What to make of partners behaviour towards DD?

s this okay behaviour?
Bit of background, I have a 7 year old daughter form a previous relationship. me and my partner have been together 4 years, he doesn't have really much to say with the childcare or parenting etc, and I have shared care with my childs father.

I've started to pick up on some behaviours that don't sit quite well between my partner and my daughter. He treats her like she's almost a burden to him and has no rights to do things that I wouldn't ever dream of scorning her for.

Some examples.

1. Partner was watching football the other night, so we sat and watched it with him. At one point I left the room and my partner shot out of his seat and angrily screamed 'penalty!' at the tv screen (like they do lol). I heard my daughter jump up after him and scream penalty also like she was wanting to join in on the action! I just entered back in the room and caught him going 'don't do that.'

She said 'why?'

he said 'just don't do that.'

Then I joined in and asked what was up with him, and he said really defensive and quite stern to me 'I don't like it when she does that.' His tone of voice was that tone that's meant to put someone in their place, so I didn't push it any further.

A few minutes later he did the same thing and not thinking, she jumped up again. Because I was in the room watching them, he just turned to me and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, as if he wasn't bothered.




2. We was at a christening yesterday and all having a conversation (in a group) but I was turned slightly in my chair speaking to his step dad. My partner said something and my daughter asked to repeat what he'd said. He said nothing, so she said 'no go on what did you say?' I turned around to see what was going on and he held her hand up to indicate to stop her speaking and went 'I said that I said nothing'. She looked at me cautiously as if she thought shed done something wrong, and you could tell it bothered her.

Its like he wants to put her in her place and dismiss her all the time, (usually when I am out of the room so he has more freedom to) but whenever I pull him up about it he pretends that he was never bothered by her behaviour (and when I say 'behaviour', I truly believe her behaviour is just that of a normal child and she hasn't done anything wrong).

It all seems so trivial and petty but this happens almost everytime hes with her and I think shes started to notice and its beginning to really bother her.

Were having a few problems in our relationship at the moment which is another issue entirely, so whenever I talk to him about things that are bothering me he either passes it up or denies that he did it in the first place.

Me personally would be bothered by that

I have a daughter of similar age and also have a partner.

I wouldn't accept him talking to my child like that as I wouldn't speak to her that way.

I'd express your concerns to him and ask whats going on.

Sorry you're feeling this way, I hope you can sort it out

Going by your previous posts he is a terrible partner. Now he also mistreats your child. What would it take for you to consider that you can do better than this man? Your daughter surely deserves better even if you think you don’t.

I agree with Divine. Why are you putting up with this man? Now he's mistreating your own daughter. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior for one second. I would put my foot down and not allow him to chastise my daughter or reprimand her in any way. Better, yet, break up with him.

Oh gosh guys you don’t know the half of it.

I’m just getting to grips with understanding everything what’s going on here, and things are balling in as time goes on about how just unjust his behaviour is. I’m planning t leave, I’m just getting my ducks in order.

I didn’t realise that he treats her in a similar way, am I right to say that he does mistreat her? I’ve always felt uncomfortable around it because it’s quite subtle, and he always justifies himself after and makes it seem like I’m being sensitive over nothing or I am looking too much in to his actions.

Trust your own gut feelings and reactions to his behavior towards your daughter and yourself. Your gut knows the truth of the matter, always. Yes, he is mistreating her. And clearly she's reacting negatively to his treatment of her.