[BlossomingLen]

Hello! I hope you're all doing well today! As for me, I've definitely been better.

My relationship with my boyfriend has been extremely shaky lately and I really want to know how to improve it.

I often feel like he's not taking me seriously, and whenever I try to talk to him about how I feel--he just sort of brushes it off or says "I'll take care of it" and it never gets addressed again. I've tried to leave the issues behind and not pay attention to it, or remind him that there is an issue. But nothing has really happened.

In truth, he's changed. I tried to think that maybe I wasn't supportive enough. That I was the reason as to why I'm struggling so much. That I can't accept his change. He's admitted that there was a change and it was completely out of his control. But it feels like I'm talking to a completely different person and it really bothers me.

I've tried to just look past it. To be patient, as he said I should be, but nothing is working out. We're fighting and bickering more, and he isn't as open as he used to be. Whenever I have a problem--I open up and he doesn't do much to support me. Whenever he has an issue, he won't tell me, though I would love to support him like I used to. That's not me tooting my own horn, I promise. We had a very give-and-take relationship, where we would support one another whenever there was a problem. Since we met during very difficult times in our lives.

But now I can hardly ever get him to open up about his feelings, he never really has much to say when I bring up fun stuff to talk about, he jokes that I'm not sexy and that I'm a nervous wreck--but he says it in a completely serious way and it makes me feel like he legitimately believes these things.

I tried to bring up that our spark is slowly fading last night, saying that I feel like he's losing interest in me and there wasn't much said about the issue.

I've tried giving him space. Where he'd be away for a long time and I'd spend time with friends, but it didn't really do anything. I'm just slowly running out of things to try and ways to approach the situation. Even when I'm a positive force and I try to be confident and happy for him, that distance is still there.

Worst off, he's tried convincing me that grabbing a friend's boob is completely platonic. That even drinking her breast milk could be considered platonic and that it was okay for him to do if a friend of his was ever willing. When I got upset about him saying that, he tried to brush it off as "just a joke," yet again. Saying that he'd never actually do that. But with all this behavior, I don't know if that's really true.

He won't even be physically intimate with me anymore. When I tried to openly talk about that and the things he likes, he has nothing to say and basically makes no move unless I instigate it. Even then--when I drop hints or openly say I want it, he'll just say; "We'll do it later" or he'll get distracted and never get around to it. When it does happen, it ends so quickly and it feels like nothing anymore. Like there's no passion in it.

It's had a negative impact on me mentally and physically, as it's been going on for so long. I've gradually begun to believe that I'm not attractive, that I'm just imagining all this stuff, and that I'm the problem.

I understand if he's under a lot of stress, but he's said constantly that he's doing fine. That I'm just looking too much into things.

Please, I would really like some advice. I genuinely love this guy and I'd do anything for him. That's why I've tried to approach this in many different ways. Because I wanna be with him for the rest of my life.

Thank you so much for reading.

[avlady]

You aren't married? Why would you want to continue a relationship like this, you are getting a raw deal. It is not right he treats you this way and if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, i feel sorry for you as he is not treating you right. You are obviously not making this up, as you said you thought you were. What he is doing to you is real, if it was me i would run! There could be somebody else better for you, there a lot of fissh in the sea and some of them are actually loyal and nice.

You're doing all the work in this relationship. That's not fair. A relationship is 50-50. Him telling you you're not sexy in jest is just plain mean and nasty as well as uncalled for. The breast comment? Another hurtful tactic and comment. NOT NICE. Perhaps he would cheat. Sure seems like he practically wants to. Who says these things except someone who is already thinking about it? I would ditch the relationship and find someone better. He's not worth all this effort.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, unfortunately your feelings for him are allowing you to accept his negativities and it's wearing down your self esteem too, and that's no good. I agree with the previous two posters that it's best to break off the relationship. It's clear he doesn't care for you anywhere near the way you care about him. There's someone better out there for you BlossomingLen, don't you worry.

[Stone92]

You've already been doing everything you can for this relationship. You've put in so much, but unfortunately, your boyfriend has stopped putting in effort. He's making the choice not to reciprocate your love and caring. Those "jokes" he's making-- I would take them at face value. I think he's subconsciously trying to tell you something. And he's being very cruel and callous about it. Not to mention his distant behavior. This is not how a loving, dedicated partner acts.

[MickeyCheeky]

It seems like he's already thinking about ending this relationship with you... I'm sorry

BlossomingLen, you have been with him a long time, he was different before, you still love him, would do anything for him, but this is not the same person you got into a relationship with. I found myself while reading your post, gasping out loud at some points. He has no right to treat you like that and you deserve MUCH BETTER. Saying those comments about you? And then saying "I'm just joking"? That's emotional abuse, I hope you know. If you don't know, now you do. He does it even though he knows you don't like it. What an incredibly ****** person. My thoughts, over and over again, while reading your words were "DUMP HIM." It sounds like that it might take a bit of emotional effort (and maybe preparation) on your part to do that, but I 100% think that. Dump him. You deserve better than emotional abuse. I agree with the other posters. He is eroding your self esteem. He is not the same person anymore. And one more thing: I was in an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship and then friendship, with a man who was more like a boy. He was so degrading to me, Knew I didn't like it, but defended himself because he was "just joking." I call bs. He didn't care about my feelings. Just like this guy doesn't care about yours. And he did care, in the beginning, just like your guy. That guy is long gone out of my life now, over a year now, and this has been one of the most empowering 1.5 years of my life. I have found myself saying that to others, with a sigh of relief! It was incredibly hard for me to detach myself, but it was worth it. I hope it's not so hard for you, but that's what I believe would be in your best interest too. Good luck.

[healingme4me]

I think reevaluating how you attend to yourself is a good first step. Learning to let go of a lost love is a process. Rebuilding yourself back up to feeling good about yourself doesn't require doing more than devoting all this spent energy on him back onto yourself. I wouldn't even begin with a breaking up talk to be perfectly honest. I know that my choosing to divorce was a process. I reached a point where I threw my hands up. I had done everything that I could imagine to repair the wounds of my marriage. Turning the focus on me was necessary. Good self care would be my advice. When you're in a better place emotionally, you'll know if staying or leaving is the right choice for you. Nothing wrong with being someplace, in between.

[WlBv]

Hey Blossomung Jen first off thanks for havbing the courage to post this and be open to discussion it's brave! I do hold some of the same thoughts as the people above, but I also have some other questions that can give better scope to the situation. Like how long have you guys been together for and are you two young? If you are young he really may have changed and you two are just different people at this point in life and need to go your own ways in life. One thing that stuck out to me beside the major points that other people have brought up like the jokes is you say he's under a lot of stress, what kind of stress? Has a immediate family member passed away, does a run a business, has he recently lost a job? If it is something major he could be having a identity crisis and trying to see where his life will take him. Also his ego could be hurt if one of those things have happened recently and he may be acting differently and taking out his insecurities out on you. try being aware of those thing and still be conscious of wrongs that he may be doing to you. Don't let your love for him make you blind to his acts like mote.of.soul said also Don't excuse them but if they get out of hand then do somethin. For now don't jump to any conclusions. Like you said you do love this man and want to work things out with him. I think healingme4me brought up some great points focus on loving yourself and "Nothing wrong with being someplace, in between."