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#1
Sep 15, 2018, 11:27 PM
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I don't know how to start. This isn't a simple question but loads. Now ex-gf is controlled by her mentally abusive (possibly sexually abusive) non-biological dad. A Psychologist has identified this though never did anything about it. My ex and I have gone through hell in the past year and half plus. Whenever her dad was in town or contacted her, he seemed to always control her or manipulate her. Putting doubts about who I was from the get go. In the end of it, she claimed I was treating her like a daughter rather than a girlfriend but I can tell you this, the text he sent to her on a regular basis or even spoke to her was like "hey babe, how you doing?". I can't make that up! She wanted to take the relationship down to best friends with benefits (first time for me) and I asked her to wait for 2 weeks for antidepressants to kick in or off. I was scared of taking them since she nearly killed herself when she started taking them and I wanted someone to make sure my behavior didn't go like hers (it did eventually). She agreed and within a week not only lied to me but went on a date (she promised not to do and she wanted to be single for awhile) and had sex with him. On top of which she admitted she wanted me to figure it out. As my antidepressants completely backfired so did my control over emotions, actions and thoughts. I lost some mutual friends and her mom went from supporting me to blocking me even when she sided with me calling her own daughter some things. I am alone here in that my friends are more like people who talk to me if I talk to them first. I am a little older than the common person here (veteran in a college town) and for me, my mistake is wanting to help and solve everything. She has been sexually attacked by so many people in her life. She told me the last week of our relationship that was truly her best friend...her rock, foundation, beam of life. Then she does that and even says she doesn't care about me anymore. I know it is her dad doing all this. I know she has Stockholm syndrome with PTSD because of her mentally abusive and manipulative dad but why do I want to forgive her. Why do I still want to protect her and help her? She lives within 1 mile of me. I know her schedule and everything and I avoid her at all cost. How do you go from wanting to get engaged and move away to ending everything with me? This is one for the doctor and I am sure he/she has got some remarks for me too. I know the best solution is to block her from everything, move on and don't look back. But it really hurts...my feelings haven't changed since it all, nor have I actually expressed them. Little help...
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 Bill3
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#2
Sep 16, 2018, 09:23 PM
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 I'm not sure if I were being lied to that I'd want to quickly forgive, though I can appreciate the torn feeling between wanting to be compassionate and wanting to self-protect. It sounds like a tough position to be in. As well as there seem to be oodles of heightened emotions involved. Perhaps a small break and sleep on it for a little while? Until everything cools down in intensity? |
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#4
Sep 17, 2018, 04:07 PM
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Here is my 2cents for what it is worth. Food for thought anyway.
While I've never been in your exact situation, I did have a co-worker once who was having similar mental health problems to mine. She wanted to talk about it, and at one point, even tried to convince me to take a demotion, the way she did. She was genuinely trying to be helpful, but the way I looked at it, we just couldn't help each other. I don't think 1 drowning person can help another drowning person, you just end up pulling each other under. So don't look at it as turning your back on her, necessarily. Really examine your relationship and be honest with yourself. Do you really believe you can help her or she can help you? If yes then fine, but if the answer is no, you need to accept that both of you need to look for help elsewhere. Definitely no "benefits". Good luck to both of you :-) |
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