is he embarrassed of me?

Well, I learned that my son (26) has a girlfriend. Apparently they have been seeing one another some time. He has already introduced her to his older sister, father, and even step-father. Meanwhile I didn't even know she existed until someone inadvertently let the cat out of the bag. I feel hurt and miffed by this. Am I wrong to be assuming I purposely haven't been told and included?

Naturally my first thoughts turn to that of him being embarrassed of his bat poop crazy mom.

Ask him, one on one, if you must, but be prepared for anything

Talk to him about how you feel being left out of his life

Only way to know is to ask why he didn't let you know. You may not like what he says or he may just be diplomatic depending on how he may expect you will react to how he really feels.

OR it may just have never been convenient timing for a meeting with you yet....may be hard to tell for sure.

In general, how well do you get along with him?

Thanks Bill, very good question...

I considered ourselves quite tight and close. I live 2 1/2hrs away but we regularly keep in touch and, as I often find myself in his community, we see and spend time with one another at least once monthly. I just had lunch with him only days before my father inadvertently told me (maybe accidentally on purpose to ease the burden of keeping a secret). Why would he have not let me know at that time?

The others are perfectly correct that I let him know I am aware of this and ask him what is up with keeping me out of the loop. I ought to tell him I feel he is intentionally being secretive when it comes to me and that my feelings are hurt. This is so much easier to talk about than do.

Thanks to all for your support and thank you Bill for your query.

Here is another perspective, considering that you are close with him.

Maybe he hasn’t decided whether she is good enough to introduce to you? Or maybe he has decided but he wanted to introduce her to you in a special way?

I suggest that you have an open mind when you speak to him.

I agree with Bill to keep an open mind. Ask him if you really want to know but I would personally try to be careful about making him feel bad or making him feel pressured. You could also just tell him you heard about his girlfriend and you sincerely hope he is happy. Try to stay positive and keep an open mind about the whole thing. I know you feel hurt... that’s probably best to be mostly expressed to us here and maybe you can work through those feelings first before you talk to him about that... I would feel hurt too... I have been in your shoes... many times... Staying positive and open minded in these situations has helped me the most. That’s my personal opinion of course... coming from the heart as I know how hard it is... and in no way meant to be forcing any advice on you. ❤️

I have observed mother/son relationships. It would be MUCH better to just say you heard he has a girlfriend & then LET HIM take it from there. Everything else yiu have suggested saying does nothing more than try to lay a "guilt trip" on him for making YOU FEEL the way you have chosen to feel. That would not go over very well if I were your son. Any time you go on the offensive it ALWAYS puts the other person on the deffensive.....not good for relationships ever & especially NOT mother/son in relation to a GF.

^^^What Bill said

I think this is a normal reaction.

I would be hurt by this as well. I can't read your son's mind, so I don't know why he chose not to introduce her to you, but you have the right to be hurt.

It may be a normal feeling to be hurt by this but how we respond can still make a huge difference in building a wall between you or paving a pathway for communication.....how you respond does make a difference whether you are hurt or not.

I think sons have such a complex way on a mother's heart. I think the open mind aspect is to not rush to the assumption that the lack of a introduction is because of the worst. Not that you the OP don't have reason to have a multitude of emotions about the topic. You mention being close.
Maybe ask him with a hypothetical? If he were to have a gf, how would this play out in introduction? Has he had other gf's before that you've met? And what happened when he did?

To be fair, I'd be pretty embarassed if I had a girlfriend and had to tell my mother so perhaps that may be another reason why. Anyway, I agree to talk about it with him. There may be many reasons for him acting like this, especially if you're generally very close.

As a most unusual universe coincidence between the timing of your thread and the conversation that I just had now with my very soon to be 13year old son. He has a desire for me to "do something" about this 1 lagging bin of childhood toys before his friends come over sometime this week for his birthday. My 15yr old son went through this around this age.

Soooo....I'm picturing my own sons desires to show utterly no display of life before becoming a teenager and imagining what 26 could look like bringing home a significant other. Maybe it's they want all traces of youth removed? As a sign of identity? Something only you(basically) their mom would know? but that's my gut feeling.

That is.Great advice!

I completely agree with you!

That great advice!

That possible!

I wish that I had thought about that myself!