[Catgotmytongue]

I broke up with my boyfriend, I’m having trouble coping. We’ve been on and off for about a year and we were together for 6 years. You’d think that it wouldn’t be this hard being I am the one that ended it but I’ve been on the fence for so long that while we were together for the last year I just wanted to get out but when I’d break it off I’d really miss him and lose hope. I want to talk to him but I also know that it will stop the healing process for both of us and I know that getting back with him could just mean I’ll end up in the cycle of wanting to get out again. This is all so painful and confusing.

[Rose76]

This has got to be one of the toughest things to go through. 6 years is a long time. There must have been some good things in the relationship for it to have lasted that long. Despite that, you don't see this as salvageable. That puts you in grief. I ended a relationship after 4 years, and I felt confused and went back and forth on deciding to do that. You have to remind yourself of why you needed to end it. Keeping apart is probably the best way to get past the pain, which initially can be awful.

[xiximmxi]

Originally Posted by Catgotmytongue

I broke up with my boyfriend, I’m having trouble coping. We’ve been on and off for about a year and we were together for 6 years. You’d think that it wouldn’t be this hard being I am the one that ended it but I’ve been on the fence for so long that while we were together for the last year I just wanted to get out but when I’d break it off I’d really miss him and lose hope. I want to talk to him but I also know that it will stop the healing process for both of us and I know that getting back with him could just mean I’ll end up in the cycle of wanting to get out again. This is all so painful and confusing.

Aw... You've spent all this time with this person - you feel like if you have to give it your all and save the relationship. You're used to them and the thought of losing this supposedly unconditional support is terrifying. I'm sure letting go of the family / friends ties that you have accumulated over the years isn't easy either. I know...

My ex and I were together on and off for a little over five years. That on and off **** gets extremely exhausting. I wasn't exactly happy without him but I wasn't happy with him either; I still felt this huge void that he could not fill when we were together. I felt like I was never 100% satisfied. I was always worried and angry, waiting for his calls or texts or affection... It was all heartbreaking. I'm not sure about you but we went through a lot of trouble. And I think some things are really hard to come back from. That hurt will remain no matter how long it has been or how many times they apologize for it. It will always be at the back of your mind.

We finally ended things (it wasn't a clean cut off, but eventually it got easier), and now I am with this amazing guy. He helped me understand why it had never worked out with my ex before. I really think different people bring out different versions of you. The guy I'm with now brings out the excited, happy, joyful person that I am, not the sad, insecure, jealous person that I was. When you're with the right person, you are not confused whether you want to be with them or not. You'll still argue and have bad days, but confrontation is dealt with maturity.

It doesn't matter how long you've been with the person, or all the things you've been through with them. The only regret I have is not breaking it off with him sooner before we hurt each other more. We are different people every day, and people do change. You can't love and hold onto memories of a person. Do you like how they are now? And how they long to be? If not, you can either accept them fully for who they really are and see if you can still love them wholeheartedly, or move on and forward because it's not your responsibility or place to change them to how you want them to be.

Sorry it got pretty lengthy, I just have a lot of sympathy for this kind of situation because I've lived it.

If you really want to move on:
- block him on social media
- change his name to "YDB - You Deserve Better" so that's what you see when you're tempted to call or text or getting calls/texts from him.
- and do not contact him or respond to him for 30 days.

^ This really works.
And after the 30 days - if you still want to get him back...
I can tell you how, just message me.

[divine1966]

Sometimes ending something as hard as it is is the right thing to do and is a new beginning.

I left my long term significant other of 9 years. And we weren’t on and off or just dating, we lived together as a family playing role in each other kids’ lives and sharing a house. It was hard to leave, but a year after that I met my now husband and my marriage is happy and healthy.

If I didn’t leave I’d never met my husband. So things happen for a reason

PS on and off relationships don’t really have a future

[healingme4me]

I had a therapist tell me once to release the albatross that I was carrying. That's probably the only added advice that I could give to this thread.

xixi's post resonated for me, as far as, my own experience with the 1st bf of mine, that lasted 6 years.

[xiximmxi]

Originally Posted by xiximmxi

...If you really want to move on:
- block him on social media
- change his name to "YDB - You Deserve Better" so that's what you see when you're tempted to call or text or getting calls/texts from him.
- and do not contact him or respond to him for 30 days.

^ This really works.
And after the 30 days - if you still want to get him back...
I can tell you how, just message me.

Just kidding, you won't

[MickeyCheeky]

You made the best choice. You may be hurting now, but I'm sure you'll get over him. It will take time, though. Wish you the best of luck

[Catgotmytongue]

Originally Posted by xiximmxi

Aw... You've spent all this time with this person - you feel like if you have to give it your all and save the relationship. You're used to them and the thought of losing this supposedly unconditional support is terrifying. I'm sure letting go of the family / friends ties that you have accumulated over the years isn't easy either. I know...

My ex and I were together on and off for a little over five years. That on and off **** gets extremely exhausting. I wasn't exactly happy without him but I wasn't happy with him either; I still felt this huge void that he could not fill when we were together. I felt like I was never 100% satisfied. I was always worried and angry, waiting for his calls or texts or affection... It was all heartbreaking. I'm not sure about you but we went through a lot of trouble. And I think some things are really hard to come back from. That hurt will remain no matter how long it has been or how many times they apologize for it. It will always be at the back of your mind.

We finally ended things (it wasn't a clean cut off, but eventually it got easier), and now I am with this amazing guy. He helped me understand why it had never worked out with my ex before. I really think different people bring out different versions of you. The guy I'm with now brings out the excited, happy, joyful person that I am, not the sad, insecure, jealous person that I was. When you're with the right person, you are not confused whether you want to be with them or not. You'll still argue and have bad days, but confrontation is dealt with maturity.

It doesn't matter how long you've been with the person, or all the things you've been through with them. The only regret I have is not breaking it off with him sooner before we hurt each other more. We are different people every day, and people do change. You can't love and hold onto memories of a person. Do you like how they are now? And how they long to be? If not, you can either accept them fully for who they really are and see if you can still love them wholeheartedly, or move on and forward because it's not your responsibility or place to change them to how you want them to be.

So much of what you say really resonates with my situation. It’s always been myself that is on the fence, and I’ve always wondered if someone else will be a better match for me, it’s just so hard to see it this way now that I’m not with him. I feel very stagnant atm. I’m glad to hear your situation has become fulfilling.

[Catgotmytongue]

Originally Posted by Rose76

This has got to be one of the toughest things to go through. 6 years is a long time. There must have been some good things in the relationship for it to have lasted that long. Despite that, you don't see this as salvageable. That puts you in grief. I ended a relationship after 4 years, and I felt confused and went back and forth on deciding to do that. You have to remind yourself of why you needed to end it. Keeping apart is probably the best way to get past the pain, which initially can be awful.

There were definitely good things hence being on the fence for so long. Thanks for the comment.

[Catgotmytongue]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Sometimes ending something as hard as it is is the right thing to do and is a new beginning.

I left my long term significant other of 9 years. And we weren’t on and off or just dating, we lived together as a family playing role in each other kids’ lives and sharing a house. It was hard to leave, but a year after that I met my now husband and my marriage is happy and healthy.

If I didn’t leave I’d never met my husband. So things happen for a reason

PS on and off relationships don’t really have a future

Yes that’s how I felt. If I don’t break up with him then I’m not allowing for new experiences to come in. It gives me hope to hear that too.

[Catgotmytongue]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

You made the best choice. You may be hurting now, but I'm sure you'll get over him. It will take time, though. Wish you the best of luck

Thankyou. It’s an abstract thought to think I’ll get over him at this stage. Hoping I move on and up

[Fuzzybear]