[getittogheather]

What do you do when you’re in love with your best friend. Extremely long story short: my best friend and I met at work and she immediately started flirting with me. We eventually dated for about three months before she realized that she couldn’t commit. We continued talking afterwords like we normally did, but then the texting bc one-sided and the responses became slower. And then I found out that she was dating her emotionally abusive ex who also cheated on her multiple times.

I was devastated.

We didn’t talk for months and she got into a bad headspace dating this girl. We became friends again and she admitted that she still had feelings for me and part of the reason she broke up with me is bc she “liked me too much”. She wanted to be single a while to find herself. Then her ex came back, she caved, and then felt stuck in this toxic relationship bc it was all she knew. Eventually, surprise surprise, she caught her ex in a lie and they broke up.

I was the person she confided in. The first one she texted immediately after it happened. Since then, I’ve been her rock. I’ve kept her busy, she vents to me, drinks with me, and we hang out all weekend together. We have slept together a few times and we flirt consistently, but other than that....nothing is happening between us.

The only thing that’s happening is that my heart is breaking every day. Bc I’m so incredibly in love. I know the best thing to do is give myself some space, but she’s become my best friend....and also MY rock. And I’m afraid that if I leave again, she’ll get back with her ex. They still talk all the time, but I’m the one she hangs out with. It’s so stupid, but I’ve become so protective of this person. She’s literally all I think about and my day is ruined when I think about her still talking to her ex and possibly even hanging out with her. Please help.

[healingme4me]

Does she know how you feel?

[divine1966]

She broke up with you because she liked you too much. It doesn’t sound right. It seems to me that she is stringing you along a bit.

[Bill3]

she vents to me, drinks with me, and we hang out all weekend together. We have slept together a few times and we flirt consistently, but other than that....nothing is happening between us.

Other than that? What else are you looking for?

[TML8277]

Originally Posted by getittogheather

What do you do when you’re in love with your best friend. Extremely long story short: my best friend and I met at work and she immediately started flirting with me. We eventually dated for about three months before she realized that she couldn’t commit. We continued talking afterwords like we normally did, but then the texting bc one-sided and the responses became slower. And then I found out that she was dating her emotionally abusive ex who also cheated on her multiple times.

I was devastated.

We didn’t talk for months and she got into a bad headspace dating this girl. We became friends again and she admitted that she still had feelings for me and part of the reason she broke up with me is bc she “liked me too much”. She wanted to be single a while to find herself. Then her ex came back, she caved, and then felt stuck in this toxic relationship bc it was all she knew. Eventually, surprise surprise, she caught her ex in a lie and they broke up.

I was the person she confided in. The first one she texted immediately after it happened. Since then, I’ve been her rock. I’ve kept her busy, she vents to me, drinks with me, and we hang out all weekend together. We have slept together a few times and we flirt consistently, but other than that....nothing is happening between us.

The only thing that’s happening is that my heart is breaking every day. Bc I’m so incredibly in love. I know the best thing to do is give myself some space, but she’s become my best friend....and also MY rock. And I’m afraid that if I leave again, she’ll get back with her ex. They still talk all the time, but I’m the one she hangs out with. It’s so stupid, but I’ve become so protective of this person. She’s literally all I think about and my day is ruined when I think about her still talking to her ex and possibly even hanging out with her. Please help.

So sorry you find yourself in this situation. I've found myself in a similar situation before minus the abusive ex. Mine just didn't want to commit. What it really all came down to was I wasn't the person that he wanted to be with... Plain and simple. No other explanation or reasoning would change anything. I was desperately in love with him for a long time. The only thing that helped me... quit talking to him. That's the only thing I could. It was hard, it sucked and it took a long time. He eventually got married and so did I. I still think about him, but I know now that he would have never committed to me. And it all worked out for the best. If you truly love this girl you should be 100% honest with her. And if her feelings aren't the same, you need to separate yourself from her so that you can heal and move on. Best of luck to you! Be strong and believe that you deserve the best. YOu will find it even if it isn't her.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by getittogheather

What do you do when you’re in love with your best friend. Extremely long story short: my best friend and I met at work and she immediately started flirting with me. We eventually dated for about three months before she realized that she couldn’t commit. We continued talking afterwords like we normally did, but then the texting bc one-sided and the responses became slower. And then I found out that she was dating her emotionally abusive ex who also cheated on her multiple times.

I was devastated.

We didn’t talk for months and she got into a bad headspace dating this girl. We became friends again and she admitted that she still had feelings for me and part of the reason she broke up with me is bc she “liked me too much”. She wanted to be single a while to find herself. Then her ex came back, she caved, and then felt stuck in this toxic relationship bc it was all she knew. Eventually, surprise surprise, she caught her ex in a lie and they broke up.

I was the person she confided in. The first one she texted immediately after it happened. Since then, I’ve been her rock. I’ve kept her busy, she vents to me, drinks with me, and we hang out all weekend together. We have slept together a few times and we flirt consistently, but other than that....nothing is happening between us.

The only thing that’s happening is that my heart is breaking every day. Bc I’m so incredibly in love. I know the best thing to do is give myself some space, but she’s become my best friend....and also MY rock. And I’m afraid that if I leave again, she’ll get back with her ex. They still talk all the time, but I’m the one she hangs out with. It’s so stupid, but I’ve become so protective of this person. She’s literally all I think about and my day is ruined when I think about her still talking to her ex and possibly even hanging out with her. Please help.

I think you should get her some professional help with a therapist. Someone who could help her deal with her emotions. Let her know that you'll be there for her. Put down a boundary between her and her ex. Ask her if she wants a relationship with someone who she knows is emotionally abusive toward her or if she wants someone like you who won't treat her like that? I feel that she is just using you.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Does she know how you feel?

I agree she need to know how you feel!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Other than that? What else are you looking for?

Have you thought about moving on from her? It doesn't feel like you are important to her.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TML8277

So sorry you find yourself in this situation. I've found myself in a similar situation before minus the abusive ex. Mine just didn't want to commit. What it really all came down to was I wasn't the person that he wanted to be with... Plain and simple. No other explanation or reasoning would change anything. I was desperately in love with him for a long time. The only thing that helped me... quit talking to him. That's the only thing I could. It was hard, it sucked and it took a long time. He eventually got married and so did I. I still think about him, but I know now that he would have never committed to me. And it all worked out for the best. If you truly love this girl you should be 100% honest with her. And if her feelings aren't the same, you need to separate yourself from her so that you can heal and move on. Best of luck to you! Be strong and believe that you deserve the best. YOu will find it even if it isn't her.

I completely agree with you! I feel the same way myself! The same thing happens to me. I was giving mixed signals and he was using me. I had to let him go.

It doesn’t sound like you’re getting anything out of the relationship. It’s so much nicer to be with someone who reciprocates and gives back. I hope you find that. ❤️

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

It doesn’t sound like you’re getting anything out of the relationship. It’s so much nicer to be with someone who reciprocates and gives back. I hope you find that. ❤️

I agree! Maybe a t time to move on.

[WlBv]

It honestly just sounds like you two are co-dependent on each other. You two confined in each other but done have anything more than that. I understand that you have strong feeling for this girl, but is that because she's your only option? If you continue to make yourself available when you want something and she doesn't then it kinda shows that your not valuing your time as much as you should. Because her abusive ex has insecurities and takes them out on her, then in turn her insecurities comes out in stringing you along as devine1966 said. Also it seems like you put to much value in her and not yourself you say "It ruins day to think about her getting back with her ex." You have to give yourself permission at the end of the day to be ok if she gets back with her ex. Because that is her decision and it's not your fault if she ends up back with her ex people will make the decision they want even if everyone sees that its a bad one. You can't base your happiness on someone else and the decisions they make.