I got upset with my son this morning over the way he spoke to me.
Hubby told me "right, you have to stop this now. Just stop getting angry and listen to people."

I felt victimised. Do they understand me? no. Does it help my hubby taking kids side all the time? no

oh yeah, and we owe a months money on the tv. I offered to phone and pay it, He told me to get in the real world and leave it a while, cos HE isn't the one who worries, I AM

jin

[sabby]

(((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))



sabby

[Doh2007]

Ack! I feel your pain. Our relationships as husband and wife are supposed to come first. If you can't see a marriage counselor, I don't know what to suggest. Do whatever you need to do to shore up your self esteem. Someone smart said that the one thing worth fighting for is respect.

((((((((doh))))

thANKS HON, i'm learning slowly I guess.

Jin xxxxx

[msinfiniti]

Your husband is enabling your son and telling him it's okay to disrespect you. Your husband should back you up as an authority figure to your son. He is making it two (him & your son) against one (you). You and your husband are supposed to be partners. He is definitely giving your son the wrong idea.

I feel for you because I, like many other mothers out there, have been in the same situation as you.

Be strong,
Laura

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))

[Sultrysorrow]

I too understand your frustration. My wife most of the time let's our daughter walk all over her. And get's upset because I get respect and compliance from our daughter and she hardly get's any.
Of course there's some animosity that she (my wife) has towards me because of the way I handle situations that would lead our daughter to become intollerable.

[jauneoiseau]

jinnyann

I know EXACTLY how you feel!! Frustrated, powerless and very hurt by the fact that your son, who you love spoke to you so disrespectfully and your husband who is "supposed" to support you in your discipline of your children totally disregarded your authority and his position to stand by you and just sided with your son!! HUGH!!!!!

Jin, I think it's time that you assert yourself and confront your hubby about this issue.

I'm doing a How to be assertive & people skills workshop at the moment, so I myself am only learning, however I feel that the best way to asset yourself in this instance is with "I" statements.

For example, you could say something like this to your hubby "Hubby (whatever his name is), I feel very hurt and victimised when I try to discipline our son and you side with him , ignoring what I had to say in regard to . . . . (whatever it was). Hubby, when I'm disciplining our son I would really appreciate your support."

Keep it short and sussinct . . . You could write your own script for this. Practice it before you say it. Start with "I" (how you feel) then explaination of why you feel the way you do then finally what you would like him to do.

I have tried this myself at work and in my own personal life and found it to be the best way to assert yourself and not come across aggressively.

Words hurt and people who supposedly love you should know that there are times their words and behaviour upset you and in turn upset the relationship and your family.

Good luck and God bless xx

thanks for you input guys I really appreciate them.

It's always been like this. I have been the disciplinarian in the house. The speak to me a lot better than they do my husband, but every now and again disrespect me too.

I have done my best and they are good, intelligent kids, but right now I leave the discipline to Tony as I'm not particularly up to it and things are going pear shaped.

I'm too tired to think about it anymore, he's been alright since, but this happens on a regular basis. I always meant what I said, Tony always offered empty threats.
well, thanks again,

tired, Jin xxxx

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
I got upset with my son this morning over the way he spoke to me.
Hubby told me "right, you have to stop this now. Just stop getting angry and listen to people."

I felt victimised. Do they understand me? no. Does it help my hubby taking kids side all the time? no

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


OK - as I read this post and reflected on my experience with this same matter I came up with two possible solution......

# 1

Your son maybe repeating the way he sees his father treat you - kids watch and learn from their parents, the good and the bad.

# 2

From their male POV your husband and son maybe trying to tell you that they NEED you to listen more to them when they talk and not respond all the time with your opinion (well,not right away).

What do YOU think? - (any truth in # 1 or 2)

And YES - you are right is it hard for them (males) to understand us (the female) as our minds and ways do not always see eye to eye with each other...... Sorry ((( hugs ))).

I think a bit of both Rhap, ty.....Jin xx