[BeaFlower]

I'd like to hear your thoughts but especially experiences about this. Do relationships between someone who has a physical disability and someone who doesn't usually 'work', or is it really very very difficult? I understand that it depends on the two people...
There is a reason why I ask. I quite recently found a friend that has a disability (he uses a wheelchair). He's a very good person and always makes me smile when we chat (we knew each other online) and he's very nice to me, for example he says very sweet things about me, and since I often doubt myself it's good to have someone like him. He says that being friend with me improves his life and that I'm very important for him and similar things. And I definitely love him very much as a friend.
Just, maybe recently I began having some feelings for him...I say maybe because it could Ve different if we ever meet "face to face", and because I don't have much experience with boys (or with my feelings in general) and so I could maybe make confusion between love and a very strong friendship. But yes, maybe. He's so nice to me and interacting with him makes me happy and he makes me feel good about myself.
Plus, I began thinking that he may have similar feelings too...again, I'm not sure...but from some things he says sometimes I have this impression. When he says very nice things about how I look physically and about how he likes me as a person, it could maybe just be for a strong friendship, but again, I'm not sure...I had that impression, that's it.
The problem is...I have to admit that I'm not sure to be strong enough for something similar Surely this is a kind of relationship that would have many difficulties. I'm not a very independent person, though I don't have physical problems...but for anxiety and other things I think to need someone who can take care about me, be " the strong one". I'm also not very independent with driving and doing things at home and going to places alone and so on. So, probably it would be too difficult for me...
I feel sad to think like this, because having a mental disorder I'd like to find someone who can accept this and love me how I am, and I feel bad not to can do this for someone else I care about. But while when we chat the wheelchair seems not to even exist, in a real relationship we would have to face it...
Sometimes I think that what counts is that a boy loves me and makes me happy, sometimes I think that having my vulnerabilities myself I need to think also about practical things and to can find in a partner the support I need.
Maybe he doesn't even has these feelings, but if he tells me something I wouldn't know what to do...to even consider the idea or not.
I don't even know what I'm asking exactly...I know you can't tell me what to do, but I'd like your opinions however, or your personal experiences. Are these relationships really as difficult as they seem?
Surely, what I absolutely don't want is to start a relationship and them have to break it because I'm not strong enough and makes us both suffer. I would never ever want to hurt my friend, or to lose his friendship that is so important for me.
Thank you.

[IrisBloom]

Any good relationship should start with friendship for sure. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong or selfish about not wanting to get involved with someone with a disability. Don't take anything on that you know you won't be comfortable with. That won't keep you from loving the person and wanting to be with them. I'd say do pursue an emotionally beneficial relationship but don't commit to more than you can handle.

I dated someone who was completely blind (he was blind from birth) for a couple of months, I learned the hard way that I would not be able to deal with committing long term to someone with a physical disability. If you feel you can. then go for it but if you don't feel that you'd cope it would be unfair on both of you to become more than friends, if this is making sense

(((((Bea)))))

[BeaFlower]

Thank you both. This is what I think too...probably it's better to just stay friends. So the relationship will stay just positive for both and not frustrating, or worse ruined. Just, it's a pity...it could be really good to stay with someone like him, if I was stronger...
If he ever say something I suppose I'll have to say I just see him as a friend...though I'm not sure about it...but surely I can't tell him that I would try to date him if it wasn't for the wheelchair...it would hurt him, and I don't want this.
Sigh...the one time I find someone I could like and who could like me too...

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel. However, if you're not sure about it, then you're just not sure. It's not your fault, after all, dating someone with a disability is a great responsability. What you feel is perfectly normal

Maybe just tell him if he mentions becoming more than friends that you just want friendship?

[BeaFlower]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

Maybe just tell him if he mentions becoming more than friends that you just want friendship?

Yes, I think I will. It's a pity, but probably it's better. And also being friend with him is wonderful.