'd think that, as anxiety has followed me through my whole life. But that need not be the case with you if you can see a doctor, approach your problems from various angles and just put energy into changing the way your mind behaves. Good things will start to happen for you, I'm quite certain, especially since you're addressing it at a young age. Good on you, ajisalone.

You can definitely work on this and turn it around. I have experienced terrible anxiety in my lifetime and I have always been painfully shy. It has taken a lot of work but it’s been well worth every effort. Most people don’t consider me shy anymore but I will always see myself that way. Have faith in yourself and don’t ever give up. ❤️

[downandlonely]

Hi ajisalone,

I know it seems like everyone is thinking about you and judging you, but in fact most of them are like you. They are worried about themselves and how they appear to others. Try to remind yourself of this, and maybe you'll feel less self-conscious.

[DazedandConfused254]

Hi ajisalone

I can most definitely say that you are not a nutcase and that theres nothing wrong with you. If this makes you feel better I hope that you know you're not alone. When I have been fighting self-esteem issues as a result of being pushed around by some pretty nasty people and feeling left out of my groups of friends I have developed a lot of the same anxieties too. I'm not afraid of large crowds like you would find in concerts but I typically don't like spending time with large groups of people and my low self-esteem and social anxiety gets me stuttering, especially when I'm faced with people who have caused me problems or if I'm threatened, or feeling judged. But like downandlonely says most people don't have the time or energy to make checklists in their minds about anyones imperfections or flaws. Recently Ive also find it helpful to concentrate on the close friends that you have so you don't have to worry about winning the approval of strangers or the haters. May you rest assured you are not alone here on PC