[Spiderbluey]

I am not sure anymore if I am the one over reacting or if I am corecct.

Here is the story. I have been married to my husband for 15 years and we had our ups and downs. The last 2 years have been pretty bad and we did not really have a good relationship at all.

Coincidentally I found text messages between him and the woman that works for us, that are in my opinion over the line and I consider it flirting. for example:

her: "I will be on vacation and I will be topless at the beach"
he: "now you get me all hot and bothered"

she made a mistake and said "**** me"
he: "you have to by me dinner first"

there are plenty more sexual texts like that and I felt really hurt. He said that its just their personality and he would never do anything. And I do trust him, he said he would not do it anymore, but does not think they did something wrong.

I met her the other day for the first time and she was so excited to meet me. She knows that I do not like the texts but she does not think she did anything wrong. I felt totally awkward and all the feelings came back.

I feel like I am the bad guy and my husband even told me that I made their communication awkward. Instead of seeing that they hurt my feelings, they do not apologize or anything.

Am I the one in the wrong and did I over react? Or are they not getting it?

THanks

You are not in the wrong. They are crossing the line and it’s extremely disrespectful to you. if It were me, I’d probably walk out the door. It’s practically cheating. They are definitely doing something wrong. Tell him why don’t you two just have sex and get it over with. I’m leaving.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Spiderbluey)))) I don't think you're too jealous at all. This behavior is definitely inappropriate. You may want to reconsider this relationship, especially since he's treating it like it's no big deal.

[eskielover]

This has nothing to do with jealousy....what you are dealing with on your H's part is emotional infidelity.....no different than if he were cheating on you physically. People try to justify this kind of crap by is just being their personalities BUT in reality there is a serious lack of self discipline on your H's part. If he were truly faithful with you (emotional or otherwise) he would not allow himself to even get involved in situations like this.

I would not tolerate that in my marriage ever. If marriage counselling can not iron out this issue & he still feels he is right I would end the marriage immediately....because the next step will be cheating on you physically if he can get away with this.

You are not wrong. His text are like you said, over the line. It's totally inappropriate. The woman is being inappropriate also. There are emotional boundaries that should not be crossed in a relationship. They both crossed the line.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Spiderbluey: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I wanted to leave a reply welcoming you to PsychCentral.

I certainly agree with the other members who have replied to your post who said what your husband & this woman are doing is inappropriate, doubly so if she is an employee. The other thing with regard to this though is that, while this may all be innocent enough now, it's the sort of thing that can lead to all sorts of complications down the road. It's the proverbial slippery slope.

Here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that talk about the dangers of emotional affairs. Most of them are directed toward the person who is having the affair. But hopefully you will find them to be helpful as well:

3 Signs You Might Be Having An Emotional Affair

7 Signs You're Having an Emotional Affair with a "Work Spouse" | Reaching Life Goals

Work Wife/ Work Husband | Relationship Corner

When Does Flirting Become Cheating? 9 Red Flags

What if You Suspect Emotional Infidelity?

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. One additional article I just happened on:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...st-friendship/