[falsememory7]

Have any of you loved two people at the same time, for completely different reasons? I'm currently in a serious relationship. We're both passionate, and it seems like we spend more time arguing that time together or happy times, but when we have good times, they're fantastic. He is a terrible listener and doesn't like to talk, he doesn't understand emotions, but he helps me enjoy life and his silliness helps me relax more and enjoy the little things in life.


I also have a best friend, one who knows me for who I am, and I can talk to him about anything. He is a great listener, and he has always been there when I've needed him. I can't actually think of any traits about him that I don't like...


This post isn't about what I should do, or what choices I've made, but rather... have any of you loved two people at the same time? Or have you ever loved who you were in a relationship with, but been IN love with someone else?

[12AM]

No I’ve never loved two people at the same time. Last time I thought I did, turned out I didn’t love either of them. My fiancé now used to be my best friend, he still is my best friend, and I’m in love with him and only him I think if you really love someone, the “second love” won’t exist.

Yes I have loved two people at the same time. I disagree with the opinion above about the second love not existing. I dont think the heart works that way. I can certainly love multiple children the same. I can love multiple friends the same. I can feel romantic love for more than one person as well.

I dont subscribe to the theory of soul mates. I think that with billions of people on the earth there are many possible combinations that would work well together. It comes down to chance, timing and choice I suppose.

Just because you love someone else, that doesnt mean you have to act on it. Loving someone isnt good or bad. It just is and it's perfectly normal.

[12AM]

Love isn't a feeling, it is an action and way of orienting oneself towards a person so that you are sacrificing yourself to be the best person you can be and to help that person become the best person they can be. In a romantic context it is orienting yourself towards that person in a special way where you make a lifelong commitment towards that person that you plan to have in your life for the rest of your life and is focused on becoming one in spirit together as you both help each other grow and dedicate your lives to this process of helping each other grow and sacrificing for one another while always loving and accepting each other for who the other one is whether with their faults or despite them.

Just being attracted to someone or having feelings for someone isn't enough to say that you love someone, love is an activity and a development of one's personality and how one lives one's life due to that love. Loving a romantic partner requires the act of commitment to that person and doing whatever you can do every single day to help that person grow with you. It requires knowing that person better than anyone else in the most intimate way, caring for that person more than you care for any other human being, responsibility towards that person in being the best person you can be, and respecting that person as a human being, for who they are, and as your significant other.

Originally Posted by 12AM

Love isn't a feeling, it is an action and way of orienting oneself towards a person so that you are sacrificing yourself to be the best person you can be and to help that person become the best person they can be. In a romantic context it is orienting yourself towards that person in a special way where you make a lifelong commitment towards that person that you plan to have in your life for the rest of your life and is focused on becoming one in spirit together as you both help each other grow and dedicate your lives to this process of helping each other grow and sacrificing for one another while always loving and accepting each other for who the other one is whether with their faults or despite them.

Just being attracted to someone or having feelings for someone isn't enough to say that you love someone, love is an activity and a development of one's personality and how one lives one's life due to that love. Loving a romantic partner requires the act of commitment to that person and doing whatever you can do every single day to help that person grow with you. It requires knowing that person better than anyone else in the most intimate way, caring for that person more than you care for any other human being, responsibility towards that person in being the best person you can be, and respecting that person as a human being, for who they are, and as your significant other.

I agree to disagree. I dont want to debate it. Just wanted to give my two cents. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

[SorryShaped]

At one point I was married to someone I loved. I also had a friend that I loved more than anyone else ever, but it never went beyond hugging. She died of alcoholism and I still hurt every day missing her years later. I carry a keychain she gave me so I can keep her close.

[Carmina]

Yes - more than once - the human heart has infinite capacity, it's not a pie

Yes. I believe it's possible and i do. But my morals or whatever it is that i know deep down is, if you love one man don't be giving ypur love attention and time to another. It's hurtful to the one who loves you

[falsememory7]

Originally Posted by KissTheRain

Yes I have loved two people at the same time. I disagree with the opinion above about the second love not existing. I dont think the heart works that way. I can certainly love multiple children the same. I can love multiple friends the same. I can feel romantic love for more than one person as well.

I dont subscribe to the theory of soul mates. I think that with billions of people on the earth there are many possible combinations that would work well together. It comes down to chance, timing and choice I suppose.

Just because you love someone else, that doesnt mean you have to act on it. Loving someone isnt good or bad. It just is and it's perfectly normal.

Your comments really mean a lot. It feels normal, it's just a different feeling to have love for someone and not act on it, or not know exactly what to do. I've believed in the theory of soul mates, but now I'm not so sure.

[falsememory7]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

At one point I was married to someone I loved. I also had a friend that I loved more than anyone else ever, but it never went beyond hugging. She died of alcoholism and I still hurt every day missing her years later. I carry a keychain she gave me so I can keep her close.

Sorry to hear that. It sounds a bit like the situation I'm in now.

[falsememory7]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

Yes. I believe it's possible and i do. But my morals or whatever it is that i know deep down is, if you love one man don't be giving ypur love attention and time to another. It's hurtful to the one who loves you

I agree. I wish it were more simple, or there was an easy answer. It feels complicated... In your case, for the other one you love, do you still maintain at least a friendship with him? And does he know?

[SorryShaped]

It never felt complicated for me. I set and kept my boundaries. I obeyed my vows. Things in the marriage all went to @#$_ and I wouldn't be with this friend if she were still here. I know I'm not good enough for anyone and don't wish myself a burden to anyone else. I will sleep around sometimes and hang out and have fun but I'm not looking for any more serious relationships because I don't deserve it.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((SorryShaped))))

I believe it can certainly happen, but in the end you've got to make a choice.