When people say it’s okay for you to help yourself

If the worst that happens is they aren't sincere, does it change your relationship with them?
As some of my children's relatives and I have discussed amongst ourselves is the common pleasantry during a period of mourning, "if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to call." really? There's an underlying agreement of don't say things for the sake of pleasantry. Either Do or don't say it.
You may reach a point in your life when you pause and ask if they mean what they say or are only being polite. It could open up a conversation?

For me, it wouldn’t change my relationship with them, I would just sinply be more cautious and know that some people are not as accepting of people going through their stuff as others even if they say they are okay with it. And that is fine, I personally would not want someone doing that to me either unless I specify something for them. Some people just feel more obligated to make an offer and secretly hope the person doesn’t actually do what they said they were allowed to do. As harsh as it may seem, there are people out their who are just too nice unfortunately.

I have to agree with Nammu. All this mind reading would exhaust me.

Frankly, it would depend on how comfortable I was in the person's house. There's a lady who is like my sister. We've been friends a zillion years. We make ourselves comfortable in the other one's house. If I want a drink when I'm at her house I go to the fridge and get.

I rarely have people at my place overnight, but try to avoid any confusion by saying there's x, y, z for breakfast, help yourself if you get up before me.

Several people mentioned being affected by the kind of family you were raised in. Both my mother and maternal grandmother felt it was their duty to feed anyone who came to the house. They would have been insulted if they knew a guest went hungry or brought their own food with them. I would feel the same way.

I think it's cultural. In the south of the country where I grew up everyone helps prepare food together. It's usual to bring a contribution as a guest - dessert, drink, cake, biscuits, flowers, stuff from the garden, etc. People share around food and if a dish is put on the table they pass it round, but it's also ok to help yourself.
In the north where my cousin comes from it's usual to wait to be served. Because I'm from the south I get very caught up in lively mealtime conversations, so I said to my cousin one day that if he waits to be served salad he might starve. In his house the host always offers tea, snacks every five minutes of the day.

I tell people to help themselves so that I don't have to worry about starving them if I get caught up in something interesting. Especially help themselves to fruit, snacks, hot drinks. But if they are teens, I do point out that I don't want them to clean out my cupboards and leave nothing for me!!! I also expect teens to help with the heavy grocery shopping.

People usually come to my house and contribute to eating, so it's fine if they help themselves within reason. Why would anyone want to clear out the cupboard if there is enough food for everyone.

I do understand that in large families, measuring food can be lifesaving. I had one friend with adopted teenage children who had a padlock on the fridge!!! At mealtime anyone from the neighbourhood was allowed to dig in, but food was rationed at other times for practical reasons.

That's good that you are more comfortable and also good that you are more specific. I actually don't mind if the specify what I could eat and even pull it out for me. That way they technically have some form of control and I'm not just rummaging through their pantry by myself. If they specify something to eat like you mentioned, I don't mind as much. I just don't like the idea of just getting any kind of food myself whenever I feel like it even if they say they are okay with it. Also the reason I brought my own food was to give them a break from having to offer as well. That way it won't seem like I am expecting them to feed me. But I can see how maybe someone people would feel insulted.

I agree, it can be cultural and just how people were raised.

I am new to this thread but thought Id share. I too always thought the niceties were just nice and not meant for anything real. On Black Friday my 22 year old son had a stroke. It has turned our life upside down in the sense that we are internally a ball of knots but externally calm and supportive of him as he recovers. I had all sorts of people cluck-clucking about reaching out if I needed help and asking and calling. My neighbor was one of them so I thought what the hell. I straight up said ' You asked me if I needed anything and I do. We have been at the hospital nonstop for 5 days and when not there driving to or from there. I havent been to the grocery store for a week and none of us has had a proper meal for days. If you could just make something for dinner I could heat up it would help". And Guess what? She was so glad to do it and to have a direction to go in. Like seriously she thanked me for telling her. She cooked like 5 dinners for me and it was so helpful knowing I could just drive home, whoever wasnt at the hospital with him could eat dinner with Ella and go to bed.
I really think in certain situations people really want to help but do not know how or do not want to intrude. I decided I needed the help and it was well received and geniune. Sometimes I think people need a direction to go in.