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#1
Sep 17, 2018, 10:15 AM
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Who believes that marriage is forever, through thick and thin, the good the bad and especially the ugly?
Who believes that love is a CHOICE and not a feeling? Who believes that hard times are what make the good times so great? Who believes that divorce just isn't an option? And how???? Go.... |
 Anonymous50384, MickeyCheeky
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#2
Sep 17, 2018, 10:34 AM
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I believe that a marriage can last forever. I also acknowledge that people change as do their wants and needs. Sometimes forcing it when it just isnt working isnt best for anyone.
I dont believe love is a choice. I still love people from years ago that I dont want to. My brain can not control my heart. I believe hard times are a necessity of life, but good times could be equally enjoyed with out them. I believe divorce is always an option. You should never feel like you are stuck. Be married because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. For me having set expectations leads to frustration. I tend to go with the flow now. |
 continuosly blue
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#3
Sep 17, 2018, 12:03 PM
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I believe a marriage can last forever. I feel you just have to work on it every day. I know people are going to jump down my throat for this, but I feel nowadays that a lot of people give up when the ***** hits the fan. It takes a lot of work to keep a marriage a float. Now I know that there are times that people get married to the wrong person or that drugs, alcohol, abuse happen after the fact, but those aren't the kind of marriages I'm talking about. They should definitely leave those.
I just suffered a stroke in May which led to heart surgery in June and right afterwards my wife had to do almost everything for me. I couldn't shower, I couldn't get dressed, I couldn't even feed myself. That's how bad it was. However, my wife stayed with me and she has said numerous times that she will help me for the rest of my life if I don't get better. We both took are vows of "through sickness and health till death to us part" serious. If the tables were reversed and I had to take care of her I would, even if it meant for the rest of our lives. I dunno if hard times are what makes good times great because I know (even though I don't remember a whole lot pre-stroke) that we have had great times together even when there aren't hard times. Just being with the right person I think is what makes the good times great. My wife set up a trip late last month and paid extra for better seats to two concerts so I could make new memories since I don't really have any old ones anymore. So I guess in this situation a hard time (the stroke) did make a good time great because it was like seeing the bands (that we have seen before - or at least that's what she's told me) for the first time and she loved seeing the joy and excitement in me.
__________________
Morality plays on stages of sin -Emilie Autumn |
| mrsselig
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#4
Sep 17, 2018, 04:07 PM
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First of all, I'd like to say that your wife sounds amazing!!! She deserves many cudos and flowers and anything that will make her feel what she is worth! Taking care of someone like that is extremely difficult and trying. She is a rare beauty! You are blessed, and I'm sure you have been a huge blessing to her as well. In regards to your comment "Now I know that there are times that people get married to the wrong person or that drugs, alcohol, abuse happen after the fact, but those aren't the kind of marriages I'm talking about." Taking out the abuse portion... Do you also see these addictions as an illness? Do we leave someone b/c they are battling an addiction? Or do we do the same as we would if they were just battling depression or a mental "issue"? |
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#5
Sep 17, 2018, 05:19 PM
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I believe that marriage could last forever but I also believe that divorce always an option.
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#6
Sep 17, 2018, 05:37 PM
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__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#7
Sep 17, 2018, 05:58 PM
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I believe in forever for certain. I just got engaged to the greatest love of my life.
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#8
Sep 17, 2018, 08:25 PM
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| Anonymous40643
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#9
Sep 17, 2018, 10:01 PM
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Observing humans for a fair time , I am not so sure that people will spend their entire life with one person in the distant future . The complications of modern life , the options open to both , the fast changing world . I'm just not sure if "forever" relationships will be the norm . We as people change enormously throughout our lives and there are so many life distractions piling up all the time . So you have two people who will change a fair amount , banking on that they will still want to be together in 40 years and more , and still be compatible
It's a big ask . Is it possible ? , for sure .
So I've been married for near on 30 years . I think I was 22 and my wife was 19 when we met . So now I will list all the things you need to do to have a successful relationship .. not a chance , I would never be so presumptuous . A lot of it comes down to luck I reckon in the end . If I had one piece of advice I would throw out there . Always make your partner the most important thing in the world to you . If your a team you grow together with a bit of luck . If you both do that it won't guarantee success by any means . But it certainly won't make failure more likely either. |
| eskielover, TML8277
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#10
Sep 18, 2018, 05:15 AM
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of love........A love that for many , is beyond their capabilities.
__________________
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. *Disclaimer * Anything I have posted is strictly my own personal opinion or experience , and is in no way, shape, or form meant to portray a professional assesment of any kind. CB |
| eskielover
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#11
Sep 18, 2018, 01:26 PM
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Nope. I believe that NOTHING lasts. Perhaps friends do, but relationships don't. My opinion.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. 
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#12
Sep 18, 2018, 02:46 PM
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Who believes that marriage is forever, through thick and thin, the good the bad and especially the ugly?
I do. but let me elaborate, marriage itself is what you make it, and it is meant to be til death.. as in the traditional vows say "til death do us part..." But again marriage itself is a choice one makes to commit to the other for that long - as in when you take your vows you are saying you made the choice to be with this person til the end of yours or both of your lives. That is not to say that the commitment itself is the end of it, because by committing to be with that person you are also choosing them as your partner through good, bad and ugly. it takes work to remain in that marriage. The problem to me I feel is that people don't acknowledge that or actually make the commitment, therefore, many marriages are sabotaged from the beginning with the mindset that is different than what the marriage commitment is supposed to be. things like in their minds "as long as you make me happy" or other such conditions are really what people think instead of just "til the end" kind of thing. the commitment above all things to me, is the key word in marrying someone. without that it likely wont' be for life. Who believes that love is a CHOICE and not a feeling? Love is a choice. The feelings we have for another person will ebb and flow over time. The feelings of strong passion and desire for the other person in the beginning is separate from that and is often mistaken for something people think is the definition of love but love is choosing to support, care for, be forgiving of, and be with that person and is pretty much always based on the infatuation making us want to choose that way but true love is not a feeling but that when those feelings do fade a bit you still remain commited, you stick with the person, continue supporting them and all the many things one does for their devoted partner. if love is a feeling then love never lasts forever because no one in this world remains passionate for any single person constantly and forever. But love can last because it's when we remain in spite of the lack of passion at times. Who believes that hard times are what make the good times so great? Good times are great in and of themselves but hard times go a long ways to emphasizing how great those good times are. Without one or the other it does not negate anything. hard or good times are also a very relative and subjective thing depending on where you've been and what life has handed you. This subject could be a long one because it all depends on who you are, where you've been and where you're going in relation to the other times of your life. if you grow up poor, being a middle class working person may be heaven for you but if you've not had it so hard, the level of prosperity may be set at a higher place to feel like that. Who believes that divorce just isn't an option? Divorce is an option we all have but it ties in with the commitment above and also is relative. if you truly believe tht marriage is through thick and thin and til death, then divorce may only be an extreme option. it all depends on your level of commitment whether or not it is an option for you. as for me, one leaving, and/or cheating is one of the extreme conditions where divorce is an option - although it is not necessary, it is one of the few reasons aside from of course, abuse, where I would consider it. And how???? Go... I'm not even sure what the "how" question refers to. |
| eskielover
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#13
Sep 18, 2018, 05:02 PM
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I will ignore the naysayers who say nothing lasts. lol. I know mine will.
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#14
Sep 20, 2018, 09:45 PM
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It might, and it might not. The sticking through everything, is not only bad news sometimes, and also unrealistic sometimes. Being with another person also has attached to it, societal expectations, and so much fear.
__________________
50 Shades of Abuse |
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#15
Sep 21, 2018, 05:46 AM
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that's not exactly what you say to someone who just got engaged. This thread is not for me.
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#16
Sep 21, 2018, 05:52 AM
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I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; it had to be an option, otherwise I would have lived the rest of my life in abuse.
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| Medusax
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#17
Sep 21, 2018, 07:20 AM
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Relationships can last forever. Sometimes they are nothing but lovely. Sometimes they are a rocky road. It takes two to make them last.
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"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#18
Sep 21, 2018, 07:57 AM
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I believe love is a choice. And that's what makes it beautiful.
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| eskielover
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#19
Sep 21, 2018, 12:54 PM
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Well it depends on what you mean by last forever. I wouldn't consider until one partner dies to last forever because that is a mockery of the word forever as one partner lives as though they are no longer married when the declaration of the marriage was forever. If it is until both die, with the widower continuing to live their lives in commitment towards the other then that is beautiful and true I think, but still it is an imitation of forever. I think both of these loves are possible and can be done through a mutual willingness to live for one another rather than themselves, especially in the latter case. When both partners are willing to let themselves live for the other that's a beautiful thing. To make it last forever though, I think it involves something more radical, a change within the person that makes them see not only do they love this person, but they love the light of the Eternal within the person and can see God's Presence within the other person. If someone loves God and see's within the other person a spark of the Divine that causes them to have unconditional love that always says Yes to love, even onto forever, beyond the grave, so that any moment in the relationship whether the lowest or the highest you're willing to give a Yes to the relationship that you could live in that moment forever, that's how you truly make it last forever and in doing so divorce becomes an impossibility and makes the hard times and the good times equally beautiful not just as a learning experience, but in that unconditional Yes to the marriage.
__________________
In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved. + John of the Cross 
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#20
Sep 21, 2018, 01:41 PM
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| eskielover
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#21
Sep 21, 2018, 02:35 PM
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If that is the case then there's a few things to ask yourself. If you were this person, what would you think would be the best thing for you do to for the other's sake? Also if what would be the most loving thing you could do for the abusive person's sake? Is it to let them continue on in their destructive path or is it to do whatever you can to make them stop going down that path even if it means leaving them? Ultimately loving the person in light of their true self as seeing God within them is a deeper and more powerful love than any other love that hasn't been transformed by this truth so perhaps the love of neighbor without marriage is the deepest love possible in this relationship?
__________________
In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved. + John of the Cross
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| TML8277
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#22
Sep 21, 2018, 02:45 PM
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Yes , for it to be the "fairytale" relationship . It doesn't end when one of the partnership passes . It's accepted that nothing could replace what's gone before . I don't see it as a religious experience ( of course I wouldn't , I'm not religious ) , more of an acceptance that once achieved it can't be replicated .
I won't bang on about my own relationship , that gets boring and would sound conceited. But we do compare our relationship to my wife's grandparents . They met and married at the same age as us 22 and 19. They lived until they were 97 and 94 in a special bond . They did need some assistance in their later years , but lived the whole time independently in their lifelong home . They were the perfect couple , so well matched and dedicated to one another .The female passed away first , no drawn out illness , just died at home . The male then helped to put there affairs in order and arrange her funeral . Attended that funeral and spoke remarkably on the day . He then went to the large gathering after and socialised with the guests of the funeral . He then sat down in a chair in a quiet spot as the celebration of her life wound up ..and then just died without fuss or suffering from a brain bleed . The perfect end to a perfect relationship . If we all could be so lucky . My wife and I have discussed what will happen when one of us dies in the future . If that be tomorrow or in 50 years . We both agree that the other will just live their remaining life out as best they can . There won't be any " other " relationship apart from friends . Hopefully there will be happiness by staying busy and doing constructive things .That's the price you pay for getting it right the first time . It's a price I will be happy to pay if it comes to it . We already have our forever after now . You can't have two of those . Or at least that's how we see it . |
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