[Lilyonthepond]

Hi...
I feel like no one can help me so I thought maybe If I just talk about it here and someone will listen, I'll feel better.
I've got married at young age in 2013. I was very unmotivated for my whole life to improve myself in sense of getting better at things, since I thought "I can't be the best so why even try?", but I polished my personality thinking I want to be a mother and raise kids the best way I could. So I found a boy who showed me that he loves me above everything and I married him. He taught me how to manage my time and stuff thet I've never been taught by my family. And I got better I really felt like my life finally was getting in the right direction. Like it was getting SOMWHERE instead of drifting in the void of reality.
He had health issues but it wasn't severe... till he got extremally stressful job just before we got married. So after the wedding I got pregnant right away. And since I moved from big house filled in light in the rural area to small cramped flat, build the way it was very dark inside regardless time of the day, and my hormones was very bad for my mood, I got depression. It wasn't helping him.
He got stomach ulcers but was diagnosed like year after and was suffering from the ilness that made him feel extremally bad, and high stress, I was lying in hospital pregnant for 2 months and then I gave birth with my husband at my side. He got PTSD from it. He had completly disregulated sleep pattern and stuff.
So finally after treating his ulcers we got to psychiatrist. And we got medication. And my husband finally started to get better. We had another child and even when it was hard I thought: "If he is improving. Then it is very good.". And I was happy with it. And I was improving as well. I felt like I had mission. I really got that internal motivation after my first child was born, that I was lacking my whole life. And I was getting better. I wanted more and more from life. I wanted to do stuff I never was able to do. But my husbands depression was holding me back.
But it was ok. I love him. So I waited. But he doesn't try anymore. Depression faded away with medication and success he has been having. And I realised that he just got lazy and childrish, wanting to just do what he wants in the moment, not looking at further consequences of his actions. And at first I was patient. I know he needs time. But now... I just feel hopless.
He doesn't have any real reason to be like that. He is just lazy and I am cuffed to home with my children becouse of that. We struggle with money, things are never done. Nothing is on time. And I feel hopless... He doesn't listen to me. He just does what pleases him at the time. I can't count on him. And that feeling of hopelesness is killing me. I want to die. There are good days and bad days. But now... now I just want to die. I don't want to be here anymore. I love him and my children but I don't want to suffer.
Please help me.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Lily: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. Two other forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the depression forum & the coping with emotions forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/depression/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-with-emotions/

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on with you yourself. But, based on what you wrote, it sounds to me as though perhaps you yourself have now fallen victim to depression. From what I know, it is not unusal for the spouse of a person who struggles with depression to fall into depression as well. So I think, perhaps, the answer here may be for you to seek the services of a mental health therapist with whom you talk through what you are experiencing (& possibly a psychiatrist if you find that antidepressant medication is needed.)

The other part of your dilemma is, however, what to do in terms of your relationship with your husband. It's unclear to me exactly what your husband's situation is at present... whether he's still actively being treated for his depression, taking medications, continuing to be successfully employed, etc. Perhaps what is needed here is for him to also be seeing a mental health therapist (& possibly a psychiatrist for medications if he's not currently doing so.) If he is still on psychiatric medications perhaps a review of what he's taking would be in order.

Of course all of this presumes that your husband recognizes he is struggling, wants to get better, & is willing to do what he needs to do in order to heal. If he will not, then there may be little you can do to make him change him mind. And, under those circumstances, you may then be put in a position of having to decide how much more you can take & for how long. Here again, that would be something that it might make sense to talk through, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist.

Here are links to 9 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may help to give you some perspective with regard to your circumstances:

Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?

You Can Only Change Yourself

Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...-denial/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...essional-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-me...s-for-couples/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/depres...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ner-to-change/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways...hos-depressed/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Lily: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. Two other forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the depression forum & the coping with emotions forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/depression/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-with-emotions/

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on with you yourself. But, based on what you wrote, it sounds to me as though perhaps you yourself have now fallen victim to depression. From what I know, it is not unusal for the spouse of a person who struggles with depression to fall into depression as well. So I think, perhaps, the answer here may be for you to seek the services of a mental health therapist with whom you talk through what you are experiencing (& possibly a psychiatrist if you find that antidepressant medication is needed.)

The other part of your dilemma is, however, what to do in terms of your relationship with your husband. It's unclear to me exactly what your husband's situation is at present... whether he's still actively being treated for his depression, taking medications, continuing to be successfully employed, etc. Perhaps what is needed here is for him to also be seeing a mental health therapist (& possibly a psychiatrist for medications if he's not currently doing so.) If he is still on psychiatric medications perhaps a review of what he's taking would be in order.

Of course all of this presumes that your husband recognizes he is struggling, wants to get better, & is willing to do what he needs to do in order to heal. If he will not, then there may be little you can do to make him change him mind. And, under those circumstances, you may then be put in a position of having to decide how much more you can take & for how long. Here again, that would be something that it might make sense to talk through, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist.

Here are links to 8 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may help to give you some perspective with regard to your circumstances:

Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?

You Can Only Change Yourself

Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...-denial/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...essional-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-me...s-for-couples/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ner-to-change/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways...hos-depressed/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thank you for giving her all this info. As we all know life is hard, but we all have to deal the cards we have been given/chose one way or another.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Lilyonthepond

Hi...
I feel like no one can help me so I thought maybe If I just talk about it here and someone will listen, I'll feel better.
I've got married at young age in 2013. I was very unmotivated for my whole life to improve myself in sense of getting better at things, since I thought "I can't be the best so why even try?", but I polished my personality thinking I want to be a mother and raise kids the best way I could. So I found a boy who showed me that he loves me above everything and I married him. He taught me how to manage my time and stuff thet I've never been taught by my family. And I got better I really felt like my life finally was getting in the right direction. Like it was getting SOMWHERE instead of drifting in the void of reality.
He had health issues but it wasn't severe... till he got extremally stressful job just before we got married. So after the wedding I got pregnant right away. And since I moved from big house filled in light in the rural area to small cramped flat, build the way it was very dark inside regardless time of the day, and my hormones was very bad for my mood, I got depression. It wasn't helping him.
He got stomach ulcers but was diagnosed like year after and was suffering from the ilness that made him feel extremally bad, and high stress, I was lying in hospital pregnant for 2 months and then I gave birth with my husband at my side. He got PTSD from it. He had completly disregulated sleep pattern and stuff.
So finally after treating his ulcers we got to psychiatrist. And we got medication. And my husband finally started to get better. We had another child and even when it was hard I thought: "If he is improving. Then it is very good.". And I was happy with it. And I was improving as well. I felt like I had mission. I really got that internal motivation after my first child was born, that I was lacking my whole life. And I was getting better. I wanted more and more from life. I wanted to do stuff I never was able to do. But my husbands depression was holding me back.
But it was ok. I love him. So I waited. But he doesn't try anymore. Depression faded away with medication and success he has been having. And I realised that he just got lazy and childrish, wanting to just do what he wants in the moment, not looking at further consequences of his actions. And at first I was patient. I know he needs time. But now... I just feel hopless.
He doesn't have any real reason to be like that. He is just lazy and I am cuffed to home with my children becouse of that. We struggle with money, things are never done. Nothing is on time. And I feel hopless... He doesn't listen to me. He just does what pleases him at the time. I can't count on him. And that feeling of hopelesness is killing me. I want to die. There are good days and bad days. But now... now I just want to die. I don't want to be here anymore. I love him and my children but I don't want to suffer.
Please help me.

Hello, and Welcome to PC. There are so many forums on this site that you can check out. It has something on almost everything, and everyone is very supportive. Pull some of peoples posts up, and see what you think. If nothing else, you will get support, but I believe you will get so much more.

[Lilyonthepond]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Lily: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. Two other forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the depression forum & the coping with emotions forum. Here are links to these forums:

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on with you yourself. But, based on what you wrote, it sounds to me as though perhaps you yourself have now fallen victim to depression. From what I know, it is not unusal for the spouse of a person who struggles with depression to fall into depression as well. So I think, perhaps, the answer here may be for you to seek the services of a mental health therapist with whom you talk through what you are experiencing (& possibly a psychiatrist if you find that antidepressant medication is needed.)

The other part of your dilemma is, however, what to do in terms of your relationship with your husband. It's unclear to me exactly what your husband's situation is at present... whether he's still actively being treated for his depression, taking medications, continuing to be successfully employed, etc. Perhaps what is needed here is for him to also be seeing a mental health therapist (& possibly a psychiatrist for medications if he's not currently doing so.) If he is still on psychiatric medications perhaps a review of what he's taking would be in order.

Of course all of this presumes that your husband recognizes he is struggling, wants to get better, & is willing to do what he needs to do in order to heal. If he will not, then there may be little you can do to make him change him mind. And, under those circumstances, you may then be put in a position of having to decide how much more you can take & for how long. Here again, that would be something that it might make sense to talk through, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist.

Here are links to 9 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may help to give you some perspective with regard to your circumstances:

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thank you for your reply. I really hoped to be heard by someone. I have no idea how is my mental state. I mean... I think I should go to someone long time ago but at the same time I don't really think that anything would help me. I can't take medication for being sad. It is like taking pills instead of dieting end exercise when you are overweight. I have everything I wished for. Beautiful daughters and husband who loves me and my family loves me as well. I am afraid every day that my kids will "inherit" our flaws and mental unstability so I discipline myself a lot. I just don't know what to DO. Becouse maybe there is SOMETHING I can DO.

I am also ashamed of what I wrote. I know he isn't lazy. I just don't know what to do. It is 5 years. 5 years struggling... I just feel like I can't take it anymore sometimes.

My husband finishes his academy degree next year. He takes medications but refuses to go to therapy(I have never seen him going strictly to talk about his problems with the doctor. Sometimes he talks briefly but not like face to face but there are people around and stuff.) since psyhiatrist is our friend, he doesn't really "force" my husband or remaind him that they should meet so I was doing the therapist work and I guess I am ok with it. It gets better. Slowly. And I feel like it will never end. The suffering.

My mental state right now is bad and I am not telling too much to my husband, just fishing for his attention and telling him that I am sad when he want's to know what's up. I don't want to put more on his mind(and risk him being stressed too much). My husband is very caring and knows something is going on but doesn't stress when he isn't encountering anything unusual. Beside beging unmotivated I was taught to think positive about future so I am... or maybe I should be able to always wait for better times.

Now I feel like I am happy only when I am doing things that are familiar to me. I like going to the same stores, meething people I am close with. I have no apetite. Rare migraines and low energy. I do olny things I consider basic.

I have no idea what is lazy and what is being depressed. I struggle with the same thing my whole life. I have spike of motivation when I have small babies to care about but I can't treat myself with babies my whole life. My kids and husband of course changed me. I would never do things I do now, as a teenager. But I still get very confused have my ups and downs, and very judgemental thoughts about myself.

I try to shut my mind by being creative and busy but I am unable to when there are kids around and they want me all the time to play and care for them. Those activities doesn't challenge my mind and keep it busy so I overthink things and I get really stressed and depressed.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Lilyonthepond

Hi...
I feel like no one can help me so I thought maybe If I just talk about it here and someone will listen, I'll feel better.
I've got married at young age in 2013. I was very unmotivated for my whole life to improve myself in sense of getting better at things, since I thought "I can't be the best so why even try?", but I polished my personality thinking I want to be a mother and raise kids the best way I could. So I found a boy who showed me that he loves me above everything and I married him. He taught me how to manage my time and stuff thet I've never been taught by my family. And I got better I really felt like my life finally was getting in the right direction. Like it was getting SOMWHERE instead of drifting in the void of reality.
He had health issues but it wasn't severe... till he got extremally stressful job just before we got married. So after the wedding I got pregnant right away. And since I moved from big house filled in light in the rural area to small cramped flat, build the way it was very dark inside regardless time of the day, and my hormones was very bad for my mood, I got depression. It wasn't helping him.
He got stomach ulcers but was diagnosed like year after and was suffering from the ilness that made him feel extremally bad, and high stress, I was lying in hospital pregnant for 2 months and then I gave birth with my husband at my side. He got PTSD from it. He had completly disregulated sleep pattern and stuff.
So finally after treating his ulcers we got to psychiatrist. And we got medication. And my husband finally started to get better. We had another child and even when it was hard I thought: "If he is improving. Then it is very good.". And I was happy with it. And I was improving as well. I felt like I had mission. I really got that internal motivation after my first child was born, that I was lacking my whole life. And I was getting better. I wanted more and more from life. I wanted to do stuff I never was able to do. But my husbands depression was holding me back.
But it was ok. I love him. So I waited. But he doesn't try anymore. Depression faded away with medication and success he has been having. And I realised that he just got lazy and childrish, wanting to just do what he wants in the moment, not looking at further consequences of his actions. And at first I was patient. I know he needs time. But now... I just feel hopless.
He doesn't have any real reason to be like that. He is just lazy and I am cuffed to home with my children becouse of that. We struggle with money, things are never done. Nothing is on time. And I feel hopless... He doesn't listen to me. He just does what pleases him at the time. I can't count on him. And that feeling of hopelesness is killing me. I want to die. There are good days and bad days. But now... now I just want to die. I don't want to be here anymore. I love him and my children but I don't want to suffer.
Please help me.

Dear Heart, It's sad but true that relationships are a combined effort. They have to be. If it's just you, you can't make it work. You can't expect that of yourself because it isn't realistic. God bless you. I pray for the best and that you will be given strength and support. There's hardly anything worse than this kind of pain.